He Had The Pass All Right

I am told that many secret society people, especially Masons, will enjoy the followiug story which is told on Superintendent Joseph Maxwell, of the Missouri, Kansas and Texas railroad, and I must say, though I have not the honor of belonging to that ancient and distinguished brotherhood, I think it is quite worth printing myself : Superintendent Maxwell, or plain blunt "Joe," as bis friends rail him, has the reputation of being very particular in the matter of einploying trammen, desiring only those who have had considerable experience in that branch of the service. The followiug is a conversation said to have been overheard in Mr. Maxwell's office between that gentleman and an applicant for a position as a passenger conductor : ''Where did you come from?" "From General Manager St. John, of the Chicago, Burlington & Quincy." "What did you come here to do?" "To learu to subdue my energies and improve the railroad service." "Then you are a railroad man, I infer?" "I am so taken to be by all officials who know their business." "How may I know you to be a railroad man?" "By looking over my letters and exatnining me in the signáis. Try me. "How will you be tried?" "By the punch." "Why by the punch?" "Because it is the emblem of honesty and the principal tooi of my profession." "Where were you first prepared to be a railroad man?" "In my mind." "Where next?" "Upon a farm adjoining the right of way." "How were you prepared?" "By braking upon a threshing machine for six months, after which I went to town and sought admission to the trainmastPi's clerk." "How were you received?" "Upon the gaze of the trainmaster applied to my physiognomy, which was thus explained : As it is always a source of great pleasure to the trainmaster to receive callers, I should drop in and chat with him a little while upon every occasion possible." "How were you disposed of?" "I was seated in a chair near to the trainmaster's desk and asked if I put my trust in safety couplin devices." "Your answer?" "Not if I know myself, I don't." What was then done with you?', "I was led up and down three tirnes to accustom myself to the noise of the trains; thence to the chief dispatcher." "How were you then disposed of?" "I was seated upon a brake wheel before a train boy and caused to take the following horrible and binding oath : I, Steve Sëars, do hereby and hereon most everlastingly, diabolically swear by the great hom spoon that I will always remit and never conceal any of the cash collected by me as a conductor, and that I will not cut, make, use, collect or remit any cash fares less than those found in the regular tariff book. I further promise and swear that I will not carry on my train friend, railroad man's wife, mother or sister, dau;liler or widow or pennit any other conductor to do so if I can prevent it. I further promise and swear that I will freely contribute to all subscriptions circulated to buy my superior officer a token of esteem, etc, as far as he may desire and my salary permit, to all of which I solemnly swear, binding myself under no less penalty than that in having my salary cut from year to year, all my perquisites taken away and expended for sand ballast to put under the McKinley extensión, where the trains come and go twice in twenty-four hours, so help me Bob Ingersoll, and keep my backbone stiff." "What did you then behold?" "The trainmaster's clerk approached me and presenteu me with a Jíisnop safety coupling knife and instructed me to take it to the yardmaster, who would teach me how to use it." 'How are the Bishop coupling knives used?" "By sticking them in the left hip pocket with the blade turning up." Mr. Maxwell here informed the applicant that he was satisfied that he was a a railroad man and asked him if he would be "off" or "froin." "I will beofffrom here, if yon will give me a passenger train." "Have you any cigars?" "I have." "Will you give them to me?" "That is not the manner in which I got them, and cannot so dispose of them." "How can I get them, then?" "I will match you heads or tails for them." "I'llgoyou; begin." "You begin." "No, begin yourself; you have the cigars." "All aboard; you are O. K. Come around again in the morning and I will arrange to send you down to the Trinity and Sabine división to take the mixed train there."