I’m wandering away from the light of day. I’m confused. I keep hearing my father's echoing lonesome voice banging into the inside of my skull constantly. This is not a classic tale, it’s mine.
I go to a public High school with the grand title of, Tucket ManHattan High. People call it many names, as in Prision, their personal jail cell. My opinionated favorite, High school. Ever heard of that one? High school is high school. Speaking I have zero friends, I am a shadow of the walls, and in my eyes, if I ever left. Well, I don’t think I would have a big impact to our school. Actually, no impact in fact. I’m a loner. Although, people don’t care how I feel inside, and if they did know, maybe for once in my nine years of education, I would get an act of compassion. I’m a mess inside. Students never would imagine a girl with no friends, actually having truthful, and real feelings. My inmost being is as worthless as a particle of lint. I’m not a single child in fact. I have two siblings, who are indeed beyond popular than I am, and ever will be. Both outgoing, and maturing gentlemen that are amazing and absolutely a delight to mess around with. Although that is only in my imagination. I am not only a speck at my school, I am also one in my home life. Sometimes my mother forgets to put extra food in the crockpot for me. Ouch. My mother has the name of Aurora Dawn, beautiful name. Rolls off your tongue, kind of like how I rolled off everyone’s heart and mind. As I walk home from a long day, I open up my front porch swing door, to our white, red bricked home. My bedroom is straight across from my older brothers bedroom, and about seven feet from the nearest restroom. Bradley is the name of my older brother. I know him. He’s the captain of the Tucket basketball team, amazing grades, superb attitude. He is my hero. Just like in high school, he has no clue who I am. If I were to go off, explore the powerful forrest. Seek creatures, go beyond the universe. He wouldn’t notice anything to be abnormal. People may ask, why does Wrigley act the way she acts?
October 17, 2004. Everything in the entire world completely stopped, for my family of course. Aurora had got a phone call on our house line, speaking of horrific, and unbearable news that shocked and devastated the Dawn family household. Wahlberg Dawn had been instantly killed at exactly nine-thirty seven that October fall morning of a extreme train road accident. Train you might think is a odd vehicle to travel by, although Wahlberg didn’t believe in cars. Weird pet peeve, is it not? When arriving the call, it had already been three hours almost, so in other words, no matter how hard we all tried, there was no hope at all. Possibly, if people would ever communicate with me, maybe they would know why I’m a quiet, calm girl. I was a Daddy’s girl you could say. My father had a very still personality, just like me. I bonded a knit tight relationship with my father, and in my heart I knew it would last forever and ever. Obviously, this well put together friendship I had with him will have to be put on pause until the day comes of when I see him again. I know in my soul and mind that the bond will stay true until it’s in a much better place. My household itself didn’t change much at all, me on the other hand, you can say I’m in a weird period time in my life. Wahlberg has been gone for three years now, and I feel like I am the only one who remembers his odd and uniqueness to his gentle smile on his round cheeks, reminding me of a crisp apple. I cannot stand to talk about my father, it hurts too much. The only family member that was a tiny bit sober for the time being was Michael. Michael has no emotion towards me, nor Bradley. He is definitely considered a mama’s boy. My mother doesn’t help him much either with that trait of course. Michael brought the presence of dislike to my father, and his leadership in our vintage style, white interior home. Aurora, all she did on her part was treat Michael, showering him with unexpected goodies she happened to stumble upon on her journey home from work. The journey she explains is always “coincidence.” A coincidence that happens every week? I don’t believe a second of what she says anymore. She doesn’t express my father’s absence either. Does anybody? I would confront my family about how I’ve been feeling, but in this feeling I want to talk about is mostly anger towards them and well….I’m scared. I’ve never once in my life said my feeling out loud, but only showed them. Probably not the best personality trait ever, but it’s mine. And I’m okay with that. Inside I know who I am, who my mother is, and who my two siblings are. Although I never have experienced a real, indulging conversation, ever with my family. Seems kind of odd, and mysterious to me know that I’m dawning on the realisation. I am scared of my mother. I am scared of my school. I am terrified of the future. What do I want to do in the future?
The future. Huh? Never thought about it much. What talents do I really have? I was the water carrier for the junior varsity Tennis team in seventh grade, but that was only a demanding punishment after I started the best food fight any public, private, or boarding school will ever see. It was legendary. Imagine, Amberin Sealer trailing by, and then get pelted by a greasy, watered down, over spiced bowl of ice cold soup I never microwaved. The look on her face turned into a furious smile. I had not once seen someone so embarrassed, furious, and delighted with joy in my life. Has anyone really? As she scooped up the remaining spaghetti that laid at her feet, she threw as hard as she possibly could at her suspect. Will Dando. The boy that rarely ever talked, but was the closest student near her. As he slowly turned his head, Amberin realized it wasn’t him just by his slow reaction. She started plading out an apology, right as he grabbed his homemade tuna salad and chucked it horribly and hit Sean Acres leather jacket he was taking off. Sean was the captain of the middle school baseball team, and wouldn’t deal with anything a quiet, and shy kid he didn’t know mess with him. And there you have it. That’s how you start a real food fight.
As I wander away from the past memory from that seventh grade lunch, I really start to get serious about this future gig. I mean just the name, Future. Like what does that even mean? Like I was talking about before, the only outside experience I’ve ever had was the tennis team water girl, but that would never become a lifetime job opportunity. I wasn’t even talented at it, and the sad thing is, there’s not much to be talented at! It’s not just the water job that has me shaken up, it’s the fact that I really don’t have any friends. I have to pursue to get myself out there, but… I just can’t. What I am feeling inside is a wrecking ball construction site. My feelings are already a mess, and the mixed hormones aren’t helping much either. I am crying out. I need someone to talk to, and my mother is too horrible to communicate to, my brothers don’t love me, and my earlier quote, “I am a shadow to the walls.” I’m desperate for my daddy.
A developing woman needs her man companion. Not a boyfriend, or just guy buddy, but a father figure. My father was the most intelligent, compassionate, and shy man you will ever meet. Even the county convenience store, the clerk running the counter would light up with purpose when they spoke to him. Everyone did. Including me. I was not always stubborn. I’ve always lacked popularity major, but I was always kind, and tender hearted. I just wish that could be that way again. But I will never be the same. I am trembling through time trying to forget. The depth in my heart is thumping with a moan screaming to get out.
As I am lost and dazed on my bed side, I hear my name get called by a familiar voice and tone. I tip-toe down the spiral staircase my dad had put in when I was around the age of four. As I glance around balcony of the railing, I see a figure that seems to be Michael. but is tall enough to be Bradley. In my normal voice, weak and soft, I nervously said, “Who is that? Michael?” I hesitate ask another word. I wait impatiently, and begin to ask again, when the voice clarifies it’s Bradley. “Come here Wrig.” Bradley said sturnley. I’m not going to lie, it felt kind of comforting for Bradley to use my nickname I haven’t heard anyone call me in years. I walked normally to him with confidence, until I saw the seriousness on his sunburned cheek face. I never noticed how handsome he really is. Then again, I never look at him very much. “Wrigley, we need to talk. It involves Michael.” Bradley said with a strange demeanor. A little creepy actually. “What do you mean? Did he have a heart attack of excitement when he saw another “coincidental” gift from mother?” I chuckled with sarcasm. “Wrigs, this is serious. Michael was getting a ride home from one of his older debate team members, and they took to sharp of a turn, and bumped into another car. Michael happened not to be wearing his seatbelt, and went through the windshield. He going to be okay, but mom wants us both at the hospital now. So go get in the car, and don’t say anything, or your bad personality is going to break down the engine.” Bradley said with a sly smile. I did what he said, and didn’t say a word until we reached the hospital parking lot. I had asked him if he had known what room Michael was going to be staying in, but Bradley didn’t respond. To be completely honest, it felt nice to be in accompanied by someone else. As we locked the car up in the parking garage, we walked in and the check in desk had at least a thirty minute wait. We stood in line and I was desperate to make small talk. I took a breath, and started to speak, but Bradley had beat me to it. “So, how have you been? I miss hanging out with you, you know that right?” Bradley looked at me with settle eyes, and I felt warm and fuzzy. “I’ve been pretty good, I guess. And really? You miss me? I thought you all hated me?” I said. Oh my word, did I just say that out loud? The guilt and regret building around throat and stomach are over powering my blood system. “What’s that suppose to mean? Do you know how much I care about you, all you do is push me away. You have a lot of nerve to say that.” Bradley’s nostrils flared. We never spoke until we finally got up to the desk, “Michael Dawn?” Bradley spoke up and said. The lady repeated the name, and Bradley shook his head as yes, that’s his name. She turned her head back to her computer desktop and then handed us a piece of paper with Michael’s information. Room 2305. Floor 2, room 305. Still in silence, we found his hospital room, and quietly crawled our way through the doorway. Aurora quickly looked up, and started tearing up. Soon that teariness to her eyes would turn into a ball. “My baby!” She started crying, and ran to my arms and squeezed me fairly hard. This is the desperate attention I’ve been longing for, I too grabbed my mother’s body and hugged. I started crying, and my mother pushed away to see me. She quietly asked, “What is the matter Hun?” My mom said as she pulled me back into her arms. This is my chance. My anger has vanished, my emotions are trembling, I’m going to break down. “I need you! I am lost, I’m confused, I’m. I’m. I’m depressed.” I completely broke down. My face is broken in hives, I am not even Wrigley Dawn anymore. I’m stubborn, I’m a wreck, I’m shy. Why is my life like this?
My mom was shocked that I opened up like that, by a question of what is wrong. “Wrigley? Why have you never said anything?” My mother confronted me. “ I need my dad, and you guys never cared about him, you never loved him, you never loved me for crying out loud!” I cried out with anger. “Young lady, you can shut that mouth of your right now, because that’s not true.” My mom yelled at me. “Oh is it not. Last Wednesday, you forgot to put food on for me! What horrible mother does that! You don’t care for me, you never even cried at his funroll, or even asked me if I was okay. I’m done with you Aurora, I am just done.” I finally said. I feel amazing, my emotions are spilling out as if I am tipping over a jug of unopened vegetable oil. My mom opened her mouth, and closed it as if she had nothing to respond with. It’s all true. Those things actually happened, and I’m glad they did because now I have proof that she feels guilty. “I’m so dearly sorry. What have I done?” My mother whispered. “you’re just like him. Your smile. Your looks. Your voice. I can’t handle it.” My mother looked up at me crying. What? What does she mean? Just like him. his voice? “What?” I asked. “I couldn’t handle you Wrig. I can’t look at you and not think of him. Your him. You are Wahlberg Dawn. Every time I looked at you after his descendant, I had to shut it off. And I’m regretting it more then anything in the entire world, because I shut off you.” My mother ran into my body hard, wrapping her arms tightly around me. “Momma. I never knew.” I started to cry, and I pushed her away and turned to wrap around Bradley, when Bradley put his arms out to deflect my hug. “No, I need to know why you hate me. Come on, you said it yourself.” Bradley said as he crossed his arms. “You’re the captain of the basketball team, you never loved father either, you can’t..” “No! That’s where you're 100% wrong.” Bradley interrupted. “I am a wreck inside. Basketball is a sport. I have to work so insanely hard for where I am now. Dad was the most incredible man and role model ever, and now he’s gone. So whatever you said about me, that’s not who I am. You don’t know me.” He said. He’s right. I don’t know him. I thought I did but I don’t. I jumped in his arms and didn’t let go. My mom joined to. I learned that day that you can’t judge someone unless you know them. Something blew a spark in that hospital room. My family was never the same after that. Michael was okay, and we shared our love of another with him. At school, I started to talk to some girls and boys, and I got to know their personalities, and a lot of them interested me in writing. That leads us to right now. Everything goes by so fast. That conversation that changed my life, all happened so fast. I’m over joyed it did. Life flies by. Hold on it’s a long journey. I have a couple words to leave you with
You are loved, so never let go of family.