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Pith And Point

Pith And Point image
Parent Issue
Day
20
Month
April
Year
1877
Copyright
Public Domain
OCR Text

Skcbetaby op Tire Navy Thompson, i among his "reforma," intendB that United States vcssels shall not lie too much. John F. Chambbrlain, tlie well-known tnrfite, goesintobankruptey ondpaysone cent ou the dollar. This is turf eaougli on creditors. Thb Richrnoud Knquircr talks about "mi immense quadroou buil." Probably a ball giveu by a quadroon weighing four hiiudred pouuds. Don't go to the Black Hills to get rich. It is f ar easier to organizo a life insurance company and pay yourself a salary of $30,000 per yoar. A man being asked, as he lay sunning himself on the grass, what was the height of his ambition, replied, " To marry a rich widow with a bad cough." Eiout hcndbed lightning rods have been ordered for the Vatiean, and the agent who took the order says, "I will do Vatican to give satisfaction. " Thb Turks have a superstition that the husband who beats his wife on Friday will have good luck. It's very handy to help maintain good domestic govemment. Dr. Hoiland says that man witli a good heart can be satisified to live on crusts. The Doctor gets a salary of $20,000 per year, and probably refera to upper crusts. Dr. Mary Walker was seen looking at a revolver iu a Washington gun store the other day. She seemed to be liesitating whether to buy that or invest in a pitchfork. They are preparing for high water in New England. rig-pens are being araced up, the wóiaen are drawiug tlieir feet in, and the hand-organ men are coming West. Four-yhak old to his mother holding hc baby: " Ray, mamma, say ! That squawling 'ittle baby seems to sint 'eo's ze only chile yon got ! I'd give him back agin !" Thbrb is a New Jersey buteher who trios to give away yellow pupB to his customers. He gave away twenty-seven before his customers found that he was selling more meat than formerly. A Paris doctor who tried to cure aa aotress of her obesity sent her to the grave, but he explained to the public that he had to sacriflee one person in order to get the hang of his treatment. Thk omnibus driver believeth in specie payment. Every trip he droppetli a few dozen of the passengers' coins into the straw, and at night he raketh them out and crieth, "Behold! a bonmza !" A rowiïRFUJj breath - "Does he drink ?" asked oue of the News compositor of another the other morning, referring to a fellow-crafteman. "Drink ! he's got a breath that would pi a form." Napoleon the First was perfecÜy satïsfied if he had raw onions and cruste to eat. but a Second Lieutenant in tho United States army in these days wante four kinds of soup nnd perpetual peace. " It was pitohed without," said the clergynifuij and nu oíd bnse-bíd] player, who bad been calinly slumbering, awoke with n start nnd y'elled "foul!" The iirst bass ame down frm the choir and put hini out. Buckvheat cakes have been discontinuad at Vassur for tke season, and tho slim, spirituelle student already passos through a recitation With loss uneasiness and manifest disposition to have som other girl scratcli her back. " What is the best remedy," asked a preacher of a shrewd observer, "for au inattentive nndienee?" "Give them something to atteud to," was the significant reply. " ïïungry sheep will look up to the rack if there is hay iu it." Tiiere never was a time when the insuranee business ws so safe as it is now. All that a man wants to do after he gets insured is to die right quiok, befó th company does. Bnt'he doesn't want to be fooling around, liring and haring a good time. A Sünday-schooi. boy gave his teacher Üiis illustrntive definitiou of " responsibility:" "Boys has two buttons for their s'penders so's to keep their pnnte up. When one button comes off, why there's a good deal of respousibility on the other button." It is difficult to explnin the workings of the youthful rnind. A lioy who will listen indifferently to the sublimrsttruths of theology will be i-oused to the ncutest iutfïrcst by the progresa of a caterpillar ovr the collar of the hended man in the pew in front of him. A FAOETioüS physician, au old bachelor, said the other day to a singlo lady: " How caoi yon with a clear conscience answer öt. Peter when you ehall reach heaven's gate, for your heartíesanéss in refusing so many marriage offors ?" The lady nrchly replied, "I shall teil the AposÜe that Dr. did not ask me." Is tbo cprinfï UlP gentío 8rcNalorn their guitars, Auii the ïolma ruako merry unrlcrTifHtli nt4irs ; TlU'n, noxt tlay, petitie ftireNader not o jolly are - ' ' For a fellow cau't be morry Playüig on the soft catarrU LetxNion II aft 'd.

Article

Subjects
Old News
Michigan Argus