Monroe Democrat Items

"All in your eye" as the Ypsilantian remarked, wbo pitobed a cannon firejracker whico tore open tbe eyelid of a lian about to sell a watermelou and svho bas not "seed" very well, since. Tbe two-abreast wheel bas arrived at Fpsilauti. It doesn't matter ruuch aow nnequal the weigbt of the parties uay be,- whetber he can wrap his jrms twice ai'ound her, or half way uound once - the eqailibrimn of the jike is not disturbed. Tuberculosis in the cattle of the agriitltnral coilege. This probably comes Df the agricultural board roaming all sver God's creation ontside of Michigan, after a college president. Soiue ine of tbe lot undonbtedly got tubermlosises ou biru, during the pursuit nd afterward rubbed up against the jattle. The populists in Second district conjressional convention aseinbled didn't stop to pass any resolutions but jtist :alked right and left. "by guess" and 'by gosh," nominated and adjourned, lud üus Peters, of Scio, got home in ;imo to do his milkin' by daylight. Ihe beauty of populism is its broad and ïutrammeled tread. Elmer Stofflet, of Ann Arbor, was ïisitiug in Cbicago on the 4th and in the night the house burued. He was jut off from the stairs by the flames but he did not lose his presence of nind. He shoved up a window, packed ais satchel, parted his hair carefully, put the brush back in the case, said ?race and jurnped. He is at home ívithout a spavin or windgall. Jack Mansfield, of Ann Arbor, stole Kate Staebler, Martin Vogel's domes;ic, and a gold watcb and $150 cash from inother party and fled with the goods. lo the owner of the watch and cash he left a pathetic note stating that he would pay all, and appealing iu suoh melting terms for leniency, tbat the loser feit "touched. " 'It was evident by the tone of the writer that he, too, was "moved." Au Ogden ben believes in evolution. [astead of expending her reproductiva efïorts on the ground or in a coop or barn, she deposited fourteen eggs in the forks of a willow tree, twelve feet high, where snakes and weasels do not assail. She hatched thirteen chicks and made thirteen trips to the ground, with a ohicken grasped by the neok, in her bill, at each trip and then went clucking to the house to show her brood to the family. The new hen is clucking close bebind the new woman. To teil the gear of a bieyele, multiply the nnmber of teeth iu the large sprocket wbeel by the number of inches of the diameter of the rear or driving wheel, tben divide by the iiumber of teeth in the rear sprocket wheel. - Ann Arbor Atgus. To tfll whether you are broken to the bicycle, suotract the number of teetb you huva left, from the number you had when yon started in to ride tho wheel. If you nan still chew beef steak, you are yet in the green stage. Dr. Vaughan, of the University, was lately offered a bribe of a $10,000 salary and opportanities for aa additional 130,000 income per year, if he woald desert Ann Arbor and go to New York. Did he accept? He did not. Michigan was where he made the discovery of tyrointoxication in cheese and he refused to desert it, like a base cow-herd. Michigan loves the doctor, if not his tyro - spell it yourself - and is glad he is not going. Most any of us, however, would have feit as did the member of the Ohio legislature wheu approached with a $10,000 bribe. "Go a way!" exlaimed the virtuous Solon, "you're getting too uear niy price. " In the Washtenaw court William Popkius sues for divorce from Nora S. Popkins. Popkins alleges cruelty by Mrs. Popkins, Mrs. Popkins answers Popkins to the effect that Popkius' chaige of crnelty by Mrs Popkins is poppycook, and further states that vviien Popkins popped the qaestion to Mrs. Popkins, Popkins was so penniless that to present him properly at the altar for vows sho, the said Mrs. Popkins, purchased his, the Popkins' wedding "trosseau;' also that the pareut Popkinses have put up Popkins junior, against Mrs. Popkins, Popkins jr. 's wifp, otherwise the Popkius famiiy would not now be popping at each other in divorce oourt. Sne doesn't waut Popkins to get a bilí. I think if there is any oue in the world who would love to go down on the beach, or bask by the waters of some glorious lake, it would be tired out mothers and wives. - Willis cor. Argus. Why, that's just what they do. They get up at 4 o'clock a. m. and ski-m the milk, churn, strain the new rnilk, get breakfast, do up the work, pack up the cake, chioken and pie, they sat up till midnight to prepare, get the young uns ready and go down "where the babbling waters bab, "chase the childreu away from fatal places, look at the lake once or twice, and ride home at night in a wagon that jolts, get the tired, cross children into their couches, strain the night's milk and go to bed almos as badly broken up as their husbands were, on the 5th of July.