Our Wit And Humor

AST NIGH T'3 dared not ïay you, The worda my tongue oft strove to teil, And yet I am positive you knew The sureness of y o u r witchlng spell. Whene'er I gazed into your eyes - October's most delicious brown! - They looked at me in mild surprise, As one who sees a clumsy clown. And when I left you at the gate And g-ave your hand one chaste salute, [ tried to ask of you my fate In love. Alas! my lips were mute. And so my emissaries must Be pen and ink and halting measure; But you will answer this I trust - One word from you will be a treasure. SHE WROTE: This m.orning, Jack, I got your letter. Poolish boy to waste your scrips! But as for answer - well, you'd better Come and take it from my lips! They Mistook His Mission. Some years ago a delegation went from a certain city to Washington to work a great appropriation for the benefit of Mobile's harbor. Among the party was a genial major, who was well primed with facts. He longed, moreover to see the inside of senatorial poker. Soon occasion presented itself. The genial man dropped his evening'a pile and smiled himself out. Next night he carne again. Fickle fortune still frowned. Once more the genial Alabamian's pile grew small rapidly and hideously less. Finally a pat flush swept his last dollar, and he rose from the table a trine hasty. "Don't go," cried the winning senator, chirpily; "sit in agaln and try it over." "Gentlemen, you mistake my mission entirely," retorted the Alabamian, backing to the door; "I wish you to understand that 1 came to Washington to get an appropriation - not to make one!" - Argonaut. Knockcd Her Fainting Silly. The other evening an Immense crowd got jammed in a theater lobby and some women grew hysterical. "Oh, I shall faint!" exclaimed a stout blonde, looking piteosuly at her escort. Men on all sides glanced at her sympathetically, and those nearest made a frantic eflfort to give the stout blonde more room. Her escort looked down into her face tenderly. "I am going to faint!" she cried, and she'got ready to fall gracefully into his arms. "Welï, faint!" shouted a robust lady at her elbow. "For heaven's sake, faint and be done with it, for the rest of U3 want to get out!" Some people glanced at her indignantly, and others tittered; but the stout blonde who was about to faint braced up suddenly and eoncluded she wouldn't. No sniff of salts could have done the business quicker or more satisfactorily. - Pittsburg Dispatch. A Tabooed Text. Down in the black belt of Georgia a Presbyterian minister received a vislt Crom a colored pastor who wanted counsel and advice. "Well, sir, it's jest this way," said he; I'se done preached myself plumb out. I'se worked on election, sanctification, predestination, heil inslde and out, till I couldn't say another to my life." His white brother sugested that he should preach a sermón by way of change on "Thou shalt not steal" for a text. "Well, boss, dat certainly is a good text; but I'm mons'ous 'fraid it will produce a coolness in the congrega tion." - Washington Post. In the Neck. Mrs. Flynn - Can yez teil me where I'll get the. Columbus Avenoo car, Officer? OfficeK Burke - Faith, ma'am, ye'll get it in the neck. if ye don't get off the thrack. lHow It Worked.] Brown (expert shorthand reporter) - f say, James, the boy from the newspaper office has called for the report of that lecture. Is It flnished? James (a novice) - All but a short sentence in the middle of it and I can't for the life of me make out from my notes what it is. Brown- Oh, just put in great applause and let it go. James acts on the suggestion, and the lecture is sent for publication with the doctorad part reading: "Friends, I wlll detain you but a few moments longer." (Great applause.)