The Difficulties Of A Witness

"You must get aroimd early in the iiiorning, my dear," said Mr. Spoopendyke, "because I'tn guing to be a witness in court. "(Jood gracious!" ejaculated Mrs. SpOOpendySe, "What liaveyoii been do"What il'yi' s'pose I've been doing'i I've heajrd sorne tliings in a law case, and I've got to swear to tliem. You oan't have a law caso without Nitnesses, and I've got to be one to-morrow; so you bustle out in the morning and get my breakfast." "Tliey cantdo anything to you, can they?" inquired Mrs. Spoopendyke, nervously. "If I ain't there in time they can send me to jail," responded "SU-. Shh])endyke, ominously, "and youM bettet get me ready in tinic it' you dont want to lose me," and Mr. Spoopendyke floppedinto bed and went to sleep. Mrs. Spoopendyke tuined ihe doek ahead two hours, arranged her hair, and sat down to speculate on the chances of waking at the proper moment. At first she concluded to stay ii]) all night, but she began to get sleepy, and rellecting that if she lixcd her mind on the hout she wantel to rise slie'd be sure to wake np, she went to bed and to sleep simultaneously. At half past four she roused up with a terrified start. "Wake up, my dearl" sho exclainjed to her husband. "You've got to go a witnessing in a case this morning. Hurry up, or they'll put you in jail." 'Wah!" responded Mr. Spoopendyke. "What did the liead get mixed there with - proof - ah!" and Mr. Snoopendyke was sound asleep again. "You must gct right up and go to court," said Mrs. Spoopendyke, firinly. You know something about a law court and you must wake up right off." "What's the matter.?" piopoiu&ded Mr. Spoopendyke, sitting up and glaxing aroimd him. "What day of the month is this ? Who called Spoopehdyk? I ain't slept a wink," and Mr. Spoopendyke feil back on lus j)ill(iw. "Yon know you must go totheuasfl," coutiiiuel Mis. Spoopendyke. "You've been apointed a witness and you must go and swear about it. Wake up, or they will arrest you." "What case?" deinamled Mr. Spoopendvkc. Who's arrested? Can't you let a man alone just as he is getting in adoze? What's the matter with you, anyway?" "You wantod to ge.t up éariy a))out some court. ('ome, got up, now, or they'll send you in jail," and Mis. Spoopendyke got up and lighted th(! gas, and began dropping on her skirts. "Wlio's going to court V" asked Mr. Rpoopendyke, sitting up in the bed. 'Where's the court V Think any court wants me at five o'clook in the moi-ning?" " It'a about a law case," said Mrs. Spoopendyke, cheerfully. " You know you are a witneas. To tlünk tliat L should live to be the wife "f a witness !" and Mm. Bpoopendyke, Brmly impressed tliat it was lonothing In the nature of a i'oreign missie m, gazed admiringly upan het husband. "Dod gast the law case !" ho wied Mr, Spoopendyke, now thoroughly mád. "D'ye think a law case göea prowïina around all night like a ptoliceman '? Got an idea that a judge is gniiii; to straj) the court house on liis back and fetcïi it up liere at daylight to try a law case r ' "Hut you said ynu wanted to et up early," reasoEed Mrs. Spoobendj'ke, "and it's pretty early now," " D'ye s'pose l wanted to get up at midnight to practice 'i" propounded Spoopendyke. "Tliink a law case is like a church sociable the first man there gets the best supper ? P'raps yon were afraid if I didn't stitrt early I wouldn't get a scat. 'l'lie nioasly court don't meet till ten o'clock, 1(h1 gast it ; and hfgEfi you wake me up at four ! What d'ye suppose a witncss is, anyhow?" skouted Mr. Spoopenayke, getting madder and madder. "Think he's a dark lantern, and gocs aaound wlth his slide turned and the snioke coming out of the top? D'ye know what a court is?" "Why, yes," said Mrs. Spoopendyke, "acomt is i place wliere they liang peopie. Mrs. Meirhof " "That's it! You st nuk it, first clip," sputtered Mr. Spoopendyke. "With that infonnation, all you want is i lug hat and au ndjouriitnent to be a lawyer. Tf 1 liad your intelligence and a bald head, I'd liiic nut for jiulge at board wages. 1 teil ye, a CÓnírf is a place wlicrc. Ihcy trv cmscs about land. and licking peo)le, uní contraéis, and - and - and divorce cases. Yes, indeed," continued Mr. Spoopendyke, solemnly, "tliey tvy divorce cases about women waking their husbands up in the dead of night." "What kind oí a law naé are yon going to witnessV" inquircd Mrs. Spoopendyke. "A daylight case! You understand that? At ten o'clock, and bot flve. Get that tbrough your head? Thlnk you can remember ten o'clock? If you can't, can you remember èlteven, öt nixin ?" "Do they have cases eciy hour ?" queried Mrs. Spoopendyke. "Of course they do. They leave every fifteen mfnufe, like a ferryboat and if I can't catch onecase 111 witness in another. Got it now ? Only they ion't run as of ten fnmi midn4trh( tn six. Begin to see into it ?" "I think I do," said Mis. Spoopendyke, ruiniiuiting, "I was thinking tlmt if oiic siiutcil aboutthree o'clock, I'd go and witness with you.1 "Ohlyou'dmakea witness!" ])roil;iiined Mr. Spoopendyke, "With yoiir eapacity for observing and ability to recolleot you'd only wunt to appear twice to absürt the wlniR' wnees business," and with tliis reflection, Mr. Spoopendyku went back to liis sluinbers. At t(ii o'elock sharp tiis wlfe called him iin 1 rlotifled liim of the lióur. "Ilow'in T to get tlicrc In time? Why didn't yon cali me befbreT Wani me sent to State prison lor conteropt? Want to get rid of me, don't you?" and Mr. SpOOpténdpke dartod into liis clotlics. "Don't you want somo lu-cakfast, niy dear?" inquii-od Mrs, Bpoopeace, teudei'lv. "Xa, I ilün't want any incasly break fast," lie shouted. "Didn't I tell yon was a Witnesa ut ten, and now it's half past, Thiiik a man is appointed witness during good behavior? Súppose I liold tho otliire till my successor is appointed ?" and Mr. Spoopcndykc pliinged down stairs and oút of the house. "I only did whathc toldme lo," sif,rhed Mrs. Spoopendyke, wetting a piece ofcourt piaster and patching. a hole in her silk dress. '"thoTigh tdontseeanT use of a man litinr a witness if lieoan't be a witness wlnn lic wants to. If I werea man," slic roiitinued, as.shr fleflped down on the ili to ohaóge her boots, "l get appointed by the president, and then I conld attênd to business or not, a.s I Hked," witli which sage refleötiöÈ Mvh. Spoopendykê pulled out her liusbands socks and began to sew wens three inches is diameter on the heels.-