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TOTES AND M1 ll MS "How oíd isyour grandfathei?" "One hundred and three years oíd." "You surprise me. I had no idea he was a centaur. - Harper's Bazar. Adam might have been the "goodliest man of men since bom'' but it doesn't appear that he ever did anything especially good íor his large family. What a lasting bleesing he might have left behind if he could have made Salvation Oil and kill pain. Howell Gibbon - Why do you look so awfully down-hearted.medeah boy? Hoffman Howes- I was pondewiñg on a great matter, Howy. Who will we have to follow when the dear pwince becomes king? Howell Gibbon- AVhy, oíd fellah, don t be unhappy; we shall still have a captain to look to. Albaht Victaw will be pwince then.- Puck. We have sold Ely'e Cream Balm about three years, and have recommended lts use in more than a hundred ípecial cases of catarrh. The unanimons answer to our inquines i, "Ifs the bst remedy that I ever used " Our experience is, that where parties continua its use, it never fails to cure. - J. H. Montgomery, & Co., Druggists, Decorah, Iowa. 9 ■ The chancee are that a long-feit want is about to be filied. A Hoboken man is working on a collar button with a whistle attachment.-Yonkers Statesman. Geo. M. Walter, Messenger of the Adama Express Company, Baltimore, Md., says: "Having uséd Dr. Buli's Cough Syrup for the past ten years in my famihr, I wish to say I considerit the best Cough Syrup I ever uaed It has cured my children of croupseveral times and saved me many a doctor's Woman is a greedy creature. She robbed man of a rib at the outset of her career, and she has been after his heart ever since.- Boston Transcript. After diphtheria, scarlet fever, pneumonía, or any other severe illnessthere -i-m better tonic than Hooá'a Sar8aDe Canter-"Is there any sure way to teil the age of a horse?" De Trotter- 'Yes. Ask the dealer and multiply bv t wo."- New York Weekly. " When I began using Ely's Cream Balm my catarrh was so bad I had headache the whole time and discnarged a large amount of filthy matter That hss almost entirely disappeared and I have not had headache since - J. H. Sommers, Stephney, Conn. ,hat,do y? ?ar t0 a 'mP after diniJ?7" ?sked Walker, anxiousfor a walk. JNotoing. I unchain the dog."- Puck. Obedleuce. The parson thui the lesson brines Of propren to hit wn and helr, No lowly aima your mind bkll share. Reach ever arter hlgher thiugs." And when thereat the yonth elate vía teek the jam on top slielf hid The derteal advlBer dld Uia epidermU lacérate, - Botton Journal. ■l Hfd Was Fairly mollen, And how nmch I suffered it is hard to describe. That loathsome disease catarrh, caused the above, and the doctors said they could not relieve me. I paid hundreds of dollars, for which I received no benefit. I got more good rom two bottles of Sulphur Bitters than irom all the money I paid to doctors I shall continue the Sulphur Bitters as I have great faith they wilt cure me.' - S. M. Day, 41 Hanover-st, Boston, A Hferlted Compliment. Band Leader- You vants ns to blav mit der funeral? Ees it a militarv funeral? Stranger- No, it's the funeral of my brother. He was a private citizen. He requested that your band should plav at his funeral. Band Leader (proudly)- My band, eh Vy he shoose my pand? Stranger- He eaid he wanted everybody to feel sorry he died.- New York Weekly. r Acker's Kiiki1nIi Pili Are active, effective and pure. For sick headache, disordered stomach, loss of appetite, bad complexion and biliousnegs, they have never been equaled either in America or abroad.