I take one step off the curb, my breath hitching as I hiccup back a sob, headphones in, a fallen warrior of a tear traveling down the curve of their cord. I bit the corner of my lip as I held back any facial expression, tucking my phone into my back pocket; head down. The sun beat down its cheerful rays that opposed every emotion trembling in my body at the given time, and I flipped up a hand to call a taxi. One immediately rushed up and I slipped it, tucking myself in the seat crease near the door as I gazed out at traffic. It never stopped moving, cars flying by in busy paths like ants, people on the sidewalks following their routes without looking up like bees following trails to flowers. I unconsciously slipped my phone out of my pocket, flipping it over and over again as I tried to de-stress myself. 

“Take me anywhere, I don’t give a shit,” I spoke once to the taxi driver, him giving me a strained look as he looked back at me through the mirror. 

“Had a bad day, buddy?”

I didn’t respond. The car stopped at a park. The sun began slipping down behind the trees in curls of gold and rose pink, and I paid the driver exact change. As I walked away from the car I glared at the sky as tears blurred my vision and turned it into molten color, and crushed my phone in my hand, skyrocketing the volume. I winced, shook my head as tears fell, and ripped the earbuds out of my ears, throwing them both to the ground. 

“I didn’t ask for this!” I shouted. “I never asked for this!” I stumbled a few steps into trees, ignoring logic as I made it past a child’s playground and into a grassy, mowed field. I fell to the ground, hands making their way into my hair, twisting and knotting it as I screamed to the ground. The sky above me faded further into a mix of milky grays and crushed-velvet blue, and I groaned as I fell back into the grass, smudging dark green stains across my pants as I shut my eyes, blocking out the harsh world. I just wanted to fall asleep there and fade out of existence, and never have to open my eyes again and deal with reality. I dragged a hand across my face, knowing that if I did that none of my problems would ever be solved, not that I cared. 

I tensed as someone poked my cheek, and my eyes flew open. I stared up at a set of hesitant teal eyes, then shut mine again. I knew my face was blotchy and red, and my eyes were likely rimmed in the same color. The spot on my cheek which changed color when I overheated was bound to be the same, and my clothes were grass stained and damp from the coolness of the overhanging nighttime humidity. I knew I most likely looked drunk. I opened my eyes again. Maybe I could ignore life a little more. 

“Are you alright?” Blue Eyes asked. I looked at him, expressionless, then raised my arm and flipped him off. Blue Eyes didn’t flinch. I stared at him in slight respect. I didn’t really intend the insult behind the middle finger, I was merely telling life to go screw itself. Someone like him didn’t deserve to exist happily when I was lying here miserably. I groaned at my selfish view, knowing that in the scope of things I had no reason to complain. I was better off than some.  I sat up, hands falling to my lap as I slumped, waiting for him to leave me. I ran a hand through the grass near me, absentmindedly thinking of it as my small brother’s hair. I paused, clenching it in my hand.  Not my brother. Not him. Grass.

A hand gently pressed flat against my back and I stiffened as it did, another hand grabbing mine and leading me to stand. Blue Eyes’ hand fell from my back and my fingers flinched at the lack of contact. His hand was warm and soothing so I held onto it as I looked up to meet his eyes, which were level with my own. I said nothing.  

He walked me back through the park, and I nudged into a swing as we walked by them, looking back to watch it rock as he hesitated when he came to my phone. He stopped, glanced at me, then reached down to pick it up, continuing to hold my hand as he did so. I watched him expressionlessly, wondering if he might just grab it and run off, leaving me here. It wouldn’t be the first time I had been robbed by someone whom I thought had good intentions. He didn’t, however, instead he slipped it into his own hoodie pocket, and started walking again. I followed as we slid into society once more, stalking sidewalks as people walked by without glancing up once. He hesitated when we came to a crosswalk, before inhaling a breath, flickering his eyes opening then shut as he stepped off the curb like I had hours before, with a dead set expression of endurance. 

“I-.” he stammered as soon as we had made it to the next sidewalk. “I just have a problem with cars.” He laughed nervously, looking away into the swarms of persons then back at me as I continued to watch him. Blue Eyes glanced at his converse, then at the buildings surrounding us. “Failed my driver’s test 3 times. Just don’t trust other people to drive better than me, I guess. I’m fine with being in one, for some reason, but I won’t risk my life in front of them. ‘You get what I’m saying?” 

He scratched the back of his head nervously and I moved my head to the side slightly, finally dropping my eyes from him as I realized how uncomfortable I must be making him.  His hand slid out of mine almost hesitantly, and I let mine fall to my side, chancing a look down at my own hand as I remembered how warm he was. 

We made it to a building, tan and medium in size, and I looked up at it as Blue Eyes pulled the door open with a hand, gesturing to me with the other. I followed him up two flights of stairs and stood awkwardly in the tight gay between his door and his neighbor’s as he struggled with the keys. Finally, the key clicked and the door swung open, and as I stepped into the apartment I breathed in the scent that it carried. It smelled like apple and ambery wood. I wondered if that’s what he would smell like as well. Pushing the thought away, I turned to face Blue Eyes, who seemed to be somewhat out of breath from the double flights of stairs. I almost smiled, waiting for him to speak. 

“Um, you can take the couch, my spare room is full of – , , um, is a mess. And I’m sorry, but I just met you, and I don’t really want to give up my bed to a complete stranger, um, and I’m sorry but would you mind taking the couch? I mean if you really want to maybe-”

“No, that’s fine. I’ll take the couch.” My voice cracked and I swallowed dry spit, responding to him before he talked himself out of his decision.

“Okay,” Blue Eyes said, his eyes looking down as he scanned the semi-messy room, then fell across my legs. “Oh! Let me go get you a change of clothes.”

I stood awkwardly as he scurried off to get a change for and finally decided to take a seat on a barstool. I looked around, noticing all of the fandoms captured in the room. I smiled slightly for the first time that day, finally fully comfortable. I didn’t think someone with a Muse poster and bobbleheads on their bookshelves was going to do something unspeakable to me in my sleep.

“Hey, so here’s a shirt and some sweatpants, hope that’s good.” Blue Eyes walked into the room, having gained some confidence in the reassurance of his own home. 

“Thank you,” I said, swallowing. “Where’s the bathroom?” 

Blue Eyes directed me towards it and I locked the door behind me, quickly wiggling out of my clothes and slipping on the clean ones. I washed my hands and cupped them under the faucet, splashing my face with cold water, and only starting a little as I rubbed the ice water at the puffy red spots lining my cheeks. Finally deciding that was as good as it was going to get, I walked back out.

“Hi,” Blue Eyes greeted me. “Hey, here’s your phone back. I mean, it is yours, right?”

“Yea,” I said, taking it from his hand.

“And here’s some hot chocolate and a granola bar, because who doesn’t like hot chocolate?”

He asked, dancing around the kitchen as I slid back onto the barstool.

“Why granola?” I asked.

“Because I ate all the cereal and I’m out of everything but some lactose intolerant milk, and that doesn’t make for a very good snack unless you’re a cat who likes almonds,” Blue Eyes said happily, plopping three marshmallows into a mug he pushed towards me, as he put four in his own. “Why were you in a park at night?” He asked back.

“Why were you?” 

“Sometimes I like to sit on the swings and remember when I was a kid,” he shrugged. 

A warm silence enveloped the room, and I brought the mug up to my face, taking a gulp of the hot cholate.

“See, no one can not feel better when they have hot chocolate.” Blue Eyes said, sticking a spoon into his and fishing out a marshmallow. I laugh at the happy expression on his face as I relax and I spin a spoon sloppily through the milky chocolate mess in a mug, pushing down the marshmallows and watching as they twirl up again.                     

“Thank you,” I say looking up. Blue Eyes smiles at me. 

“My name’s Phil.” He grins widely, offering me a hand, “And I’m glad you like hot chocolate!”