Nasby On Silver

Confedérate X Uoads (Wliich ia in the State of Kentucky), Jan. 22. 1878.- I ain't so certin tbat I want the silver bil to pass ez I was. The fact is, the thing don't work ez I sposed it wood, and i ain't clear onto it. There is suttle prin ciples in the finanshel questions wich requires a groat Teel uv thought, and there is underlying principies wich a man has got to uuderstand afore he is competen! to set hisself up ez authority. One thing I'm certin uv - Bascom ain'i no finanseer, nor never will be, and ] told lihii so. "Wat is a finanseer?" asked he. "A rhianseer," sed I, assoming the look of Dan'1 Webster, " is a man wich kin pay his dobts with nothin' - a man wich kin git suthin' with nothin'." "The Corners, then, is full of finanseers," he remarket, bitterly, catin' a casual glance at his slate, wich wuz jist full enuff to tura over and begin on tother side. "But he hezn't any uv the science ut it. I wuz argooing with him the other day in favor of my notion of a leather currency, though I told him gilver wuz much the same thing, and, for example, I would assooin that mlver wui to be the currency uv the fucher. "Now, don't yoo see, Bascom, thet ef I hed twict ez much money, I cood drink twiet ez much whisky and pay for it?" "How much is twice nothin'?" wuz the unfeeliu' nnswer uv the tyrant who holds the destinies uv the Corners in his hands. "That's what .voor capital hea bm ever since I knowed you." "Parson." sed he, "I don't see what ertlily difference it's goin' to make whether silver is ciivrency or anything else. How aro yoo goin' to git silver ef it is made legal tender? Ef silver wuz ez plenty ez bricks, w'at tiey you got to git any uv it with?" "Troo, G. W.," wuz my answer; "but can t you see that to hev silver wood releeve the dettor class? Even now, afore it is legal tender, it's only wuth 92 cents on the dollar, and when the country is flooded with it it will go till lower. Then we- or ratner sich uv us ez hev propërty to raise money on- kin pay off-" "Eggsactly so," retorts Bascom; "you kin pay me for the good, honist likker uv mine, which you hev consoomed, in coin, which is less than the dollar you promisedr All rite. But look here- come in here, all uv yoo. I want yoo ilver men to know exactly w'at yoo are rushin' into." And this feend led us into a back room- that back room which contanes the subsistance of the Corners. There, in long rows, wuz Bascom's stock, lhere, in barrils, piled one on top uv anotner, was the delshus whisky uv Louisville, uv different ages, rangin' from that uv two weeks old to that w'ich hed jist left the still, and was scarcely cold yit. There it lay, and as my eye ranged affeekshunately over it I feit ef I cood hev the drinkin' uv all that likker I would be content to lay down and die when the last drop wuz gone. Bascom p'inted to an immense tank w'ich he hed erectid within a few daya, with a pipe running in from the roof. "I shan't raise the price uf likker in consekence uv' bein' paid for it in a depresbiated curroncy!" saïd he. I feil on Bascom's neck, and in an extacy uv delite, while the others shouted, "Rah for Bascom!" "G. W.," I remarkt, while teers suffoosed my eyes, "I never placed you below the angels, but this generous act has histed yoo a hundred per cent. in my estimashun. Bless yoo, G. W., bless yoo." "But 111 teil you wa't I ehel do. Do yoo see that tank?" sed he. "May I ask w'at that is for?" I sed. "That tank will fill with rane-waler," sed he. "The moment yoo git to oayin' me in silver, I shel take out ut ech ut thern birrils jist eggsackly three and onefifth gallons uv likker, and uil it with water." "Merciful hevings!" we all exclaiined, "and poor likker so weak now!" "And when silver gets down to 75 cents on the dollar I shel take out 25 per cent. uv whisky and fill her up with 25 per cent. of water. And so on down. Ef silver goes up I shel add whisky eggsackly in proporshen. In short, my whisky is jist agoin' to foller currency, and nothin' shorter. You fellers wich work for wagis may swet, but I won't." "But yoo'l increase th sizs of yoor glasses?" sed I. "Not eny. But yoo may drink twice ez many times to git the same amount uv drunk ez before, by payin' for each drink." And Bascom stalked hawtily back and took his. posishen behind the bar. Ther wuz consternashun in the Corner sich ez I hev never seen. Ther wus a hurried consultashun at the Deekln1 house and I sejestod that we emancípate ohrselves from the dominyun uv tui tyrant by startin' a grosery uv our own, on the joint stock principie, which wus igreed to, each man agreeing to contribbit $10 to the capitale stock, which wood be enuff to buy a bar! or two, for a beginnen'. We wuz enthoosiastic till we come to ballotin' for the man to keep the place, when it wuz found instid uv my bein' choson, yoonanimously, es I eggspected to ae that every man hed votid for hisself. Ez not a soul uv them would recede the skeem wus blocked rite there, and finally iied to be abandoned and we went back to Bascom's and ubmitted. That tyrant hez us. Uv course we can't stand likker dilootid in that manner. We are willin' enuff to diloot the currency with which to pay fer likker, but we want our likker full strengtn. We coodent help it, but that mte we signed and sent to our representative a remonstrance agin' the silver bill. lhe Corners is now for a honest money. Wood, O wood, that we hed some uv it. Petroleum V. Nasby, Finanseer. McKinley, protection and sound money, means 16 chance to 1 now for the laborer to get a job, 16 chance for the farmer to sell his produce, 16 chances for the merchant to ell his goods and 16 chances for every American to earn an honest living and pay fcr t in an honest dollar. ■a The freeTfcer craze will soon b over and protectidjcoma to the front and the great champiol of prosperity will come n under tha wire, with the free trad and cheap money advocate badly diatanced.