"I don't sre as tliis butter weg-etfrom the crematory is much betterthancow'a butter." Baid Mrs. Vancovor, one morning- at the broakfast table. "What!" ejaculated Mr. Vancover, excitedly. "I say I don't think the crematory butter is a bit better than any other." "My dear," replied Mr. Vancover, trying- to calm himself down, "doyouknow what a orematory is?" "No, not uniese it is lien theymake oleomarfíarine. " "Well, my love, I will inform you. A crematorj' is a place where dead bodies" "O, gTacious!" "A place where dead bodies are burned to ashes, and the ashea carried home in a jar. and stored away amon the family archives, darling, but don't for Ileavt'n's sabré ever gfet on this subject again in tlie presence of any of our fricnds. Don't do it for my sake, will you, lo%'e?" And she Baid sho wotdd be eternally cremated if she would. - Texas iftinps. -The late Bey. WilliamJay, of Bath, and Andrew Fullcr were driving together, when a bird flew aeróse tlio road and so frig-htened the horse that )ic nm away. Having jot home without injury tlicy were talking over the matter: "Brothet," said Mr. I'uIUt. "tliat was a wrv awkwafd, disagreeable bird; it was like ;i jay." "No," was the rejoinder, "it. was fullor in the neck, taller in the body, and fuller all over." The bird in reality, as they both knew, was an owl. - The Germán Empresa Augusta Victoria, who has already given her Emperor bueband flve fine sons, is now ín her thirty-flrst year, but her fair, fresh complexión makes her lookyounger. She basan oral face, boíí blue eyes, beautiful teeth, and an abundanoe of blonde huir, an ensemble which is pleasing and attractive if not decidedly pretty. - Christopher Columbus was only fourteen yeara oíd when he made his first voyage in a véase] onder the eommand of his grand-nncle Colombo, and fortwenty years ho (ollowed the sea, touclii Islands along the western ooasi ai Vírica, and sailing f ar up to the aortb of England cm Borne of liis voyages. - "Yes. that's a statue of the goddesa of lave, Venus- the Venus oí Milo." "But she hasn't pot any :irins." "O, that doesn't make any particular iliflVrence so as a man knows how to use his, yon Philadelphia Times. - "How dld that case againsí yon by the man who broke his lejf on voursidewalk go?" "It met the same f ate th ]iliintii"i' did." "What was that?11 "Slipped up on appeaL"- Hartford Times.