As I awake the brightness of sun is gleaming through the window. I slightly turn my head to look over at my birch bedside table to suddenly glace at the time, Six fifty five. Wide-eyed I swiftly hop out of my bed and began getting dressed. As I finish pulling my turtleneck over my head I get an Instagram notification. I open it up to see my friend's outfit making me question whether or not my outfit is good enough. I then begin going into a rabbit hole of posts making me question if i’m even good enough. However when I get out of that mental state I check the time again to see, Seven O’Clock. I finish getting ready for the school day, and grab my breakfast and head out the door.
Once I arrive school I put a smile on my face wanting to keep my sadness inside. First period arrives which goes pretty quickly. Then I head to lunch and sit with a group of my friends. They somehow get onto the topic about how everyone should love themselves for who they are. However lunch ends and my class heads to music. After Music I head to my locker to get my backpack and head back home. While on the way home I stop to see people holding up signs say to LOVING YOURSELF IS THE ANSWER. Making my brain think, however I realize I have to get back home for dinner.
When I finally get back home I see my parents in the kitchen making dinner. I breathe in the air which smells like they are cooking something delicious. I set my backpack down near the front door. Then I make my way to the kitchen to see what they are cooking. My mom finally notices me walking to the kitchen and says “Hey honey, you finally came home we’ve been wondering where you were.” I reply back “Geez you guys need to stop worrying i'm here now.” “ So what are we even having for dinner?“ I ask trying to change the subject. “We are having Lasagna” My dad says calmly “How about you take a seat at the table, dinner is almost ready anyway.” I go take my seat at the dinner table, As I do so my parents come out to the table with food in their hands. They set everything on the table while i’m just staring at them doing everything making me feel help less. They sit and try to get some dialogue out of me. My mom begins by asking how my day was and stuff like most parents do. However they bring a topic that shocks me. They bring up about weird i’ve been acting. Then what shocks me the most is they say they have seen what i’ve been saying about myself. Which surprises me because I thought no one knew about it. Then they begin to question me about it. I don’t say anything so I get from the table grab my backpack and start sprinting to my room. As soon as I reach my room i rush in and slam and lock the door behind me. As soon as I slam the door I put my back against the door and slide onto the floor and start bawling my eyes out. Just as im bawling my eyes out my parents are frantically knocking on my door to make sure i’m alright. However I don't open the door because I don't want them to see me like this. After hours of crying my eyes out. I finally get up from my spot onto my bed.
I wake up again to a horrible ringing noise in my head, making my body feel nauseated. So I rapidly get up from my snug bed and rush to the bathroom. After I get out the bathroom I see my parents standing in front of the door way. “ Honey are you okay?” My dad asks with concerned look on his face. “ I’m fine just stop worrying about me worry out yourself.” I respond. I began to walk however my mom calls out “Just so you know your not going to school!” from down the steps. I keep walking back to my room with no response. The rest of the day I spent in room the only few times I went out of my room was when I either had to use the bathroom or needed something to drink or eat. My parents came in my room a few times too to give my some medicine and to try to talk to me about what happened yesterday. However they tried their hardest to get me to talk I didn't budge. I was like a boulder in my parents way. However even through all or that the day was very uneventful.
The next day which it was saturday made me think a lot. I was thinking about how my own thoughts of “how i’m not good enough” and “how i’m ugly” etcetera, just slip into my head and when they slip into my head they are as smooth like a snake and i’m the prey. Those thoughts just pop into my head there is no way of knowing when they will pop into my head it's just at random moments. Even if i'm having a good day it can all be ruined if I have one of those thoughts. Then I finally tell my parents about everything, I feel like they deserve to know I got them into this mess. After I tell them about how i’ve been feeling and about the thoughts i’ve been saying about my self. They comfort me they tell “Make sure to tell us next time, we just wanna help you through this. We also thank you for telling us, we also understand why it took you so long to tell us it must have been hard to speak up about how you feel.” And after that day I finally had my epiphany. The epiphany being loving myself is the answer.