Mr. And Mrs. Spoopendyke

irahfs magazine. "Now, my dear," said Mr. Spoopendyke, rubbing his hands gleefully and conieniplating his wife from the opposite seat of the railway car with apleasant smile. "Now, my dear, suppose we take a look at the lunch of nrhiofi we have had such reniarkable acounts. If there is anything nice when a man is traveling, it is a home-made lunch. Develop the viands, and let joy be unconfined!" and Mr. Spoopendykelaughed outright in anticipation of the gustatory delights in store for him. "Allright," giggled Mrs. Spoopendyke, opening the basket with trernbling hands. "Now you hold that, and don t you open anything until I get it all out," and Mrs. Spoopendyko handed him a long roll of something done up in a coarse brown paper. ¦ "How much more of this is there to get out?" demanded Mr. Spoopendyke, snifling at the paper and detecting Bologna sausage, a thing he detested What is this, anyway, a club to keep the rest of the luneh in order? Is this thing the pólice forcé of this lunch? Fetck forth the law-abidïng elenients, if you've got any! Never mind the executive of this feast, produce the faboring faction, the tax-pavinff end of the business! "Here's some cheeso," murmured Mrs. Spoopendyke, "and a pie and some smoked beef and some herrin ond- " "HaTen't yc got some salt simewhere?" hissedMr. Spoopendyke.planring the Bologna on end in the center of tho pie. "How'm I to quench my thirst after eating all this truck, unless I have salt? Where's the mustard that goes with these mercies?" and Mr. Spoopendyke dove into the paekage of beef and scattered the contents over bis wife's lap. 'TH bet the Bologna can whip the cheese in four round's!" he yelled, hauling the offeoding sausage out of the pie and jabbing it through the cheese. "Hurray! Now, we'll spono-e him off with the herring for the next rouudi" and Mr. Spoopendyke seized a fish b.7 the tail and slammed it into the basket. "Don't!" pleadedMrs. Spoopendyke, looking helplessly on. "I like those thmjp, if you don't." "Can't ye let the lunch have a little?" squealed Mr. Spoopendyke, hammer:ng at the cheese with the sausage. "Of course you like these things! They'ru right in your line! All you want is a strike and a step-ladder to be a salt mine! Where's my lunch? Bring on the delicaoies calculated to supply the waste tissue of Spoopendyke!" and the worthy gentleman drove the sausase clea'r throuo-h the pie and impaled the herring on the ther end. "Hers's a Charlotte, and a- " com nieneed Mrs. Spoopendyke. "Hand me the blushing Charlotte!" hovvled Mr. Spoopendvke, vvho had fixed hts mind on cold chicken. and saw no realization of hisanticipations. "Show me the Charlotte just budding into womanhood. and she shall have the Die! Guiedme- hey! What's that?" 'This is a, can of beans!" exclaimed Mrs. Spoopendyke. brightening a little. You know you always liked beans." "Lel's haveem!" growled Mr. Spoopendyke, reaching for them. "What have you got to open 'ezn with?" 'I'm afraid 1 left the can opener at home," whispered Mrs. Spoopendyke nimniaging through the basket. "How d'ye propose to open 'cm then ?" roaretl Mr. Spoopendyke, his teeth and breathing hard. "Sow me the spring that busts this cover off! Guide me to the combination of this stem-wiDding can oí beans! Maybe mis nao ir," and Spoopendyk again grabbed the sausagc and went fo the can. "How'm I getting on!" he yelled, as tlie bolona flew lu all direct íons. "Think yon begin to sniell those beans any more plainly than you did Wa-h-h! he shrieked, as a hue cliunk of the pork broke off short and landed n his ear. "Thls hog don't know who hes fooling with! Let me introduce you to Spoopendyke!" and he ground the sausage flat against the can and drooped the debris on the floor. "I don' t know vvhat we'rc ffoing to do !' murmuredMrs. Spoopendyke in grcat distress. "Now watch the triumph of mind over beans?" howled Mr. Spoopendyke opening the window and placing the can on the sil]. "The rewarüof genius!" he roared, as he brought the window down on the can. Mri. bpoopendyke dodged just in time, and her uufortunate spouse caught the bean part of the feast fairly in front and was covered from his eyebrows to his nkles] "That what ye vvanted?" he gasped as the f uil extent of the calamity dawned on him. '-That what ye been trvinoto get me lo do? Dod gast the me'asly beans! ' and Mr. Spoopendyke made for the smoking-car, and was seen no more till dark. "I don 't care, " solilquized Mrs. Spoopendyke, assuring herself that the Charlotte had not been injured. "He mio-ht have waited a moment, and he would have had some cold chicken. But, of course, if he has made a lunch on beans, he won't care for auything else." And with this consolatory reliection Mrs. Spoopcndyke ate the chicken and Charlotte in alternative bites, and composed herself for a comfortable nap. "If the various oountries maintain their present rate of inerease,"says Mr. Gosselin, Secretary of Embassy at Berlin, "fifty ye'u-s henee the United States will have a population of 190,000,000, Russia approxiuiately 153,000.000 Gerniany 83,000,000, the United Kingdom 53,000,000, Austria-Hungary and Italy ', both 44,000,000, Franco only 40,000.000.