Humor On The Tariff

M'lville I) !j .ndon, better known as "Jili Pi-rkius." li, i-s talked to a reporter of Mie Miuneapolls Tribune about tarill and tbe Nehr ka -ugar Industry: "The pre-tMi t lar. 11' N tiavlng n dreadful effect," gaid the bumorlst, with a sarcastic Iwlnkle in his eye. "l've come all the way from Pautuxet and Providence on the Merrimac throtig'i Pennsylvanla, Obio, Iodiano, Kansas, and Nebraska, and 111 teil you about it. On he tr.iiu golng t0 Ware, Mass., where they make jerseys and kult goods, 1 met a Boston business man. lic was all brokeu up. He fairly cried as he told what a misfortune the McKInley bil I was to the country, 'it bas ruined my business,' he said." "What is jour business?" I nsked. "I am a Boston importer, sir," he siid; "one of the laigest ui Boston - used to smid $2,000,000 a year to CbemnuttZ, (jrurmaii y, foi jerseys and knit goods, and now our busiucss is ruined. We can't Import these Germán goods any more." '"Well, what are you going to do about 11?"' 1 aski-d in deep syinpalhy. "Ud,'1 Ie sinl, "why I am going uo to Ware, aud I ve got to make terms wilh tl ose W.ire ïaukees to make thtjïe tllillJÍS." "And you'Il spend the $2,000,000 iu this country, will you?1' "Yes, sil - compelled to keep it in America." "Well, that is terrible," I said. "It is an awful shame that you noble Boston mid New York importers cin't send $000,000,000 every year out of this country, but are oompelled by this miserable McKinley bül to spend it here and bnild up miserable American manufactures. 'It is sad,' mid I actually sbed tears of sympathy lor this patriotic importer." "Bul Uie worst of all," continued Eli, ahnost tearfully, "tlie worst of all is the way those crimináis down in Nebraska are making white beet sugar and ruinlng the E aster Q importers. The Chrlstian importer used to send out $50,000,001) lo Germauy and Cuba every year lor white sugar. Now what do you think this rascaily McKinley bilí has done? Why, it Iets comnion black sugar come in free and pays a bounty of 2 cents per pound lor home made Nebraska whito sugar. Aiid what is the result ï Why these rascal Nebraskaites, backcd by the wicked larmers, have shipped expensive machlnery Irom Germany, iut il in thousauUs of acres of beets and art; now turning out 200 barri-ls of white sugar a day. Yes, more, they have corrupted all that Platte Klver country aud thej' are putting up sugar niachiiiery at Norfolk, Sioux City, Iowa, and Lincoln. Next year they wili take m:llions ot wlieat and corn 1 ind and cover it wit II beets. More wicked workmen will Hoek tUeie, they will raUe the pnce ot wlieat and corn and meat in tilia country and keep $50,000,000 a year from going to Gei many and Cuba Ofo, it 18 awful bow tliat dreadlul McKinley uill is ruiiiing this country! Aud then, bye aud bye, when those wicked Nebiaska fannein all get to ni.iking sugar lottead ot wheat, wliy sugar will go do n aud wheat will gu up, and theu those sweet Onri.-tian Importers who live in biown sloiie houses in New York will have to handle Atniiitan products or starve. Poor importen I What wicked, sellisli American manutacturers and farmers Hiey re who want to make everyihingchcap in the cnuutry, save all our owq money and starve those p ior Kuropeon uiüuan'hs!" and Kli gronned and wiped his ejt-8 with a red bandanaa. "Bat will tlrs all end?" "It will end iu wicked manufacturera - maker ol li ■ n, oll, wool, glass, cotto, si k, c " . ■ ind tobáceo aprlnginj; up uil ■ i ,he country. The poor iinp'ii er u ; bc: tiozeu out, the $UU0,000,0ii0 n. nv Miit to Europa will ba ex pended here, t r:n products will be eaten tip In re, ui 'ij will be llusli, land will go up and tbe wicked American farmer and rascally maoufactorei will becooiv rn'li, wliilc llie (.nor patriotic Chrlstlan iiuoi ti'i" nul lii tVieiids, tbe mouarclis, Will slarvc. Ye-, I'm down Oll thiK wicked McKinley blll. You bear me? '