One Of Artemus' Best

Of the countless goodstories atlributed to Artemus Ward, tho best one, perhaps, is one which tells of the advice hegavo to a Southern railroad conductor soon after the war. Tho road was in a wretched condition and tho trains, conaequently, were run at a phenónienally low rate of speed. When the conductor was punching his ticket, Artemus remarked: "Does this railroad company allow passdngcvs to give it advice. if they do so in a respectful roanner?" The condutor replied in gruff tones that he guessed so. "Well," Artemus went on, "it oocurred to me that it would ba well to detatch tho cow-catcher f rom the front of the engine and hitch itto tho rear of the train ; for you seo we aro not liablo to overtake a cow, but what's to prevent a cow from strolling into this car and bitting a passenger?" Queen Victoria, it is said by Germán papers, will leave England in tho beginning of March in her yaclit Osborne, for Flushing. After ruuiaining in her villa near Baden until April she will go to Darmstadt to be prosent at the marriage of her gianddaughter. Princes3 Victoria, to Princo Louis von Battenberg. The Queen will return to England at the end of April, after a visit to the Rivier. c3