Roundabouts

Rev. John A. Cairns, a retired Wesleyan minister, of Samaría, Monroe county, was recently struck and killed by an Ann Arbor train. Henry Cobb, of Pinckney, feil from his wagon last week and smashed his clavicle. We have used "clavicle" for plain shoulder blade, to ease Henry's pain. A tramp who breakfasted at the house of B. Friedenburg, of Monroe, rewarded his benefactor by toviching off a pile of wood in the shed, with a match. The housa was saved with much exertion. A Clinton man always believed in the horse shoe as a sign of good uck till a week ago, when having got out of his buggy to piek one up, Jiis horse ran away and compelled him to walk two miles into town. The Greenville Democrat denies that Frank Tucker, the theatrical man, lost the leg that the reports said he had. The doctors said it must come off. Tucker said he'd die first, so the doctors concluded to Iet him get well with both legs on. He is doing splendidly and will soon srallop around as usual. "If ever the north pole is reached," begins the Dundee Reporter. There, sit down, man! Chasing the aurora boreallis will never secure a supply of subscription wood for the office stove. We admit that from the study of the crowns of the gods to that of green basswood isa vulgar drop, but there's more ready pay in it. There are very few people wlio do not remember the wholesale murder of the Crouch farnily near fackson and the trial of Jud Crouch, a son of one of the victims, charged with the crime. Jud was not convicted, and by the death of his parents, feil heir to the homestead worth $50,000. A curse seemed to fall upon the estáte, however, and a mortgage foreclosure is about to take place. Near Lansing dwells an old chap named Baumgart, who recently lost a lot of hogs. Each animal, as the closing act before death, took a doublé curl in his tail, vomited and gave up the ghost. It transpires that Baumgart feeds his hogs on the carcasses of horses, hauled there from Lansing; and above thetn hover the hogs and the hawks in the daytime and a phosphorescent gleam at night whicli seems to take ghostly shapes in the dance of death. Phewi Ditchersin Hanover havesnatched i ,000 acres of rauck tanda from ihe rrogs and lobsters. They have also turned the west branch of the Kala mazoo river into it and given it a hurry of two miles per hour. The state law won't let you ship deer out of the state. But you can drive down close to the ühio border and a fellow will drive up where you can pitch them over the s'tate line out of your wagon into his'n. During a football game at Kalaraazoo, Prof. Martin of Hillsdale, became first enthusiastic then involved and the Daily News says "carne out from beneath a pile of about fifteen players with a decidedly dejected appearance." Bank-forger Harvey, recently arrested at Lansing niasqueraded as the "Rev. C. O. Gibson." Thus had the sanctimonious looking hypocrite stolen the livery of heaven to deceive the unwary. But he was "Hawkshawed" just the same. Mark Jones died Sunday night in the Adrián pest house. The Adrian Telegram speaks up cheerily and says: "The end of the smallpox scare has come. The burial of Mark Jones, quietly conducted Monday night will stop the whole thing.'1 Scatnps with no grace in their hearts, selected a recent Monday evening tor the delectable enterprise of frescoing the residence and store of W. J. Green, of Lambertville with eggs of blooming fragrance - a piece of purely gratuitous cussedness. Profs. Delos Fall and Clyde Ford, of Albion College, are soon to engage in a scientific exploration of the country north of Lake Superior. The party will look particularly for scratches in the roads made by the great glacial landslide. P. S. The one before the last election. William Harlem, a Palmyra paper mili employee, lished a $5 gold piece out of a sand-box, Friday of last week. It is thought to have rattled out of some of the paper rags - probably the vest of a beggar who had not quite emptied his pocket of kind hearted contributions "for charity sake." The Dundee high school lecture course opened Wednesday evening witli a lecture from Secretary of State Gardner, on "Does it Pay to Edúcate?" Anyone who will take the pains to read the retina of the j preacher-secretary's eye, will see there the words, "I'm the next governor." The Methodists of Azalia recently i took out a grudge against thcir pastor by calling in a surprise body at ! bis home, and inflicting a quantity l of provisions and cash upon him. He hopes with what he received to get out even on the wear and tear. The statement has gone forth that the Bedford farmers' fair board of directors will make an attempt through the courts to establish the validity of the recent vote of the association which Ievied an assessment of $5 per capita upon its members. - Cor. Dundee Reporter. Miss Cady Smith, of White Oak, lighted the rire with oil for kindling iwood, and came near meeting that other girl on heaven's green who lit the fire with kerosene. Her arms and face are badly burned. While Marshal Eldred, of Monroe, was searching a Hoek of tramps in the "cooler," last week, one of them, when the officer was not looking, seized the officef's gloves, winked at his comrades, and vanïshed like the prismatic tints of the rainbovv. Dr. Arthur Elmer, of Jackson, has been fined $25 for playing the dodge in the practice of medicine. True, his pills took abont the same effect as those of other doctors, but he had no license to feed them out. The law is touchy on that point. No well bred corpse could feel otherwise than disgraced to know that he was taken off by a doctor having no license to kill him. ' Any one who knows of a single instance where a person was ever saved from drowning "till just as he was going down for the third time," wil1, confer a favor by addressing the Argus. We were driven into this slough of meditation by reading of the rescue of Claude Fields, a venturesome little rascal of Millington, who broke through the ice, and was a "third timer" when yanked out by Roy Wagner. With a countenance aglow with the ardor of recollection, Rev. Bert, of Cadmus, Sunday morning, before his sermón, told his brethren how plenty and tame the wild turkeys used to be around there, adding pathetically that "not a blessed wild turkey is left, and even the tame ones are scarce." Then he preached from the text, "The Lord loveth the cheerful giver." Wednesday night he heard a knock at the door, and opening it, there lay the decolette for ni of of a stuffed turkey, ready 1 for the oven. "I knew it would come," remarked the good man to his wife. The A.alia creamery is stil! receiving 20,000 pounds of milk daily. Very excelleut Jersey butter, however, is dow made of cotton seed oil. It costs $3 and expenses to kill a rauskrat out of season at Monroe. Fellow named Duval tried it last week. The court raised the Duvall and the Duvall the $3. An exchange remarks that China leads the world, which stimulates the Hillsdale Democrat to discover that this is actually so - "when any part of the world is chasing her."