Some Of Small's Stories

The Rev. Sam SmaU is not an especially large man, in xiny way. He lias the story of nis life to teü, and the struggles he went through with in iighting intemperance. He tells some very good stories, iind some not so Rood. Some are quite appropriate and some nto bo appropriate. He doesm't spoil a storv by sparing emphatic words. He has a quaint way that makes him interesting, and for those who are entertained by the relation of a personal story such as Small's, he must be very entertalnlng. His lecture was largely made up of anecdotes, a specimen or two of ■which will give our readers an idea of theïn: At one time two Irishmen were cleaning out a cesspool, and the bad smell was so strong that they thought it best to get some "antidote." So they procured a bottle f uil, and every time they got a strong smell oí the pool, they would take a drink. Finally one of them tumbled in. His companion yelled to some passers by: "Hooray thare.' Coom over and help! Pat has toombled in clean up to his onkies, and is drowning." "Why, if he is in only ud to his ankles, let him walk out," was the reply. "Walk out ! Walk out ! How the divil is he goin' to walk out, whpn he's in head furst ?" Anothr etory was of a party of two or three Irishmen who were new to America. White traveling over the country they canie across a railroad track. They etopped in utter astontehmént but could not make out "what the thing wid log.s all layin' sidc by sidc, and iron sthrtn"ga on ot them" iv.is. Tinaliy , . cluded to folknv the thing up to ses where it went to. ,They travèled until uight overtook them without coming to the end, ,and then lay down to sleep until morning, when they were to resume their inveetigations. they had got to sleep, the lighting esprese carne nlong witli its great glaring head light, and eparks puifing out of its smoke stack, and its furioua rattle and clang and roar. It woke one of the sleepers, and his eyes uuifteu out m Horror as he grabbed his companlon and jerked him into conecioueness with the remark: "Pat, wake oop ! wake .oop ! Heli's let loose, and the first load has just goue through." There was nothing very refined and elegant about that story, but Sam had a place in his lecture where it fitted in. Sam Small is very bitter in his prohibition talk and is given to exaggeration. For instanee his nir.turo nf American statesmen. He made no exceptions, and left the impresslon upon his audience that all were bunimers and sots. He proved to his audience very plalnly the sort of "statesmen" Jie associated witli. It is known that the .brightest and keenest of our great men of to-day never tuldle their brains wlth liquor. Blaine Harrison, Carlisle, Wanamaker. and lnmdreds of others live strictly températe lives. And even Senator HUI, as strange as it may seem, practices total abstinence, and ' is puro in his private Ufe, and a teacher in a Presbyterian Sunday school. In an interview Itev. Saín Small gives his opinión of the new gold cure: Mr. Small does aot seem to think the Keeley cure oí as jnueh valué as it is ci-acked up to be. "Give me any Kot in the city," ,said Mr. Small, "and let me inject into his arm a mild solutkm of strychnine, and it will soon feaider alcohol most distas tef ni to him or, a better cure yet; let me give liim internally a. little tincture oí ipecac wlüch woai't hurt him when Iif lakes it and tlien let me send him omt to get a drink oí wháskey on top oí t. and wüien .the two fluida combine inside of him ,they will make liim 80 sick that lw iv-cra't want to touch ngaiu in a lnmilivd years, or will tliink ho won't. If lic returns to ït aiterwards it is by lus own volition. Still the bichloride of gold may ' su-oy a mans appetite, and that, I ihink, is all that Dr. Keeley clalma it." Every Wednesday, on the M. C. R. rain No. 1. known , lorth ï-iioi-e Liraitei;. ached a Wagner Buffet car, that goes through I :m Francisco, Cal., without ,stop■Vest oL Chicago I .ikL's a different route each trip. The train leayes here at 10.19 a. ni.. day and arrivés in San Francisco, Cal., at 10.45 p. ju., Sunday.