Adrian Press Washtenawisms

There are people, still, who do not }uite understand what is meant by 'Ann Arbor Day." The night spoiler of Ann Arbor Flower gardens should be given a :hance to piek bird-shot out of his legs. M. B. Moon has become superintendent of a ChelseaSunday school. The light he shed on the scriptures, the scholars cali Moonshine. Prof. Rolfe, of Ann Arbor, matched his imported setter in joint debate with a Ypsiann motor. We give the professor this "pointer" - to be more careful of his next setter. # In the case of the professors who are quarreling over Dr. Obetz's proposal to fuse the two medical schools of the University, we recommend aconite in grain doses. Administer every fifteen minutes till the pulse drops. One Joe McGrath, of Ypsilanti, is said to collect a gas bilí so politely that customers do not begrudge themoney. He compliments all sorts of Misses and mammas and kisses all kinds of babies, but the company pays him well. Prof. Scott, of the University, has been offered the chair of English in a Massachusetts college, and is considering the offer, but has some hesitation about undertaking the language in a state where it is so little spoken and so violently opposed. It would have taken but a few moments for the Saline council to have secured a piece of hemlock slab from the sawmill and nailed it dow$ with an old axe; but it didn't do it and Mrs. Baty feil through the hole in the sidewalk and now asks the Corporation for damages. f f t f Clarance Green, of the Normal nine, at Lansing, last week, was hit on the cheek by a balt, with such rapidity that he immediately knew nothing more, for an hour afterward. General surprise is expressed that a "Normal" should have been so affected by a blow in the face. In trying to cross a freight train at Ann Arbor last week, a foot belonging to Chas. Hewitt, of Hint, was caught between two bumpers and crushed. However, he feil on the side he desired tó reach, which was considerable satisfaction and he limped off with his hat on one ear. It is sald that the University students spend annually in Ann Ajbor over $1,200,000. This statement, at the first blush, looks like a stupendous abberation of the moral fancy, but the sum is really only about S400 per student, and does not include what is spent at poker. Four hundred dollars will pay off the debt of the Petersburgh Fair association, and the Sun thinks that amount of stock should be immediately taken. Of course it should. There can just as well be a fair at Petersburgh this fall and a ballonist killed, as not. By all means let the citizens awake. Closely following the cyclonade or hurryclone - the newspapers have not yet decided which it was - comes the news from Ypsilanti that the society young men there have taken to wearing their undershirts outside. The Ypsilantian is authority for this. What strange effects are sometimes produced by fright. Prof. Vaughan, of the University, has drafted a bilí to regúlate medica expert testimony. The professor will have time to discover severa' new kinds of tyrotoxicon before his bilí becomes a statute. The time for introcuction of bilis before the present matcnless aggregation of oddities, expired long ago. Unless an immediate and combined effort is put forth to prevent Ann Arbor will have a raginfe poet in her midst. He is E. F. Johnstone, of the senior law class. He has already issued a volume and some extracts appear in the papers. The attention of the board of health is invited to this new danger. Mrs. William White, of Ypsilanti, said to her husband that she could remove with gasoline the paint on his pantaloons, and she did remove some of it before the explosión, which interrupted further experiment. The report that White was blown to fragments is not true, but Mrs. White was considerably burned. Mr. Marsh, of Waterloo, Jackson county, is aged 79 years, is the father of twenty-one children, has three wives lying in a row in Waterloo cemetery, and three others that he wishes were there. Judge Peck granted him a divorce from wife No. 6, on the ground of desertion, for he pitied the oíd man. What a matrimonial Waterloo was there! And the Normal baseball team spake unto one another, saying: "Let us go up unto Albion and smite the Dickieites hip and thigh; and behold; they shall become our meat." But when they were come, the Dickieites feil upon them and pounded them around the diamond 10 to 7, and they returned home on a shutter. Verily "all flesh is grass." Supervisor Jim Gilbert of Chelsea, has received from State Grease Examiner McMillan, an official parchment in which it is set forth that the said McMillan " having great confidence" in Gilbert's ability to detect the difference between a caddy of kerosene and a barrel of )lack strap, does appoint him a deputy gauger, for the ioth district. It akes a good, strong man to draw he salary in the ioth. The Lake house at Grasss Lake will soon have another story erected on top of it, making it a three-story suilding. The landlord's name is Teufel. He looks down.upon Lord, who runs a dry goods house in the sawie block - Ann Arbor Argus. When the last story is finished, it will be an auspicious time to repeat an old trick, by Teufel taking Lord to the top of the building and showing him " all the kingdoms of the earth and the glory of them." State Treasurer Hambitzer the other night stopped at an Ann Arbor hotel. As he had no baggage and the clerk didn't know him, he was compelled to cash up the price of a night's lodging, before the clerk would consent to house him. One of the sublimest things about our republic is the democracy of its citizens. Even state treasurers - such of them as are not in the penitentiary or Canada, for default - may deceive the eye and be mistaken for tramps. A series of lectures, designed to show what light modern discoveries lave thrown upon the Bible stories of Adam and Eve, Jonah and the whale, etc, will begin next Sunday evening in the M. E. church. The first lecture will discuss the "Creation." - Ann Arbor Argus. It is to be hoped that before the ectures close, some light will be shed on the question as to whether Jonah did or did not feel "down in theinouth" when gobbled by the whale. At a recent meeting of the ! versity Press Club, Miss Gertrude Buck, in a paper on "Legitímate j Sensationalism," held it to be the business of the newspaper to communicate all truths, and to do so dynamically. " Dynamitically " i would be better etymology. Yes, that is the way newspapers shouldbe run. They ought to teil the truth about people, but in mercy they don't do it. We are acquainted with a score or more of whited sepulchers whose reputations and standing in good society depend wholly on the forbearance of the newspapers trom telling what they know about them. Stripped of their disguise they would be shunned as more loathsome and contemptible than a Damascus leper. Yet these people carry their heads loftily, look down onthehumble newspaper man and act as though they thought it his duty - aye, his unpaid, thankless duty - to gloze over their crimes and bulge out their consumptive virtues. Some day - and we feel that day drawing nigh - forbearance with us will have run its course, and, smarting under unusual provocation, we shall cut loose on this masquerade of iniquity, strip off the habiliments of hypocrisy, and with the whip of truth " lash the rascáis naked through the world," "and don't you forget it ! "