When I was younger I would always say that my biggest fear was the ocean.
Quite honestly, if you look into the dark abyss
And don’t feel a bit of terror, I might think you’re a little insane.
How can you not worry about falling into the unknown depth?
Not tremble at the idea of encountering a shark?
But what I find most unsettling about the ocean is its strength.
Out of nowhere, a huge wave can knock you down,
Pulling you below the surface, and keeping you under the water.
Under the water that never seems to end.
When you’re struck by a wave there’s no time to take a quick breath
Before entering a world without oxygen.
You try to breathe when there’s no air:
A hopeless battle you know you’ll lose.
When endless thoughts stream into my mind,
I remind myself to breathe.
I try to push past the loud buzzing and warnings,
And just think, breathe.
But sometimes the words are too loud to stop,
Too degrading to ignore.
I never considered that my own thoughts could hurt more than a shark bite.
I know I’m not in the ocean, so why are tidal waves crashing against my skull
With such an impact that water seeps from my eyes?
My thoughts swim faster and faster,
Each new idea a whirlpool that pulls me under the surface,
To a world without oxygen,
There’s no air now.
I can’t speak the words to call for help.
Why did no one tell me that the depth of my own mind can be scarier
Than the depth of the ocean?
I tremble as my thoughts don’t stop swarming,
As false perceptions make me feel worthless and afraid.
I can’t ask for help, there’s no oxygen,
Many unwanted trials have proven Time to be the best lifeguard,
And sleep to be the biggest safe boat.
When you’re stuck underwater without oxygen
You're left to sink into the deep abyss,
And eventually darkness consumes you.
Now if you were to ask me my greatest fear,
I would immediately think, myself.
But I can’t say that.
So with a plastered smile and lighthearted laugh,
I simply say,