Pushing. Shoving. Beating him to be first in the bathroom. Slamming the door in his face; the

Success of victory filling me up.

Every single day.

Not caring about being clean until I realized he did.

 

Standing on my tiptoes. Jumping on his back. I’ll never be the tallest.

 

When a game of

Tag was less harmless than you’d think. 

When being tagged really meant falling off a slide. Breaking two teeth against the ground. Bitter taste still in my mouth. Right next to the bonding, now solidified on my teeth.

 If nothing else,

A constant bargaining chip to get him to do what I want. 

 

Whispering into the night.

A galaxy of  glow-in-the-dark stars cemented to the ceiling above me.

Lava lamp bubbling and blustering on the nightstand, 

my covers: swirls of blue 

And green. His were red and white. 

Because who needs stereotypes when you live in your own little world?

 

Lots of hand-me-downs.

 

Them. The twins. 

Never your own person. Always part of a pair.

Him and I. Me and him. 

That’s how it’s always been.

 

Stealing fries off his plate. 

 

Afraid of being separated for the first time. 

14 is too young to actually be alone.

A bolted door. Drapes drawn shut over the windows.

It’s alright--they told me. 

He’s only being called to the office

He’s only going into the back room

He’s only talking to the camp director--but we all know what happens to kids who go to the office.

 

On a golf cart home the next morning.

 

You don’t know how relieved I was when he got off the golf cart. I hugged him...crying.

I’m sorry. I know he thinks I’m overdramatic. 

 

Seeing him in the audience of every show. Every dance recital. 

Every school concert. 

Even the ones where I was stuck in the back.

Especially the ones where I was stuck in the back.

 

Someone to read over all my essays before I hand them in.

 

Secret conversations at the dinner table.

Conversations our parents won’t ever 

Be able to understand.

 

A room all to yourself, who’s door

Has been forced to open up too quickly. 

 

No more secret handshakes,

No more games. 

No more best friends—

 

Barely even twins. 

 

But I guess that’s life.