A Cheerful Chapter

He who said that beauty is but skin deep never examined the inwardness of a watermelon. A spaiik-akkksteb is a recent locomotive deviee, but nothing seems to fill the bilí of a spark-arrester so well as a good, hoalthy dog with a krfack of holding on. Some one asked ;in oíd lady about a sermón: "Could you remember it?" "Remember it? La! no; the minister couldn't remember it himself. He had it written dovvn.!' Every bioyolist siiould use his personal influence to secure good roads, but this duty does not require him to get off his wheel over the handles and smooth the highway down with the baok of his neck. Explainixo a proverb. - "Papa, what does this mean: 'It is better to givo tlian receive?' " asked a little boy of a fond parent. "It means, my son, that your mother finds more pleasure in lecturing me than I do in hearing her." "IIaik cut, sir?"' "No, only a shave." "Bay rum, sir? Your face looks a little rough." "Yes, you shaved me last week. Have I my choice of liquids?" "Cortainly, sir." "Then give me a little chloroform before you begin, please!"' "These goes a man down the Street, Charley, who I wish would make it a practice of wearing feit slippers about the house." "Why on earth are you interested in what he wears upon his feet, Fred?" "That very thinff interests me deeply. You see the old gentleman forbiáo me paying attentiona to his daughtor, Mamie." She - "Speak out, Mr. Prudence, if you havo any thing to say." He - "No, thank you. There's a phonograph hid under the center table, your little brother is under the sofa, the hired girl is at the key-hole, and youp mother is looking over the transom. The only thing that restrains me is my doubt as to the whereabouts of your father." Among the wealthy bnt somewhat unculturcd patrons of a certain Ohio college is a libcral-minded Cleveland merchant, who was reocntly invited to an alumni dinner and was callod upon for a speech, "ith much confusión ho rose to respond and began by saying: "My friends, you know I'm not a college man, and can't wake a speech. I don't even know whether the refreshment class comes previously bcforo or pre"iously after thesreamore clasa, but - " The conclusión ol the smtence was lost in applause.