The Goat Knew All

"Moi man do be telliu' me," said Mrs. Brady to her neighbor Mrs. Flynn, "thot when Brion i elected silver will be plintiful." "How do he know anny thing about silver? Sure, Oi never saw the loikes of him wid more than a nickel," said Mrs. Flynn, shaking out her husband's new red undershirt before the eyeï of the neighbors. "Is thot so, Mr. Flynn? Well, we may be poor, but Oi do not hang a dead Oitalian's shirt on the elothesline foive times a weck to make moi neighbors believe that my man do hare sorae new ones. Do you moind thot, now?" "Roight you are. Mrs. Brady; there is no use of the loikes of you wastin' yer toime troing to make annyone believe yer man ever had one. So yer going to have silver, are you?" "Andeed we are." "Whin did you say your maa was goin' to git it?" "Whin Brion is elected. He do be goin' to make silver free and see that we all have plinty." "Oi suppose if your man tole ye that you believe it, but Mr. Flynn tole me thot Brion wuz for the free coinage of silver. an' Mr. Flynn bein' a policeman, an officer uv the law, moind ye, he knows all about it." "An' what did Mr. Flynn say thot was?" "Do yes mane free coinage? Thot shows the iguorance of yez. Go ask yer goat; sure Oi saw him atin' sum ïian'bills this marnin' thot was left at yer dure yisterday. If yez would bol something for yer goat insted of feedin' him compaoign literature, sure ye'd know more." "Those do be big wurrds ye are usin', Mrs. Flynn. Sure, n' phwat is compain Iiteraschure?" "There ye are again. Tez don't even know phwat it is. Well, Oi'll teil yez: It's handbills sint to the poor people of the country, and the trieb, too, phwat tells them that can read, phwat this palaver about free silver means. Sure, if yez had read sum of it yez wouldn't be talking all over the neighborhood about the silver yez expect to have." "Andeed. You do be plumin' yerself as if ye was the only wan in the street what could read. If ye know so much, phwat is free coinage?" "Sure ye better go ask the goat. Oi have better business than talkin' to the likos of yez. Oi teil ye this much fer yer own good: If ye have no silver to 'be eoined, Brion will do yez no good. Sure it would be the same if there was a free washwoman sint through the strate, for ye have no elothes to wash." "Airs. Flynn, Oi thank ye for your infurmation, but Oi teil yez here thot Oi will listen to no more of your insinuation about moi man's wardrobe peasably. Sure, our goat ates more old elothes in a month than the loikes of the Flynns ever had. Put thot in your poipe and smoke it." "Sure it's a good thing the goat can't talk, Mrs. Brady, or he'd cali yez a lior. Divil a bit of flannel has he had to ate since yez stole him off the Sullivans. Ivery wan in tha ward says yer are an ignorant family and yer talk about havin' lots of silver show how much yez know." "Ignorant, is it? Well, it's a good thing that there is somewan on the strate thot has a college education. If as ye say, Mrs. Flynn, ye have read the handbills, phwat does sixteen to wan mean? Sure moi man says it manes that Brion will give $16 to every wan if he gets elected." "Mr. I:rady hncvf !ess than-tLe Caseys, for they believed that Brion was going to give them $16 for every wan they had. Now, the loikes of the Caseys and the Bradys is phwat rfakes people commit suicide. Sure neat'ier of yez can rade a loine or wroite yer names and yez teil a lot of yarns ioiJ e that about the neighborhood because yez know no better. Sixteen to wan manes that if this young divil from Nubrasska is elected yez will have to wurruk sixteen hours to get as much money as yez now gat for workin' wan hour. 'Tis yez ignorant people that gives the ward a bad nam and if yez don't lern to rada or kape itill Oi latend to lavo the itrat.v