Wit And Humor

The girl, who was locked in her lor er's arms for threa hours, explains that it wasn't herfault. She claims he for got the combinaüon. A North Carolina trout dragged a boy under water. The man who saw the oatastrophe shows the rescued boy and the water in cvidence. A pint of whisky pnt in a fruit-cake wijl keep it for six six months, and the same auiount put in a man will keep lum down town till 2 in the morning. - Texas Siftings. "Proorastinate ees to put off, eh? 1 seu Tres bien! Then the man who ees drank you procrastinate from the cars. Ver' simple, ver' finelanguage.' - Bosoa Transcript. A remarkable parrot, which died re cently at the age of 27, in Quebec, took greatdelight in giving thisconundrum; Why does a donkey eat thistles? Uive it up? Ha, ha, ha! Because it's an ass." Is anybody waiting on you?" said a polite dry goods clerk to a young lady from the country. "Yes, sir," replied the blushiog danisel; "that's my fellow outside; he wouldn't come in the store," - Cabinet. "What are your views of Europe, my dear sir?" piitronizingly queried the ubiquitous note-book mauler as he poised, his ready pencil. "Mostly stereoscopic," wasthëcurtreplyof the travelstained senator They were lounging on the parlor lounge, their arms entwined, "Oh!my Sophie dear," he sighed, "you alone know how to love." "Yes, Eben, that is what they all teil me." The thermometer dropped to 0. 'I have a very dear lover, seventeen years old. What shall I send him for a birthday present?" [Lucy.] Send him a mustache cup, dear. Consult the advertising columns of some college paper, if you cannot afford a new one. Plantation philosophy: De Shanghigh chicken 'minds me ob certain men dat I seed. He crows mighty loud an' braga arouhd 'mong de hens an' young chickens, but when a game rooster comes aronnd he's got business on de adder side ob de fence. A little girl of seven exhibited much disquiet at hearing of a new exploring expedition. When asked why she shoula care about it she said : "If they discover any more countries they will add to the geography I have to study. There are countries enough in it now. A Galveston child, little Charlie, was liaviug a wordy war with the nurse. His father sang out: "Now, Charlie, are you going to be quiet, or shall I come with a switch?"' "Never mind the switch, pap2," responded theyoungster; "I can set her right without your help." An oíd sharpadvertised: "Book-keeping taught in one lesson. Terms, one dollar." He got a large class on the opening night, and, a'fter they wero seated and the dollars rushed in, he said: '-Tae whole art of book-keeping hangs on three words. Never lena them." A Boston man, who had his noso mashed over his face during a personal unpleasantness in a Chicago bar room, was told by the doctor that it was a simple case of molecular disintegration. "Tliauk you," he said; "I begin to teel betler already, that sounds so much like homo." The confounded slang does raise the very niischief. Wlien anandsomeyoung vvife went to a hardware store to get one of those wooden contrivances to mash potatoes and said, "I want a mashcr," every man ia the shop, from the boss to the office boy, started to ttend her. A Wiseonsin girl's innate modesty oauscd her to ask a slerk ín a store for a pair of Iinibling3 when she wanted Ieggin3. The struggle for the cake now Hes between herand the Missouri girl who tells strangers that during the war the cnemy threw up bust works on her father's farm. A Florida hotel-keeper was eharging a Western traveller three prices for bad aocommodations. "What will you do whenyou have killed the goose that lay the goldeu eg-r?" said the grumbling traveller. "Wait for another goose VL said the hard-faced landlord.- NewOrleans Picayuno. "Ef it tuck as mueh ob a strugle ter git drunk as it does to gitsober, I neber would hab laid out in de rain all night. De machinery ob dis life is a mighty oöntrary arrangement. De thing dat yer ougfaten ter do is mighty easy. but Ie things yer oughter 'complish is powerful hard."- Arkansaw Traveller. "1 owe you anapology," said a Newport man to an aciuaiutance he met on the street. "Well, for God's sake, pay it," said the other fellow; 'Tve been round oollecting all the afternoon and [ hnvon't got :i nickel. Í really feel myself deeply indebted to you, for it is botter to take to the office an apology thaa notlting."