Why He Was Not There

The Argus man apologizes for past indiscreet politicai opinions, and excuses himself for not attending tlie Donovan banquet at Detroit the other niglit, in these worde: "The editor of the Argus confesses to the receipt of an invitation from The Fellowcraft Club ("oomposedof the live newspaper men of Detroit") to attend the reception held last evening in Detroit, in compliment to the presence of the Honorable John Donovan, of Bay. Thouch we were not able to attend, we have kissed the note of invitation and laid it away, "where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, nor thieves break thronghand steal." "Tliat we were kept from attending, by circumstances bevond our control, was to our democratie heart a great I grief; for we longed to meet Mr. Donovan, and gaze upon his dear face as that of the survival of the tougliest; the last of the Mohicans; the only rigliteous man left alive in tlie great Sodotci of the two peniusulas. We would fiiin cover up the circumstances of our compelled absence, had we anything left to cover them up with ; but to prove our loyalty and show that we did not vote the republican ticket, nor voluntarily refrain from meeting Mr. Donovan, we feel forced to a disclosure. ''First, we bet all the money we had, or could borrow, that Fisher would carry tlie state. Burchfield now bas our pile. Then we bet our overcoat that Barkworth would beat Spalding for congress. That coat is now the property of Junius E. Beal. As the compaign wanned up and the weather continued fine, we put up our undercoat against the nickel watch of Geo. H. Pond, of the Courier, that Mike Brenner would lay out Judson for sheriff, as cold as a frozen shad. Pond now wears that coat to all the swell parties. Moran, of the Register, is also struttiug around in our I)olka dot vest- one of the snuffiest men in towu. We lost it ou Capt. Jake Schuh and his blamed sky rockets that he said went threo miles higb and killed arepublicau wlienever they came down. "On the night of election, we bet our pantaloona vvitli Browu, of the Times, that Daneer would beat Kempf for legisluture so hard that Kempf would never write au "f" at the end of his sumaiue agaiu. Brown came next ïnorniug and got the pantaloons before we veere up. They were a godsend to hiui, but so short (we are nota long persoii) that peuple vrho saw hiui witb theui on said tlie pantaloons Were picked befure tiiey were ripe. He is wearing tliein to-day. "We had nut vet recovered from the financia! depresaion, vvhen the invita. tion to the Donovan demonstration struck us ; and though its coutenls were aa the refreshing dews of Ilermon, it was yet the chalice that when lifted to the lips carried puison to the soul, for we eonld uot be present at the non except as a living ülustratioa oí Adam belore the trangression. "O, wliy should the spirit of mortal be proutl?" We trust, however, that the democratie survivor from Bay was properly cared for and that the Fellowcraft club will see that under the cireumstances our absence was more desirable than our presence."