Robbed Of His Christmas

An oíd negro was asked how he had enjoyed himself at Christmas. "Mighty slow, sah," he replied; "powerful slow. I had looked forward to a mighty fine time, but it 'pears dat de Lawd wasn't willin fer it to take place." "What kept you from enjoying yourself?" "Well, sah,i' 'peared like sarcumstances wus ergin me. Chris'mus eve I had jest set down on er bench wid er jug side me, when dar come er knock on de do'. Mind you, dis wuz 'fore I had dun tasted de licker. I got up an' opened de do'. Two white genermen dar said da wanted ter see me. I stepped out, an' click! da put han'cuffs on me. Says I 'What you come foolin' wid er man dis way fur? No way ter cut up when de Chris'mus is so close by.' Da didn't say nothin', but tuck me to gaol. I tried ter get a hearin', but wuz tole dat all de officers o' de law wuz joyin' de Chris'mus, an' didn't hab no time ter fooi wid de law. Well, sah, I waited till two days airter Chris'mus, an' den da tuck me 'fo de jestice o' de peace. Da sed I hád stole er ca'f. I knowed da couldn't prube it, so I didn't let it bodder me, only I was mighty sorry dat de Chris'mus dun gone. Da fumbled 'roaun' erwhile an' spluttered erbout might'ly, but atter while turned me erloose. I went home, but dar wan't nothin' in de jug - Chris'mus'dun sp'ilt." "You say you knew that they could not prove that you stole the calf?" "Yes, sah, dat's zactly what ] says." "How did you know it?" "I teil you why. I tuck dat ca'1 de darkest night dat ebber wuz, an' know nobody didn't see me. Oh, you neenier look. Kain't try er man twice fur de same ca'f. Oh, ] got' de law on de hid this time, sho but de law sp'ilt my Chris'mus fur me. Me an' de law is innimies