A Royal Compliment

The latcst report aboutthe Spanish crowrt is, tlial it Aill uow be oftered to Prince Alfouzo, the second son of tüe King of Portujjal, who is but (lve years of age. Tho Öpaniards have hnnted through all the nations of Europc for a KlDg. Tliey triod to get a Portuguese iu the persou of Doa Luis, wlio is au old ex-monarch ; they tried to K--t !U1 Italian, ín the person of V'ictor Emanuel's young sou, the Duke of Genoa ; tliey tried to get a Spïnlard, in the person of Espartero, who la au ootogenartan. - Some of them desiicd a Frencü JJourbon, Moutpensier; some ol then a Spanish. Bourbon, the Prince of Austurias ; some of them an Enftlish prince, one of the sons of Queen Victoria. Thcy have just tried to get tlie üerman Prince Leopold ; but they have thought it better to give hiai up tiuui take a war aiong wlth Iiim. It is a Ion;; time Binr.e wc. first siijijestcd to thera to try au American rnUr. We can offer them a large number of able and ixperieiicil sovereigns to piek frotn - men skilled iu Btatesmanshlp, VerSed In tlie science of government, and adeptS In all the arts of admlnlstratioti - men who conld wear tüe crowu wlth tllgnlty, and ruic the ktogdotf at ;i reason&ble expensa. Thore s not the langer of Napoleon Ibreatenlng thenl Ifthey take au American soVereign; in fact we have no doubt he ■wodld bo pleascd to support such a caudidature. We are unwilliug to mctitiun namea - tiioutrh we h'icii a man in our eye whom. we wcsh Uicy liad in luirs. - iVr. y. Í ribune. It would be but an os'.entation of modes'.y to permit sucli a pointcd refereDce to tnysclf to pass ununticed. This is tbc secnnd tiine Ihat "TLe Tribune" (nö doubt si ncereiy looking to the btstinterests of Spain and tbe world at large) has done me t!ie great and unusual honor to propose me as a fit person to Cll the Spunish tbrono. Wtiy ''Tbe Tribune'1 should single me out in this way frnin llie midat of a dezen Americans of biglicr political pronjineDCü, is a probcm which I cannot solve, Boyoud a soinewhat inlimate knowlcdge of Spanish biatory and a profonnd veueration for it3 great names and illus'rious deeds I feel tbat I possess no merit tbal ebould peculiarly recommend me to this royal distinction. I canuot deny tbat Spanish bistory bas always been mother's milk to me. 1 aiu proud of every Spanish achievement, froui Iíernnndo Corte'a victory at Tbennopyloe down to Vosco i Nunez de Balbca'a discovery of tbe Atlantic Oöüan ; a:id of every splendid Span-fb name from Don Quixote and tbe Duke of Wellington down to Don Csesar do Bazan. However, tbese little graces of eruilitiun ;ire of sinall .juuuce, ueiug more euowy man surviceable. In case tlic Spanis-h sceptre s pressed upon me - and the indications unques,ion;tbly are th&t it will be - I sball feel l ueuucwary to Lava certain thiugn set down and distinctly understcod beforejand. For iustanee : My salary must ae paid quarterly in r.dvance. In tbeso un-ettlcd times it will not do to trust.- [f Is;i bella had adopted Ibis plan, she wnulrf be roosling ou her ancestral t'uroud to-day, for tbe simple reasoí) that her suiijects never could have raised threó n.oit.1 8 of a royal sa'ary in advance, and of cnurse they cnuld hot have discliarged her until they had squarcd up with le My salary must be paid ia srold; whiu greenbacks are fresh in a country, they are too üuctuatiugf. My salary has got to bo put al the ruling market ra' e ; I am not going to cut under on the trade, and they are not going to trail me a locg vay fiom home and thtn practioe on my ignorauce and play me for a royal North Adams Chinatian( by any msaus. As I understand it, importcd bingí gfnerally get fie millions a year and house reut free. Young George of Greece gets that. As the rovenues only yield two millions, he hag to take the uational note for coneidcrable ; but even with things in tbat sort üí' simpe heèis better fixed than he iras in Denmark, where be had to eternally stond up because he had no throne to sit un, and had to give bail for bis board becauíe a royal apprentice gets no ealary there whilé he is learniog bis trade. Èngland is the place for that Fifty thousand dollars a. year Great Britain paya on eaoh royal child that is born, and th3 in increased from ycar to year is the child becomes more and more indispensable to bis country. Look at Prince Arthur. At first be only got tbo usual birth-bonnty ; but now that be has frot so that ho can dance, there is simplv no telling what wages hegets. 1 should have to etipulate that the Spauish people wash more and enUeavor to get aloug with less quarantine. Do you know, Spain keeps her ports fast locked again8t foreign traiEe threcfourths of each ycar, becuuse one d;iy sho is scared about the cholera, and the next about the plague, and next thé measlos, next the hooping-cough, the hives, and tho rash ? but sne does not mind leouine loprosy and olepbaBtiass any more tli in a great and cnlightsned civiü.ation iniuds l'rcokles. Soop would soon remove lier anxious distruss about foreigu distempere. The reason arab'é land is go eearce in Spain is becaufö people squandar 60 muoli of it on ihcir persoDS, aud then wheu they diu il ís improvideutly buried with them. I should feel obligtd to stipulate that Marsh-.l Serrano be reduced to the rank of constable, or even rouodsman. He is no logger fit to be City Marshal. A uian vbo ictuod to bo king btcause ho was too oíd and feeblc, is ill qualified to help eick people to tho 6tation-houPo . ' on they are armed and their form of iolirium tiemens is of tho exuberant and demoustrative kid. I should elso requiie thut a forcé bo sent to chase the late Queeu Isubella out of Franca. lier presenco there cnn work no advantnge to Spaio, aud she ought to be made to move at once ;-- though, poor thing, she hes been chaste mough hetetofore - for a SpauUh woii) a ii. I should also require that I am at this moment authoritatively infortned that "The Tribune" did not mean uio, after ell. Very well, I do uot care two cents. - Mark Ttcain. "Why do you not thank God," asktd an Eastern ruler of an Arab, "that since you have had me for a ruler, you have never been afflictcd with ibe plague ?" "God is too good to eend two ecourges ipon ue ut once,'1 was tho roply, but it cost him his head. The man wbo ' lost hie balancé" Iob j it, t-n Wail itreet.