The Champion

" The laziest man I ever seed," remarked Jim Blodgers, " trtsre a man tha'tthe boys used to cali Oíd Laydown. They conldn't rind out his fust name, 'cause he were too lazy to recollect it. He b'longed to the same sekr't society as me, and we paid him 10 a week sick beneñts fox three weeks. Said he hurt liis leg. Foünd ni'terwards by the doctor and a dozen eye-witnesses that he injured his shins by walkin' up ag'in' a cobweb. Fact. Lazy? You bet he were easygoin'. One afternoon he fainted in the street and were brought home to bed. We weren't to be catched this time on benefits. Said he had fainted front loss of blood. Doctor examined him and found mosquito-bite under his left ear. Fact. You bet he took things comfortably. He used to lure a small boy in warm weather to hold his straw for him while he sncked his sherry-cobbler. Axed me one day if there weren't some cheap way of workin' a tooth-brush by machinery. Said he wished he could eat without workin' his jaws - 'feared they'd wear out too soon. Fact. Well, I don't mind if Ido."- Vhy'aiia (Xev.) Chronivle.