She Married Him

"The most amusing nuptial event I ever officiated at, " said good old Squire Hiram Cate to a representative of the Louisville Post, "the marrying magistrate of the Pennyrile, " now dead, "was in the winter of 1871. I was awakened one cold night about midnight by vigorous knocking on my front door. I went to the window and by the light of the moon could see two forms on my front poreb. I raised the window and asked what was wanted. A woman of the backwoods type answered in about this language: "Why, hit's us. Jim an me wants to git hitched.' I hurried down and on opening the door found a poorly clad, finnicky looking man of about 40, led by a deterimned looking woman of perhaps 30. I cold see that the female was the business part of the procession and addressed myself to her, asking why they had chosen such a late hour for their 'hitching affair. ' This was the reply, in quick, snappy sentences: 'Why, hit's this way. Jim Owens is bin a-sparkin uv of me, I 'low, for fo' yeres, an I got fetched tired uv his mincin wurds, so tuk an ast him tonite, I him, I did, I 'pected him 'votedly, an ef he wanted me to cum on an le's git j'ined tonite, er I wuz gwine to take Fletch Boggess' boy, Hez, an settle down. Jim 'lowed - he did - he reckined he'd cum, though it wuz long trip. So I took an fetched him in pap's rnill waggin. Didn't I, Jim?' Jim nodded a doleful assent. In answering the questions I put to the groom in the ceremony the brawny better ninetenths gave the bashful spouse about the cue, and she paid me a half dollar, taking the money from Jim's pocketbook. It beat any wedding I ever witnessed, I think. "