Passing Pleasantries

"Do you believe in fate, Pat?" "Sure and phwat would we stand on widout 'em?" "Blinkerton is going into litigation." "What about?" "He got hurt in a duel and wants to collect his accident insurance. " George - Have I come too early, dear? Laura - No, Georg-e. We have just had tea, and i always ought to come rig-ht after t. Telegram from Nym Rodd. to the mans wife - Your husband met with an accident and was killed. Her Telegram - Send on the remains. The Answer - There are none, he met a bear. Jeweler - You don't need a key for that watch. You just turn the crown, So, and it will go. -Farmer Field - Just like a durned cow, ain't it? Give her tail a twist an' she gits up and gits. Father - But you have no meansand no prospects. If I give my daughter to you, what is to become of her? Suitor - Well, sir, you are a wealthy man, and you are surely not going to see your daughter jstarve. "Did you hear about the theatrical company that got stranded on a cannibal island?" "No." "Well, it happened, and the head of the tribe said .afterward that the best part of the meal got away while he was eating the supe." Mrs. Lafferty - Oi was a big fooi to marry yez, so Oi was. If it wasn't for me ye'd shtarve to death. Mr. Lafferty, haughtily - Don't be so stuck up, Mrs. Laft'erty. Yez needn't t'ink dthere air no other fools in dthis wor-r-rld besides yersilf. Jim - Honesty is ther best policy arter all. Bill - How? ".Eemember that dog I stole?" "Yep." "Well, I tried two huil days to sell 'im, an' no one offered more'n a dollar. So I went; like a honest man, an' guv 'im to th' ole lady what owned 'im, an' she. guv me 5." A eoal dealer asked some law students what legal authority was the favorite of his trade. One answered ' 'Coke." "Right," said the coal dealer. Another suggested "Blackstone." "tíood, too," said the questioner. Then a little man piped out "Littleton." Whereupon the coal dealer sat down.