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Thousandi are being cured of Catan every year wlth Halls' Oatarrh Cure, that the doctors had given DO and said could not be cured. 75 cents a bottle. Sold dj Eberbach & Son. " Charlieseems to enjoy lift behind that pair of trotters," quotli Smithers to Rattler, as a mutual friend sped by at a 40 gait "Why should not he?" answered Rattler, "l'ife is bilt a i-pau."- Boston Courier. Woi-COTT. N. Y., April 5, 1882. Rtieumatie Syrup Co.: Gents- Having been afflicted wlth the Rheumatism overeight montlis in my left hip. at times so I could not get a nlght rest, or even He on thatside on account of such pains running through my hip and down my limb, the Rueuuiatic Syrup was recommêded. Af ter taking one bottle the pain left me, and 1 could lie on that side as well as ever. I have feit no syinptoms of Rheumatisui since. I think as a Rheuaiatic cure it lias no eqiial. A. B. Thacker, Merchant. Butlkb Ckntkr, N. Y. Rheumaiic Syrup Co. : Gentlemen- I think it my duty to recommend your wonderful medicine- Rheumatic Svrup. I liave been troubled with kidney difticulty for many years; have been treated by different physicians, but could get only temporary relief until I commenced tuklng your Syrup. Had taken it but a short time besare t began to help me, and to-day I ani perfeetly well. Airs. L. A. HiBBAii. If j'ou want to euloglza your friend don't say "He never told alie." Say, rather, " He never exaggerated liis lisli stories." - üil City Derrick. iy With Diamond üyes auy lady can get as good results as Ihc licst practical dyer. Every dye warranted to name and sample. A boy was maklng u great rucket on his drum in front of a house in Somerville. " Little boy," said a. lady, ' you must not drum here; there is a lady sick in this liotise." "Well," said the boy "I wish I waa a doctor. There's somebody sick in every house in town.r - Boston Post. Flies and Bugs. Flies, roaches, ants, bed-bugs, rats.mict gophers, chipmunks, cleured out b " Hough on Rats." 15c. The clouds never indulge in anythin strenger than water, and yet we frequent ly hear of their being dissipateU.- Bosto Transcript. A Startling Discover?. Physiciansare often startled by remark able discoveries. The fact that Dr. King' New Discovery for Consumption and a Throat and Lung diseases is daily curin patients that they have given up to die, i startling thetn to realize their sense o duty, and examine luto the merits of thi wonderful discovery; resulting in hundreds of our best Physicians using it in their practice. Trial Bottles free at H. J. Brown & Co. 's Drug store. Regular size $1.00. A five-year-old boy, who went to school for the first time, carne home at noon and said to his mother : " Mamma, I don't think that teacher knows uiuch." " Why not, mydear?" "Why she kept asking qustions all the time. She asked whcre the Mississippi river was." Decllue of Man. Nurvous Weakness, Dyspepsia, Inipotence, Sexual Debility, cured by " Wells' Health Renewer." $1. Oscar Wilde recently said in a speech : " I found my highest deal of art in Colorado," and ex-Senator Tabor rises up, inakes a profound bow, remarkiug : " I knew Osc wouldn't forget my $250 nightshirt." - Boomerang. Everybody Knows it. Wlien you have the Itch, Salt Rheum, Galls, or Skin Eruptions of a'iy kind, and the Pile?, that you know witliout being told of it. Eberbach & Son, the Druggists will sell you Dr. Bosanko's Pile Remedy for 50 cents, which affords iinmediate relief, and is a sure cure for eitlier of the above diseases. A "pocket guide " for instriiction in the art of swimming has been published in New York. Wlien you fall overboard, and don't know how to swim, all you have to do is to tread water and read your guide. - Cincinnati Saturday Niglit. "Motlier Swan's Worm Syrup." Infallible, tasteless, harmless, cathjrtic, for feyerishness, restlessness, worms, constipation. 25c. A Philadelphia servant {il has got a month ofl'and gone to Washington to see about a pension. She once worked for three consecutive weeks in a fiunllj that lost a si-cond cousiu in the war.- Philadelphia News. These are Solid Facts. The best blood purifierand systein regulator ever placed within the reach of suffering humanity, truly is Electric Bitters. Inactivity of the Liver, Biliousness, Jaundice, Constipation, weak Kidneys, anydisease of the urinary organs, or who ever requires au appetizer, tonic, or mild stimulant, will always iind Electric Bitters tlie best aud only certain cure knosvn. They act surely and quickly, every bottle guarauteed to jfive entire satisfaction or money refunded. Sold at flfty cents a bottle by H. J. Brown & Co. " My dear," said Rattler at the tea table, lookiug up frorn his evening paper, " this French-China trouble looks serious." "Yes," answered Mrs. Rattler, " Bridget broke the handle off the sugar-bowl to-day but I didn't thlnk you would notice it so soon." - Boston Courier. Catarrh of the Bladder. Stingintf irritation, lnflamation, all Kidney and Urinary Coinplaints, cured bv "Buchu-imiba." $1. A man who ran a penny show near Forepaugh's circus did athriving business untll he was made sorry by beinr arrested for stealing. The penny tent thief. you know.- Lowell Courier. Convlnciug-. The proof of the pudding s not in chewïng the string, but in haviu-r :in opportunity to test the article direct. Eberbach & Son the Druggists his a fiee trial bottle of Dr. Bosanko's Cough ind Lung Syrup for each 'and every one who is iirHii-ted with Coughs, Colds. Asthma, Consuinntion or any Lung Aftectioii. A noted physician advises tliat the strawberry never be eaten except " half an hourbeforebreakfast." The strawberry is nice,but not quite nice enough to take to bed with us. "Buchupaiba." Quick, complete cures all annoyiDe Kidney, Bladder aud Urinary Dlseases! fl. Druggist. A cucuruber five feet long s exhibited at New Oileans. It tont size that counts in a cucuinber, however. A little, stubby fellow, three by two inclies, has proven enough to expand an ordinal y sized stomach to au acher. A lady writeH : "I have used Ayer's Sarsaparilla in nay family for many years, and could not keep house without it. For the relief of the pains consequent upon female weaknesses and irregularities, I consider it without an equal." The best time toeat a green apple is after it bas become ripe. We give this Information on good authority.- Lowell Citizen. - "l'm happy to say Dr. Benson'i Skin Cure has eured my Eczema of the scaln of four years standing." Jno. A. Andrews Att'y at Law, Ashton, 111. $1. at útaZ gists. Kndorsed by physicians. In nine cases out of ten an official will go abroad for his liealth sooner than go to jail.- New Orleans Picayune. That Husband of Mine Is three times the man he was before he began using" Wells' Health Renewer." $1. Druggists.