A Philosophic Negro

I intorviewed an oíd negro who was lying on his back on the banks of the gluggiah water known as Bayou St. John, the hot sun blazing iñto his face. "Why don't you get up and go to work?'' "My friend," said the aged Ethiopian, '-I im. proberbly, the on'y man ob sense dah ís in do State. Soms ob mpr phillon ïppnYJmntPs h"+ ''T h"T dah mudder's foolishness in 'cm and dey don't quite cum up to de stan'ard. My oldest boy, Sam. hc an ideo uv bein' a sport, and he actooally wuks to git line cloze. Wat dus lie want ob line cloze? Wat does he want ob any elozc at all in dis yeah climit, 'ceptin' jis onuftto kibber himP Why, he wants to swell amono; de gahls. Wat does ho want to swell among the gahls fur? So't one ob 'em will marry him. Wat does he want to marry one ob 'em fur? 'Coz he wants to be happy wid her. Yo' see eberyting wat Sam wants and expex is ahed ob him. It ain't de present dat Sam is after - de eujyments ob today ain't good enuiF fo' him, but he goes fo' sutíin' dat he cahn't put his hand on to. "When he hez got de good cloze de gahls will run afujr him. Will he be satistied wid dat? Not any, chile. He looks ahead to do felicity of marryin' one ob 'em. Whenhe hc married one ob 'em, is he any nearer happiuis? Not a step. Den ho will want to ent a swell wid her, and he wil! worry moah fo' dat. When he iz worried long enuft' and hez got a house, will dat satisfy im? Not any, honey. Ef he gits a house he won't be happy tillhe hez got a pianner forty in it, and when he hez de pianner forty he will want furnitoor, and when hez de furnitoor he will want a mulé and a cart lo ride in Sundavs. and when he hez dat, sutlin' else, alias a little ahead of him, will be wantod to finish dat oft', and so he will go on and on, like a donkey wid a bunch ob earroU jist afore his nose, whieh he alluz sees Imt nebber gets a toof into, and so he will go on worryin' and worryin' till he dies, and what s it all about? 'Happiuis is alluz jist ahed ob yo1 and it keeps dah. Dah nobber wuz a quatah hoss fas' enuft" to ketch up wid it - it's a bird dat yo' nobber kin git salt onto his teil. When yo' git wat yo' want den yo' mus' hab sufiin elso, and dat keeps up forebberand ebber. "I don't allow no such foolishnis to boddcr me. I don't want no cloze for 1 hez no use fo' em. I don't want no ¦house fo' I kin sleep outen doahs. I want a pipe alluz f uil of tobacCj . nml 1 want a soft place to sleep when I'ze sleepy, and suffin to cat when I'ze hungry. I hez a pow'ful appetit for whisky, wich I git when I kin, and vvich Í go widout when I cahn't. '¦Me! Wy, boss, I woodent go to a sukkus on a f ree tikkit, onloss yo'd kerry me dah, and gib me a cushioned peet. Sukkus! Wat does it 'mount to? Two houahs and it's ober. Ef life cood be a perpetool sukkus, with ham sangwiches brot in at de rite time, and dey lciï yo' smoke yo' pipe on de benches. it míte do, but uot ez dey run 'em. It goes too quick. "I won't wuk, coz I don't like to wuk. Wot's de good o1) money to me? 1 won't wuk ebcn fo' whisk}', for de whisky don't gib me ez much pleasure ez de wuk wood boddur me. I don't keer fo' wat moncy buvs, so wat's de yooso of money to iner No, sah! I despise money. "Ambishnf Ef a man hed de hult world he'd want de stars and do raoon frowd in, and after he'd got dem ho'd want sutün else. Ef nutlin on airth ain't gwan to satisfy yo' wat's do use? Ef yo s gwau to end wha yo' begin ye' mite ez well stop at de begianiu'. Ef j-o' git wat yo' go fur and dat don't do yo' no good wat s de yoose of gettin' anything ? "Honis'! Ob coahs I'zo honis'. It don't pay dis chile to be anything but honis'. 'Spose I'ze goin' to git up and go about Nteelin' tings; wat do I want ob wat I'd steel? I'ze got all I want widout steelin'. I don' say but wat ef a fat shoat shood cum rubbin' up agin me, or ef I wuz in de visinnity ob a henhouse and de millets didn't roost too high, I ruito takc one, but I woodont go outob my way to git 'cm. I'ze rich, coz I don' want nuftin. Ef I'zc got all I want I'ze rioher than Vandorbilt, coz he hain't got all he wants. He keepsa wantin', and I don't." "But Uncle, if everyboay was like you how would wc get along? There would be no railroads, no stearaboats, no " "Speckg dah woodent. But wat do I keer fo' dat? I dou't ride on railroads and don't want to owu any stcaraboats. Dalí wuz people afore dah wuz railroads, and I 'mcmberwheu dah wuz no steamboats on do ribber. Wo got on, we did, fo' dah wuz bettcr fishin' dan now. Ef everybody wuz like me dah wood bo no sich tings wantid. Dah woodent be no cotton to tote away, and no nuffin, dat I knows ob, to bring in. I don't yoose nuffin wat comes by de rail or in de boat. De fish don't ome byrail. I don't want no hardware dat I knows ob. I don't need no goodsfrotn de Norf. Wat's de yoose ob railroads to me? Wftt's de yoosc ob anyling? Ef de folks wood lib as I do dah wooden't bc railroads nor boats. "De fack is, I ain't a yooscful niember of 'sicty, nor I don't want to be. I get a fjiiali meal dis tnawnin', au' I speek I shel git one to-niorrer. Ef soiue one will come au' drop it into my mouf I shel be mach oWeeged to 'cm: cf not I Bpose 1 shel hov to 'dosido wlieilder I will skirmish aroundfor it or do widout it. I don't keer ntuch whlch. If I hev to wuk too hard for it 111 lt it go. Ef it comes handy like, I'll take t au' lib. Bat I woa't worry about it. It aiu't wuff while."' And the aged philosophor, disdaining future conversation, rolled over on his other sido and went into a profound slumler. - D. J!. Loche, in Toledo Made. - An infuriated buil at Larcrlo, Tex., recenlly made an attack upon the uulinished wall of a brick building which was eighteen feet high and thirty feet long. He succeeded in knocking tlie whole of it to the ground. - Governor Robinson, of MassachuSOtts, has issued a proclamation urging the people to kill alt worthless curs.