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His Spring Hat

His Spring Hat image
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Williams bougkt a spring hat the otter day. He is naturally oue of the brightest and most cheerful men in New York city, but from the day that he put on that hat he wore a melancholy look which would have given hope to a man who has had a case for property damage against the elevated road for 13 years. Jle shunned all ais friends; he nevc-r smileú; he refused to go,to the theater; the World's fair had no charm for him - he was a glooiny, sour faced, hopeless, desperate looking man. A week afler he bought his spring hat he met Jones. Jones is al way s telling about things which have happened to him. Begin to teil him about a ride yon took, and he will give you an account of his jouniey across the plains on horseback. Let him know about your having bought a house and he will explain about his famous real estáte speculation in the dim past. Well, this trick of Jones uudoubtedly saved Williams' life. "Sée you've got a spring bat, too," said Jones. "How do you like the new style?" "Oh, I like the style well enough," answered Williams in a gloomy voice. "Say," said Jones, "speaking of buying new hats, did you ever notice how those machines that hatters use to get your size and shape show up your head?" " What has that to do with the new style?" said Williams sharply. "Oh, üothing, only" "It looks as if spring were about ready to come in earnest, doesn't it?" asked Williams. "Yes, but about the shape of one's head" "It's been about as mean a spring as I have known," Williams went on. "Now," said Jones, "when they put that machine on your head" 'Til be glad when summer gets here," Williams insisted. "When they put those machines on" But Williams was determined to discuss the weather. "It can't get too warm forme," he said energetically. "See here, Williams," said Jones, getting red in the face, "why in the world do you insist on talking about the weathel? I want to teil you about those head measuring machines." "Say, Jones," said Williams desperately, "let's go to the theater tonight. Let's go and get luncheon. Let's take a walk. Let's do anything." "Great Scott, maní" cried Jones. "What are you so excited about? I jus want to teil you about" "See here, Jones," said Williams sternly. "I don't want to hear another word about your infernal machine. I'm not going to listen to you. I won't do it," he said, shutting his teeth. "And I'm going to teil it to you," said Jones, getting mad enough to fight, "if I dieforit. What I want to say is this. When I looked at the shape of my head the other day, it was something awful - something awful, I say. Yes, sir," he continued, lookLng earnestly at Williams, who had unconsciously taken off his hat while he held one hand in a frightened way to his head. "Yes, sir, my head looked like an idiot's. That's what it looked like. " 'Csesar's ghost!' 1 said to the man, 'you don't mean to say my head is shaped like that?' " 'Why, no,'he said, this machine doesn't really show the shape of your head: it only brings out certain points to help us üt you.' " Williams looked dazed with surprise. "But say, you ought to have seen the kind of a head that thing gave me. Now" "Look here, Jones," cried Williams joy fully, getting his speech again, "come and have a drink. Come and have a bottle - come and have anything. Old man, you've taken a terrible load off my iuind. I looked at the shape of my head when I bought this hat. It was the first time I'd ever looked at that outline. Well, it nearly stopped my heart from beating. You never saw anything like it. Talk about your headl Mine looked like a flounder with a broken back and two twists in it. There were bumps and curls and holes and patches in it. I knew that if I had a head like that I was in danger of becoming an idiot any minute. There was no use to try and get around it. I about made up my mind that I was an idiot airead y . And now, come and have a drink, old mm. That's a load off iny mind." - Xew York Tribune. Joseph Schi'esser óf CTakrana; Cal., thinks he has solved the problem of Arctic travel by means of a device which puts a petroleum engine on a sled and makes the engine drive a series of spurs which taUe hold of the ice and foree the sled forvvard.


Ann Arbor Argus
Old News