The Press's Pungent Paragraphs

The Milán Leader announcea a "bow social." A "Beau social" would draw better. Let the ladies archers draw the beau. It is stated by the Aim Arbor Courier, that an Ionia farmer fatteued liis hogs on the surplus apples in the orchard, and realized a handsome profit. Must have been the greasy eoat" variety, the only larded apples knovvn. They had a man arrested at A nu Arbor last week for trying to kill his wife in a house of ill repute. It would be gratifying to discover the moral of this, but it appears to have been thoroughly mmoral, in all'its phases. Hïhe Ann Arbor Courier is kicking because the postinaster advertises no quarter-off sale in postage stainps. There may be no "quarter-off sale," but it is expected that there will be a "clearing out, by the next administraron. Last week an Aun Arbor lawyer whose cliënt was in jail, visited him there, and the turnkey finally forgetting his presence, locked him in, anc for two hours he had some realization of what justice was. Lawyers sometimes get their deserts, but not with such frequency as to break the monotony. The Washtenaw Times states that by the death of a relative in Sicily the late county treasurer Suekey, has fallen heir to a considerable fortune anc has gone to secrue it. It is to be hoped he will not return empty handed. Mr. Suekey has been "down ou his luck" in late years and fate seemed to "have it in for him." It appears to be as predicted - Sheriff Judson, of Washtenaw, receives the job of wardening the Jackson prison. Pingree i? not rewarding his enemies, by a long sight. Judson was one of the most potent "heelers," and the Pingree idea is to "lieel" the "heeler." Jud's a pretty good man, too. Now, if there is anything else that Washtenaw doesn't want, the other counties may stand some show. The Ann Arbor Courier heralds "glad tidings of great joy," to the effect that the annual row over the Junior hop, bas been settled. This will of course knock out the digestión of those who were spoiling for the yearly fight, but the United States will be greatly rejoiced and the morning stars will sing together, and ditto "the waste placesof Jerusalem." W. W. 'l Wedemeyer of Ann Arbor, selected by Gov. Pingree to be deputy railroad commissioner, is a splendid young man, with the omission of his politics - wliieh it were better, were a mülstone hung about its neck and it cast into the Huron river. "Weedy" is of, the "tal! Bycamore" variety- in act so tall that his legs barely reach the ground, and he has to get down on his knees to get into his pockets. He caunot be other wise than a good selection since he representa heaven and earth. Editor Dana, of the New York Sun, lately visited Anu, Arobor in a private palace car. Now the ocal editors, roused by envy, talk of liaving private palace care. Boys, go slow. Maj ; Dobson, was once editor of the Galveston News. Why he did not continue is thus related by himself r "I was in Europe sab, and inet Jim Gorden Bennett, of the New York Herald, sah. He was just ordering a ten column cablegram to his paper, on the Critical Situation in Europe. I didn't want to be behind Jim, sah, and I ordered the same cablegram to the Galveston News, and by Gord, sah, the whole business went to protest next day, sah." Go slow, boys. James Johnson, of Lambertville, used tobáceo excessively- always had a chew in his cheek, and couldn't row a boat without upsetting it, if he shifted the black moss from one side of his face to the other. He kept his nicotine in the cellar for the moisture. Last spring it "began to disagree with him," as the anaconda said, after swallowing a porcupine. He had stomach sickness, went blind in August, and experienced a sensation as of snakes crawling up his legs. He doesn't chew now, and is better. The circumstances that constrained him to swear off and keep the oath are as folows : One day in August, he groped his way to the cellar after another moist hunk of "North Carolina Pigtail," and put his hand in the sack in which it -was stored. The a:ick was empty save a quantity of "can rubjers," and Johnson returned and upH'aided his wife for taking the tobáceo out and replacing it with can rubbers. His wife said she had done nothing of the kind, and went, herself to see abont it. Johnson went along, and together they examined the sack. The eau rubbers turned out to be a ilacksnake two feet long, which had )een keeping Johnson's choice "chewn" moigt and sweet. What became of the only piece that reinained in the sack, Johnson does not know, but thinks the snake swallowed it. He einptied the snake into the flre, and aying hold on the horus of the family altar, swore by his gods, never to take another chew. He has not broken ;he oath.