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Adrian Press Washtenawisms

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Chelsea has on hand a $6oo debt and a nebular hypothesis in the shape of a sidewalk damage suit. ( Evangelist Willis has Dexter by the hair and both feet braced, trying to save her f rom the Niágara Falls of sin. The Dexter Leader announces the arrest and fining of several persons for spearing on Portage lake. Fish killing, against the law, is becoming 3. scaly business. It Is likely that the Keeley institute at Ypsilanti, will be moved to Detroit, where the peony-nosed bum is much more frequent to the square rod of population than he ever was at Ypsilanti. Since the unexpected appointment of Mr. Pond to be postmaster at Ann Arbor, an effort has been made to organize a society for the prevention of cruelty to animáis. The democratie pack-horse stand unblanketed in the cold. The Y. M. C. A. at Ypsilanti, has closed its place of meeting, owing it is said to the hard times. It is understood that the democratie party will be called on to shoulder the blame of the failure, thus affording the devil a chance to slip out of the account Bob Sutton, of Chelsea, 'lowed that he was a knocker and last week a match came off at Dexter between Bob and Frank Kellar, of Ypsilanti. It took 55 seconds to knock the conceit out of the Chelsea man, who as he laid down, supposed that his bones were all that struck the floor. Two mine owners, one of whom was Mr. Hinds, shook dice to see whether the the partner should give Hinds $35,000 or $50,000 for his interest. Fifteen thousand dollars hung upon a dice-throw! Hinds won, and is now able to soak his system in the hades-smelling mineral water of Ypsilanti. Ex-Ald. D. F. Schairer will soon commence the erection of a fine newresidence. - Ann Arbor Courier. No sooner does an Ann Arbor alderman get out of office than he begins to show the wealth that goes with official position. The salary should be cut down. It is fostering nabobs. The lecture of Senator Roger Q. Mills, of Texas, at Ann Arbor last week, on "Thomas Jefferson and the Principies of Free Government" was an event in the lecture history of the university, and there is many a youth there, who as he listened to the eloquent speaker, feit the spirit of patriotism tightening its clutch on his heart. Six hundred feet of the raain sewer of Ann Arbor are found to be cracked already. As the sewer is large enough to admit a person, an investigation of the inside will be made ]ust as soon as the authorities find a despondent man, about to commit suicide any way, who is willing to inhale death for the lives of others. Prof. Sill, of Ypsilanti, the new minister plenipotentiary to Corea, is not likely to find it dull, out where he is. Rebellion, assassination and a plot to kill the king are reported from that country. It wouldn't be surprising if the professor would yet find that minister plenipotentiarying in Corea, is more dangerous than umpiring a game of Normal baseball. "Now tnat hoss" remarked F. L. Brown, of Whittaker, as he rubbed his hand along the gambrel joint, "that hoss is one of the finest and withal one of the gentlest family beasts in the ." The reason he didn't finish the sentence was because at this juncture the horse kicked him on the leg with such force as to drive his discourse into another channel. ' "■ ' ■ A free fight occurred in Ypsilanti the other evening, in which race, color and previous condition of servitude were constitutionally ignored. It is no small gratification to those of us who have labored for the common brotherhood of mankind, to behold in this free fight the obliteration of racial distinction. The time will yet come when one race may chew the ear of anothei without the least symptom of stom ach qualms. Miss Hyde, of Ann Arbor, an( Grover Cleveland, of Washington are said to be lawful descendants o $30,000,000 now in the bank o England, awaiting the proper claimants. How we all love to build these glorious golden air palaces! They don't cost scarcely anything, are easily constructed, and being elevated, are no infringment upot) the rights of dwellers terrestrial. Success to Grover and Miss Hyde. Rev. Eugene Yeager, Methodist minister of Milan, was last week bitten by a nasty cur, not worth five cents. Mr. Yeager is subject to heart trouble, and the nervous shock following, nearly caused his death. It is extremely regretable that the pure and peaceful fruits of righteousness, as exemplified in this eloquent divine should be checkmated and neutralized by the unregenerate act of a low, dirty pup. E. S. Jameson, of Ypsilanti, a democrat and G. A. R. survivor, ran for school inspector. Did the rads rally round the old comrade and whoop him in as becometh those who love the old soldier, regardless of party? They did not. What did they do? Run a young lady against him and knocked him down by 201 majority. Sit down Jameson - beg pardon, you are already down. But we "dimecrats" are not in it this spring. "Grangers' grove," Manchester, is now an illustration of over-doing it. The grove has been cut down, the stumps blown out, and the soil made ready for the plow. The gra' , r whose lot is to sow and to rea;, ought not to cut down the shady grove, where he, with all the community, coald congrégate for a picnic, make speeches and allow the straddlebugs to fall down the back of his neck as he recites in eloquent phrase the tiials and privations he underwent as a pioneer. He that runneth with patience the race that is set before him, the same is sure to be at last rewarded. Now there is Gus Peters, the popuist of Scio, - He missed election :or congress, but he did not sit down and suck his thumbs - not he. He was willing to accept anything Erom congressman to corduary pantaloons, and this spring finds him the proudly triumphant choice of Scio, for member of board of review. It is the steady puiling on the hair that puts the insect in the fire. Alderman-elect Vroman requests The Sentinel to correct the statement of last week that the banquet to the colored voters was given by the republican city committee - Ypsilanti Sentinel. It is the same oíd game. Before election the colored voter looms above the republican horizon like the Ethiopian's head in Haggard's novel, but after election the party drives him down to the estáte of a "nigger" and denies that it ever knew him. "O, liberty! - what crimes" etc. The editors of Ypsilanti are - O, so proud! They don't like to admit that they go barefooted in warm weather, and strive in their papers, in every sort of way to keep up the appearance of affluence. Recently the Press suggested that the surplus clothing collected for the northerners be donated to the town editors and with much haste the Commercial speaks up and says: The Press isn't much acquaintec1 with Ypsilanti editors. They gave a good part of the clothing, themselves, and have each of them a whole suit left. "The profession" is well fixed here. Justice Grant, of the Michigan Supreme court, laughed outright on :he bench the other day. He apolojized and then feit compelled to disclose the cause of his mirth, and read some testimony from a brief, whereat everybody laughed. It was about a railroad crossing accident, to a man who had in his wagon a veal calf. The extract was as follows: "After I jumped I looked around and saw Mr. Jenson in the air and the wagon flying to pieces. When I got to him he was sitting against the south bank on the west side holding the lines. Then I went over to him and asked if he was hurt. He did not answer me at first and I straightened him up and by that time Mr. Leech came up and we took him over and sat him on the front axle of the wagon. I asked him if he was much hurt. He did not answer hat butsaid,'Damn that veal calf!' " l ,,.U U..J, - It would be far better if we would itrew more flowers along the pathvay of the living and not quite M nany around the bier of the de t,j - Chelsea Cor. Argus. We hope sometime to hav e the pleasure of shaking the hand _ of the man - or woman who wr'Jte that, and of slapping him - 0 her - on the shoulderand exclainüng, "Right, you are old boy - or girl!" We have known some people, who half their lives, were pused by venomtongued slander; whose dearest joys were assasssinated by the barbs and stings of malice; who, when thirsting for charity and the milk of human kindness, were given the chalice of wormwood. We have seen them dead, and above their palé faces, on the casket of death, were flowers, placed there by enemies! We had rather have the blossoms of friendship alongourpath in life, and bull-thistles on our coffin, than thorns on our way to the grave placed there by enemies, who cameto our funeral mocking friendship with flowers.


Ann Arbor Argus
Old News