Washtenawisms

Gustave Killian, of Ypsilanti, died Thursday, last, agert 73 years. Mrs. Jeanette Crittenden. aa old resideDt of Rawsonville, died Monday last week. Mrs Nancy Allen, of Saline, died Tuesday night, last week, at the age of 84 years. Alfred Miller, of Saline, was still alive at last account, but with uot much prospect of recovery. Herman Lindenschmidt, of Saliae, last week ruade a cold cut in one of his feet by jumping upon a set of icetongs. A tworm as green as a freshman and as large as a Fraukf uit sausage, is subsisting on the tomato plants of jSiorth Lake. The Manchester postoffice has had its face painled and powdered and looks as tresh aid pinky as an actress, ready for the stage. "W. H. Deubel's new flour filis a long-feit want," observes the Ypsilantian. Takes away that all-gone-iii-the stomach feeling, eh V A defective chimney in the house of Geo. iialdwin, of Cherry Hül, played him a trick the other day that cost him $600, with $200 insurance. ij. O. (Jasler, ot ïpsüanti, irrigates li is celery garden, from a pond across the street - and doesn't care if not another drop of rain falls in seven yeara. The Ypsilantian states that "C. D. Basset has just completed a swell Iront." Here seems to be another case for the "Law and Order League." Hon. S. G. Ives, who went to the Battle Creek Sanitarium some time ago for treatment, is seriously ill at lus home on Jefferson street. - Chelsea lierald. Lima township lias bought a new iron suspension bridge of the latest and nobbiest fashion and will hang it, over ihe creek near the residence of Jeronie Parker. The Chelsea band gives several free concerts a It tends to clear a hole in the atnaospheric dust. but as a rain maker it i.s a failure. The tuba should be a little more stuccato. A norse and phaeton, stolen from Detroit, werd found b.y the roadside at Dexter, last week. The property was reeovered but the thief is not yet iuhaling the stifled gases of the prison. "There is but little siekness about town and our physicians can go fishing if they like," says the Manchester terprise. Want to get them down to the pond and kill them with malaria, eh? This is the manner in which it is delicately put by a Norvell correspondent of a county exchange. ''Mrs. Geo. Roschon was kicked by a horse on Tuesday and the bone of lier limb was broken." Fishing parties to the surrounding lakes are setting quite truthful, they say that the tish refuse to bite. - Manchester Enterprise. That's probably a lie to keep other people off the best rishing grounds. il. D. Thompson, of Ypsilanti, is at Charlevoix, as botanist with the State Fish Oomniission. Just what a botanist has to do with fish eggs, is not clear, but the papers say that he has to do with them. Because Victor Dice, of Superior, took a "header"' from a bucking bicycle, the fiend who edits the Ypsilanti side of the Washtenaw DaiJy Catamaran wants the machine prosecuted for "throwing Dice." Mrs. C. A. Brown leaves next week for England, where she is called by the recent death of her mother. The settling up of the estáte niakes her presence there imperative. - Times Ypsilauti Local. A Chelsea hen, last week laid herselt out on an enterprise, the result of which was the production of an egg eight and three-fourths by seveu inches, without showing the least signs of explosión. With some apprehension and frequent glances toward the street the editor of the Dexter Leader writes as follows: "Reported that the bloomer bicycle eostume will shortly make its appearance in the village. Before Keiler again attempts the Sphinx act in front of a pair of handy maulers, it will be necessary to patch up his wind quite a little bit. A man never knows what he can't do till he does it. Mr. Keiler is instructed. An incendiary locomotive last week fired several shocks of rye in the field of George Wiard, near ïpsilanti and but for the help of neighbors his whiskey seed would have been totally destroyed. He wore a "rye" face, for a while. T. McCutcheon, who opened a laundry at Saline and could starch a broadax collar so skillfully that it would cut off a dude's ears, the flrst time he s-l "v tj (iö, 1.11C mat LI LLIO Uc turned his head1, has quit the business and returned to the iurniture factory at Northville. Mrs. C. J. Kelly accidentally slipped and fell on the door step with a young babe in her arms. last Wednesday evening, and so severely injured her back that she is nearly helpless and it is feared that a bone near the hip is broken. - Y psilanti. Miss Selene I. Chamberlain, of Boise City, Idaho, will have charge of the Ypsilanti seventh grade. A special ordinance renders it a municipal offense, punishable in the discretion of the court, to run a pun on Miss Chamberlain's baptismal name. A tramp at Dexter who insisted on becoming receiver of a freight train, was enjoined by the marshal, and is in jail by thé grace of Justice Gregory. The Leader says '-he struck the town in a quarrelsome mood." The blow, it seems, proved harmless. Late improvements in the Hawkins house, Ypsilanti, have turned the office into a bewildering theater of decorative art, and the dude who leans back in his chair and mops hair oil on the wall will be hit in the eye with a quid of "Rag-baby" chewing tobáceo. Oscar Briggs, of Saline, while sufferingfroma prolonged illness,recently arose from his bed, during the night and escaping unobserved from the home drowned himself in the river. He had fastened a white paper to a weed near the spot where he went in, evidently to mark the place for the conveniênce of those who would search for his body. He was a veteran of the 20th Mich Infantry. W. II. Sinith who forsook Saline and wandereu olï to California, has purchased a farm of 3L acres near Escondido and stirs up the envy of his neiprhbors with the uews that he is stuffing himself with apricots and peaches every day. City Clerk C. P. MoKinstry. of Ypsilanti, was some time ago oft'ered a tempting position in the city of Phillips, since destroyed by flre, with much loss of life and property. He is glad he did not go; but lie might have proved the mascot to save the town. Some colored people of Yp.silanti, who attended the Emancipation day celebration at VVindsor, and made a half hair mistake on the retarning of the train, and either paid another fare or walked in, are indignant and think the road ought to bp abolished . Seize your pen, ye dreaming ioet, and proclaim it abroad iu magie song, - tlie Atlautis won a jíauie last week. The Dixboros weie their meat 39 to 13. Now that the boys have got started. they will have a tent f uil of dried scalps before tñey see the back of their necks. J. tí. Kingsley informa Manchesterians that he will put ïu a larger water wheel this fall and he able to furnish electric lights to private citizens who want them iu their houses. The larger the wheel the more eels it will hold; and the more eels the more phosporescence. The portrait of Gen. Ypsilanti, of Greece, aftef whom the twin at the pther end f the motor line wasnamed, is still missing. The removal of the picture from the council chamber was a despicable piece of thievery. The person who did it is mean enough to whip his wife. The Ypsilanti Commercial which has lately devoted considerable attention to a new variety of squash bug, has rtiscovered by its odor that it is "a relativa of the chinch bug and the bed-bug.'' The Commercial seems to be well-informed in matters of entomological interest. "O, yes!- about the Ypsilanti opera house. Well, it was destroyed in the cyclone of last year." "Certainly,- knew that, but what abont" - "Yes, yes, was about to say that after much deliberation by those interested it has at last been tully decided to- to- save tbe splinters for tooth picks." Mrs. Thomas Gongh, of Manchester, recently committed suicide by taking rough-on-rats, and died in intense ag)ny. It is a strange fact that men disDosed to suicide usually adopt the rmst , suaaen ana painless means of deatli, while weaker woman chooses the prolonged agonies of slow poisons. Miss Adeline Rowley, a youug lady with an unusually fine contralto voice, has accepted the position of soloist and leader in the First Presbyterian church, of Cedar Rapids, Iowa. She WKS a student of the Normal Conservatory of Music two years ago, and a niemberof Mrs. Peasé s lady quartet. "Wonderland," in Detroit, closed for a week before the state convention at Grand Rapids, presumably to give the freaks an outing. They are ready to open again.now the arallant one hundrecl have returned.- Ypsilantjau. We had supposed there were nearly one thousand of them in the convention. A new style of baby bas been brought out at Chelsea. The Herald notes the birth of a male infant to Mr. and Mrs. Oonrad Hesalschweedt, and describes it as "a round, pluoip, rosy voungster." The old style was always of the "bouncing" variety. This chitiige in the fashion of chiklren will be a relief. The foxy coxies of "local lodge No. 1 knights of rest" challenged anyoue to play a game of ball with them. A nine of "busy bees" got together, accepted the challenge and swiped thein to the tune of 13 to 8 It was hard work for the sons so tbey threw down the bats after six innings had been played. - Enterprise. The program for the next meeting of the south Washtenaw farmers' club has been prepared as folio ws: Press clippings, Steven Merithew: select reading, Mrs. Elva Green; essay, Mrs. EvaSpafard; Are erop reports of any benefit to farmers?; paper by President English. The date and place of meeting have not yet been fixed. An iron mawl, with a heart dead to merey, smashed a foot owned by Edward Savage, of Chelsea. Liniment is einployed to sooth the Savage breast. S. Hirth, of the same locality, has a disabled hand caused by an accidental rap over the knuckles with a piece of hot steel. Such incideuts drive dull care away and make life worth living. A runaway team at Ypsilanti, last week, brought th ei r old item straight to the Commercial office, where they straddled a tree and threw the occupants, John Yedley. wife and child, of Pittsfield, on the pavement. The parents were severely injured, hut the youngster showed up as smiling as a candidate. sound in every portion of its anatomy. Miss Zoe Begole, of Chelsea, last week had her foot caught by the shutting of a door, and a severely sprained ankle was the result. Now we expect some savage from over the border to remárk concerning the size of Chelsea I feet; but the young ladies of Chelsea all wear very small shoes, and there is not a line of truth in the report that they have to get out of bed to turn over. Would that the Argus could disabuse itself of the idea that tbe following, in the Dexter Leader, referring to Portage and Base lakes, was not written under the star-spangled influence ot good, red liquor: "Show us the heretic who dares to insinúate that the water is not deep enough, the lakes are not large enough, the imagination not strong enough to support a real live sea serpent with red hair, eyes like coals of fire, a forked tongue and a bifurcated tail!" The Coxeyites who obtained the printing of one thousand songbooks at the Argus office, (paying for them in advance) disposed of a large nutnber of them in Dexter. As yet they have not been adopted by thechurch choirs. It would give a singer the summer colic to match the musical with the "poetic" feet, and in some instances the words must needs be repeated, as for instance: We'Il catch the flea- We'll catch the flea- We'U catcli the fleeting hour. It was apparent from certain movements of the gang when here that they had not yet made the catch i L. Palmer, of the Dexter basket faci tory. has invented a machine for mak-,ingbridges to separate the layers of i ben y baskets in the crates used for I shippinj?. If íiovv he will turn hini ; iieain to iiuention and evolve a dej vice that will deal the dealer who gives .short measure a lug under the ear, , I every time he does it, Mr. Palmer will achieve a high seat among the philantliropists of his timeand a living statie after death. The Ypsilanti slander suit against a drayman, for saying that a certain woman's hat was iiot on straight or sompthing of that sort, feil to the floor of Chilri's temple of justice, with a dull thud.on account of the word'falselv" having dropped out of the couiplaint and the defetidant was flred, i e.. dLscharged. Note.- The term "dull thnd" is original with the Argus. The copyright is secured and infriugements will be prosecuted. The Manchester band is trying to secure the upper room in the council building to practice in. It would be a little tough on the council; but just think also what the boys would have to endure on council nights, when the heavy orator of that body brings his rist down on the table witíi a blow that makes the lights jump, and shouts "I will never vote for the proposed impiovement, never!" Then the band will wish itself in the third story. The only black eye that Mr. Powers received at the state convention was from the Tribune artist who sketched the portraits of the nominees. The most of the papers seem to have got Gov. Rich down pretty flne, but their average portrait still leayes sotnething to be desired- Ypsilanti CommerciaC Yes, so it does. In some cases he is represented as strabismus-eyed. with a wart on his nose and a hunted look as though he were not yet f ully reeovered from his Pingree fight. Articles of association of the sea Electric Light company have been tiled with the secretary of state. Capital stock, $2-5,000. Most of the stockholders are employees of the Glazier stove works. Officers are: President. Chas. M. Davis: vice-president, Archie W. Wilkinson: treasurer. Frank P Glazier; secretary, Fred Wedenieyer general manager, A. R. Welch. The purpose of the ineorporation is to give the stove works an opportunity to become stockholders aud protit sharers in the enterprise. An extention to the present plant will be made. Hon. H. W. Newkirk, of Dexter, at the request of Branch county. took the job of seconding the nomination of Alfred Milnes for lieutenant governor and did the thing so well that the convention, when the vote was taken, was niad at itself because it couldn't yell "Aye!" quick enough. This shows that the Argus is read. The Argus noted Mr. Newkirk's abilities as an orator at the Washtenaw county convention, and itcreated a feverish anxiety all over the state to hear him. Mr. Newkirk's present greatness is due to the Argus. Serui-weekly. One dollar a year, ín advance. A rattlesnake coiled himself in Miss Alma Pierce's flower garden at Chelspa Miidthus he soliloquized: "When Mis-i Pierce comes out here to gather sou. f posies for her hair, I'll rattleand h'iÜHV gee! Won't she streak it for the door and faint away across the threshold'? Well, I should snicker." And with these pleasmg rpflections he lay in wait. and when Miss Pierce carne alón?, he Iifted his tail aud rattled off one of his liveliest selections. That was the biggest mistake of his life, fortlie lady seized a club, and in less than a York (Washtenaw countjï minute he was a dead rattler. He had eight links in his tune. Frank Keiler saya he had Fitzsimmons in hard shape in the first round, and it appears- by his statement- that he would certainly have twisted Fitz. round his own ñock, ramnaed him down his own throat, and left nothing of him except the corners of his clout sticking out of his eyes, had not the round been cut short a f uil minute to save Fitz. He says he saw how things were going, and in the 'second round, wheu he got the clip under the optie he sorter feil down and let them carry him out and talk over him awhile and then got up aud walked awayaswell as ever. Frank will not fight a job scrap. Ile is not that kind of a hired girl. A box of gooseberries has been received in Ypsilanti, from the experimental gooseherrv factory of New York, with which Prof. Benj. Murray, a gradúate of the Ypsilanti High School and the U. of M , is connected. They are warranted to be the product of scientiflc chemical experiment. These gooseberries, Mr. Murray made himself, and those who have sampled them agree that they are in every respect equal if not superior to anv prortuced by a natural goose. The experiment of crossin? thecashmeregoat with the hydraulic ram. sonie years ago, proved a failure, hut the gooseben y business iinder Prof. Murray's direction, is all that was expected of it. With such distinguished educator.s as Dr. Boone and Prof. George of the Normal, and Prof. Whitney of the high school, managing the intellects of Ypsilanti. and exerting a naarked influence on the literary motion of the earth; and with so renowned an exeducator as the Honorable J. M. B. Sill, minister to the slant-eyed kingdom of Corea, we had feit that by givT ing Ypsilanti a little the longest end of the teeter. she would pretty nearly balance up witli Ann Arborin shaping the destinies of the world. Then, like a thunderbolt, carne the crushiner intelligence that Frank Keller's potato trap had been smashed and himself knocked out in one round! Thus is the fair escutcheon of our twin sister stained. her glory dimmed, and her bonnet knocked askew, in the eyes of the world. psilanti has received a staggering blow.