Naming The Baby

Smudgo had ransacked various books for a name, and, as the sixth of the latost edition of Smudge was indicativa of toil in the ranks of men, as the infant looked atrong - almost warlike - a great name was the quest of its distracted parents. - Mrs. S. wanted it named after some old Bible character. Smudge suggested Sampson Goliah, which would typify strength ; Mrs. S. leaned to Moses Samuel, etnblematical of weakness. Smudge had declared that he would expose the child to the measles before it should benicknamedMose or Sam. Then he hinted at Jonah ; but Mrs. Smudge would listen to no such monogram. She didn't want her last child's name connected with a fish story ! Already they had named a child Haman, and she was sure that, he would be hanged some day. Seeing that no Soriptural name could be agreed upon, she suggested Omega, rerainding Smudge that they had namod their first born Alpha. ' You don't cali this one Omega,' said Smudge. ' NI put the name away, and when we want it 111 let you know. How would Martin Lutherdo?' ' I'm a Baptist, I am, Smudge !' retorted Mrs. S., coloring. ' I don't want any Lutheran names in this house. For your mother's sake, I allowed one of my cuildren to be called Jonathan Wesley. 8he don't poke any Methodist naines on to m again. If Luther had been a Baptist, the name might do. There's Iioger Williams. Koger Williams Smudge would sound well. He could wiite it E. Williams Smudge, you see.' ' But he never will !' cried the parent, with determination. ' Hoger Williams was a Baptist, and you know, Mrs. S. that I don't lean that way. I'd sooner cali him Toin Paine.' ' Cali him Torn Paine, and 111 kill him before he's weaned.' ' You like Puritans, Mrs. Smudge. - Cali him Miles Standish.' ' No, sir ! I don't want my child to grow up with any such outlandish name. You called our second boy Plymouth Bock Smudge, and that name will kill him before he votes. No more Puritan names.' ' You're the confoundest particular woman I ever saw,' retorted Smudge. ' If it iiad been a girl, we would have culled her Cleopatra Octavia.' 'No we wouldn't' Our fourth girl now groans undur the name of Olyniuia Tarpeia. It will make her be uu old maid. Let's compromisc, Srnudge. You liko a strong name - Goliah, for iustance - I, a Baptist oue. Let's cali the baby Eogor W. Goliah Smudge.' ' Put the Bible name ürst.' ' I wou't doit !' ' Thon we'll cali him something else.' ' My father's naino was Joshua Gideon,' meekly suggested Slrs. 8. ' What do I care if it was P None of my children shall be called after any of your relatives. That's settled' Let us k'all back on a late name - Garibaldi, for instance,' ' ür Bonaparte.' ' Which onc '■' ' Napoleon the Third.' ' No ; I won't have him called Napoloon.' ' Then you shan't eall him Garibaldi, retorted Mrs. S., as flrmly. ' Smudge, you're the touchiest individual I ever lived with. You won't listen to anything. - I'm reasouable - -willing to listen to anythiug you propose.' ' Then cali the boy Daniel Webster. I always admired the old statesman.' ' Our family shan't be disgraced by a Whig name,' said Mrs. Smudge. . Lat'ayette is a great, a good name.' Smudge thought; be was on the eve of suggesting the name of the great Frenchman, himself. ' He must have a middlo name.' ' Lafayette Williams!' said JVlrs. S. ' There's your old Baptist name again ! I teil you ltoger Williams shan't, in any form, hang to that boy 's coat-tail.' 'Then you shan't cali him Lafayette.' And thus the quarreling over the christening continued for six mortal hours. Finally, the affair was settled. Smudge's twelfth baby is to face the world with the simple cognomen of John Smudge. na ■ 4 mm ■ mm