Sixteen-to-one Financier

Sllas Simpkins was a financier, although he wasn't ricli - Silaa was a sorter silTerite an' sreenbacker au' sioh - An' he never cut hls whlskers, an' he diiin't wear no socks, An' all day long he'd argify upon a dry goods box. An' he'd whittle, an' he'd whittle, an' he'd shorely demónstrate How hls plan 'ud save the country from a mlehtly sorry fate. Why, we use' to gather 'round him, an' we d'dn't care a cuss For th' plowin' au' the hayln' lonj; es SI 'ud talk to us. Nope, I cau't quite recoilec' now jeat how SI would lix it out, But I shore liev seen 'im cut 'er, aa' I know 'twas all about A "per capiter" an' "ratio," an' I recdllec' that lia Use' to orate most couvlncin' on the "crime of sempty-three." An' he 'lowed 'twas then oor siav'ry to the "plntvcrat" begun, An' I tuint Si said the chance was about sixteen to ono In favor of the plutycrat- an' then he'd falrly boil When he'd teil how they'd "snueezed the sweat from out the brow of toil." Well, I guoss Si must 'a' talked too much- It sorter won? 'lm out- Fer at last he got rigat porely an' cud sca'cely get about; But he'd still come downtown dally when the weather 'ud ptrmit, An' he'd set out in the sunshlne, an' he'd whittle an' he'd spit, An' he'd keep right on a-talkln', es he set there In the sun, On the plutyerats an' ratlos an' about slxteen to one; An' he argied an' contended an' he financiered uutil He dled one day. an' we burled hlm, an' th' county pald the bill. - Albert Bigelow Paine in Harper's Weekly.