A Tail Of The Hog

Peck'3 Sun. Bismarck, the Germán Premier, is probably the best posted man in the universo on the hog. At any rute hfi claims to be. What is tho hog? lt consists of two hams, two shoulilers with pleiuy of pork in between, with a head at one end and a tail at the other. And snob a lail as it is! The hog can't brush flies off with it, it never is wiggled as a sigiual of recognition or distress, and the only tbing that can bc said of it is that it denotns the end of tho hog. Il's a sort of ornamental Spen cenan flourish put on as a sort of an apologry for making such pooi" use of the pork. There is, however, some uso for this curliquc. In Kansas they tie a knot in it to keep tho hog froüi getting through fences. Again it has been surmised that tho hog's tail is to the hog what bangs and frizes are to a woman. It has to be done up on a paper every night to give it that gracel'ul and bewitching curl. It is seldom it has more than one curl, butyou someümes sec two curls in it, that is if the hoz is well up in the style. In fact it is only a beauty spet on the hog. The expression of a hog's faco cannot be said to indicato any extraorninary degrec of inteligence, but to a casual observer it is evident the hog kno.ws considerable. Anyway.his nose is his leading feature, and the rest of the pork follows it around the country. The American hosr bas the characteristic of workmg itself into tho good graces of the people of every nationality, and fearing it might probably supercede royalty, Bismarck says it shall not land in Germany. The American hog, true to his country, gets there just the same. He lands in F ranee and goes the rest of the way overland, ifter taking on Frenoh airs by adopting a coat of arms with a Freneh motto. We have two-lt-gged hogs in America. The, peouliarity of the two-legged hog is lus lendencv to corner everything, He will make a corner on tacks justas quick as on provisions, if ho gets the chance. He also has a happy faoulty of watering other stock- telegraph stock for instance. It concerns hun little as to the result of his transactions on others, so long as he can scoop the sheckles out of his corner. lts "git there Eli" with him and Eli "gits." There are also two-legged little pigs - young hogs. They geuerally want everything they see and refuse to divide with their companions. These little pigs grow to hogs unless the old man with the sickle cuts 'em down in their .pig years. The disposition these little pigs are permitted to cultívate is to organizo monopolies when they grow to the years of hoghood, and its the tearing down of this disposition that causes strikes. When these two-legged hogs corner all theswill they politely inform the others to "boot hog or die." The others sometimes root in a direction that makes the foundation of the "corner" rather shaky and then a squeal goes up that wakes the sleeping eohoes down in the deep dark valley. Tbere will be a conibination one of these days that will down thisêWilJ monopoly business. Of the two kind of hogs the four-legged hog is pieferable. lu him we have meat to eat, grease for the pancake griddle aud grease to make our saw run easy. He furnishes exercise for our dog when he ge.ts into the garden. Who eversiw a hog that wouldn't get into a garden if he got half a ohanccP Why, he has no idea of capaeity. He will try ? o go through a nail hole in a board fence to get in among your cabbages and yet that same hog has an idea the big gate isn't large enough for him to go through and you can only convinee him of his miscaiculation af'er you and the dog have chased him all over the garden thrce or fonr times, woru out three or four barrel etaves, and knocked over three hen coops that he can get through the gate. This afforcts yoü exercise, but it agitates your temper and provea to you that seientists are right in their conclusions that the hog's head is on the wrong end of the beast. Of all the beasts that roam the field who of you wou.d be a hog?