Divorce: Image Is Fading

ua - 3 f t -T i "For better or íor worse," the II bride and groom still pledge. Until worse becomes unbear able. At that point, 528,000 couples in America last year called it quits. A recent government report measured this near-record divorco rate at 2.9 per 1,000 population. Washtenaw County, with 725 divorces within a population estimated last year at 235,000, matched it to the decimal. What's shocking about these figures to most people is . . . nothing. The gossipy, gloomy how-low-have-our-m values-sunk image is fading from divorce. And some local persons who dcal with divorce professionally regard it as a "healthy thing." "Let's face it. On the whole it's a reasonable solution to a miserable life," University Prof. Lenin A. Ealer states. "Few fall i n t o the 'hollywood divorce' category. Ninety-five per cent remarry, most of t h e m only once. "Divorce has risen in this century because of a decrease in the social stigma related to a decrease in religious pressures. It is more economically possible for women because, better educated, they can support themselves with better jobs. 'The pill' may have contributed to the divorce rise indirectly by allowing young couples to put off having children. Earlier generations with families often felt obliged to endure an unhappy m a r r i a g e 'for the children's I sake'." But Dr. Baler's main interest I is not in the cause of divorce but I the effects Although society at I large may be seeming to take I the ins and outs of marriage I more in stride, the individual I usually doesn't. In his field of I community mental health, Baler I has found that a far higher I portion of divorced persons than I married are in need of I trie counseling. f "T h e psychological problems of divorced persons are mostly I reaction to recent intense stress I rather than anything I ed," Baler says. "It's important I for the recently divorced person I "mmseíf, as well as the persons I roundjiimto realize this. The nature of getting a I vorce worsens the crisis. It's the I lawyer's job to legitimatize the I reascjn for it, forcing him to ask I the plaintiff embarrassing I tions in court, Baler continued. I The ordeal is bound to leave I him emotionally shaken. In the court records, the I grounds are usually listed as I "extreme and repeated I ty," but on the witness stand, the plaintiff has to spell it out: "He used to be gone for days without telling me why . . . there was no communication bej tween us except when we were fighting ... we were sexually incompatible ..." Local attorneys such as Jack J. Garrís, who has been practicing here for 17 years, establish these causes in the course of several counseling sessions with their clients. From the initial interview he gathers a confidential record of the couple's marital history, f i n a n c e s, property, problem areas and the present status. On many occasions, he says, he convinced a cliënt to "buy his wife a bunch of flowers, go home and try again." Although 725 divorces were granted in Washtenaw County last year, more than half again as many - 1,106 total - cases were started. Garris believes that the difference is a result of couples who did try to salvage their marriages. "It's every lawyer's duty to help them try," he says. Baler believes it is ,the Washtenaw County Community Mental Health Center's duty to help the lawyers - "not necessarily for the purpose of preventing the divorce but to decrease the pain for the persons involved. Mental health workers should collaborate with lawyers in providing counseling services for the nearly or newly unmarried. People should be able to get divorced," he says, "without hating themselves or each other." B e c a u s e divorced persons have historically shown a need for mental health counseling,, they composed a large section of a "Description of the Washtenaw County Population" in which planning data was compiled for the Community Mental Health Center last March. Baler was director of research for the project. It showed, among other things, that most area divorced persons congrégate in central Ann Arbor and Ypsilanti. "This is not to say that the divorces occurred there; it's just that the average divorcee doesn't stay in the suburbs or the small towns like Saline or Chelsea where every housewife suspects she is after her husband," Baler explains. "They go to the city where there is relative anonymity, others like them, and better chance of finding a mate." There is a striking difference in statistics compiled for the "central city," which in Ann Arbor would include the downtown and campus areas, and the low-income north central I neighborhood within it. Here I the numbers of divorced are I swelled by another statistic: I the separated. "Separation is at least four I times as prevalent in the ghetto I área as elsewhere in the city," Baler said. Both he and George I Stewart, director of the Legal I Aid Clinic, blame this on the I U.S. welfare system. "A condition to receiving Aid I to Dependant Children (ADC) I allowances is an absent I ent," Stewart explains. "What I on the surface may appear as desertion could be a cagey husj band and wife who realize if they don't live together they can increase their income. President Nixon's p r o p o s e d I welfare reforms would elimiI nate the absent parent clause," I he adds. At the Legal Aid Clinic, StewI art estimates that one-third of I t h e cases handled involve I domestic relations of one sort lor another, particularly I divorces. The caseload has I increased from 1,000 interviews I in the clinic's first year of operation, 1967, to 1,300 last year I with 1,800 predicted for 1969. Legal services are free to qualifying low-income clients. Stewart suspects that there is still a J considerable backlog of county residents who do not realize 1 they can now "af ford" a I . divorce. "income is frequently a Ë factor leading to the divorce of I middle class couples, but among D our clients it's almost always II the reason," Stewart says. "It s I more basic than an argument, over which color televisión to HH buy; it's paying the rent next ■ week. 9S "There are some instances Bjgjgj; in which we can be of assistance I in a marital crisis by 1 ing the main pressures, such as ■ harassment by creditors. We I can talk to creditors and WxM range for a small amount of M$j3 the debtor's wages to tyt paid ■ each week." 3Sfi Is divorce a traumatic vent BpN for the low-income person? H "Many of our clients have been Hfó living away from their mates Egfor years," Stewart says, ■ ing his head. "For them it's K'f just legalizing an existing fact." l#g "That's all divorce is, a legal Rg term," Baler says. "Many gg riages exist in a state of PKG chological divorce that is for vnffi more damaging." ■j "EspeciaUy to the children, fe agrees Richard Benedek, friend g of the court in Washtenaw K8 County. His office has Eg tion over some 10,000 (he íq mates) children of divorced Ivj homes who received over $2Vfe 1'.- million in support payments l. here last year. fel "The real tragedy of divorce 1 I is that the children often feel 1, 1 they are responsible for the marriage falling apart," I dek says. "That is as false as ha the concept that they could lj J hold it together." & He, too, wants to do more Eg 1 cating of parents and children I preparatory to the divorce Kg i coming final. Persons filing for I divorce are interviewed by ï I cial workers in the friend of Ig I . the court office who then make Kg li recommendations regarding f mony and support payments. j l Benedek hopes to lengthen I [ these interview periods so that R I the social worker has more time f M to counsel the parents as well B I as gather information. j "Even parents who are very M t sophisticated and dedicated are I l so wrapped up in their own I ï trauma that they ignore the I ■ sensitivity of their young I I dren. They think at two or five I years old, the child is oblivious I I to the new tensión in the house." This tensión enacts the Ir I chological divorce," far more I ' I final than any words by the I judge. Both Benedek and I I ris predict the elimination of the I ' I concept of "fault" in a divorce; I I divorces will be granted I I tween" persons, not to one party I I or the other. The "dead I I riage" will become grounds for I "rl divorce." With a touch of realism and I ■T'-l regret, Benedek foresees that I . I divorce laws will I ml creasingly überal. "I guess it's I I wise; you can't legislate I ■ -."[ ness in a home."