Press enter after choosing selection

A Test Of Affection

A Test Of Affection image
Parent Issue
Public Domain
OCR Text

What originally cwised Mr. Mi nis to doubi the sincerity of Mra Gïnnis' lciv(; forhim ia nol known. The ! pair had livril together in compari peaee and h'appiness for nine years. To be suve, Mr. MeGjinnLs mes expressed Cold dinners which were set i i on washihg day, ain! had cxièasionally remarked that all women are crazy on the subject of house-cleaning; and there li:ul been occasions when Mrs. Mo(;: ' ' appeaJöd to LRë móphaiulle to enhorco her views, had iiidyiilged in the Wild jusüoe of the stoyebd when her feeliiigs h'ad been violentlylacerated. Neyei'theli ddod lite of the Mc'Ginnisfis was on Ihe wholp snccessful, and thcir neighborè wouhl have been Èfrteatly surpnsed had aöy onehiritëd tha Mjs. McGionis was not warmlv nüiuhed to her htisband. When Mr. McGïnnis began to ask himself if he was (jnite ure that lus wife loved liim, his peace of mind vanished. Hë is a middle-aged, respectable man, engaged in the manufacture oí hats, and entirely dépendént for liis happiuesa upon his belovcd wifo. No sooner lmd theHBlQckythöttght eatered his hcsad that perhapsshe diil not rcally carefor him tlmn he heg&n to notice :my quantity of trifles, ncarlv te liht ;is p,tnspheric air, which to iiismorbid iiaag-ination seemcd evidence of his wife's cöldness. The cold dinner ou Möndaya and the semi-anmial house eleaniiig gradually preseoted themselvcs to him in the light of heartlcss persecutions. If Mis. McGinnis went sa-t up late, lio decided that she was inlhieneed by n de.iirc to watch him and prevent him from exercisïng his marital rigjbt of snoi-ing in bis chair. He imttgined that she manifested in countloss ways bot li her want of love for him and the hypoensy witli which she tried to concual it; and thus looking pon her who -as the wii'o of liis bosom with suspicion, he becamo a miserably unhiippy man. In eeurse of time it seemed to Mr. McGiimis tlinl it woiildbe wcll to test his wife's affection. In pursuance of this 'nu -a, he devised various üttle plans of more or les i'.ic!Hiit)-. On ene occasif):i hu waked Mrs. MeGinnis up in the middlu of tlii! mVht and in a whisgeï informed her that he was dyino-, The good n-oman promptly arose, and, preparing !a mustard piaster, plaeed it where it woukl do the most srood, an-1 e-chibited a sólicilude that was quite Batisfactary. The afortúnate man, however, was not contented, and tried the experiment a second time, whereuponMrs MeGinnis remarked, "Fiddlesticks!"- whlch was hearüess, as well as irrelevant- and told him to go to sleep and he would be all right intlie muruing. Bcing agaln filled with susöieion as to-the state of his wife's affectious, Mr. MeGinnis tried further tests. He entered the house hurriedly one evening, and iníormed her that he luid been shot at by ttree i-uilians, who swore that they wöuld kill him sooner or later. Instead of bursting into toara aiul beggirrg him to take care of his precious Ufe, Mxs. MoGinnis calmly remaj-ked: " Jolm, I want you to signthe :o tliis minute, and don't you ever daré to come home in such a shameful state igain," and thereupon compelled her hushand, who was far more sober than the average members of an electivo Judicïary, to then and theresign a total-abstineuce pledgè. Stil] the 'miserable man hankered for further tests, and he even took the ill-judged liberty of informing his wife that hisheajth was becoming umlermined by cold meat; that f she really cared whether he lived or died she must give him a hot dinner on Mondays. íhe told him that if he wantod to die he might, but she didnot propose to take the Boller off from t'i iire and thus interioro with the washing, in order to pamper with any silly fooi that ever Iived, ' ' and the sooner you mak e lij) yourmuid to that, Jolm McGinnis, the better, and don't Iet me see you comino; iuto the kitchea Mbndays, if you know what's best for yourself." ín the opinión of Mr. McGinuis, these ! to a lack of aiïection Whioh was, to bhe last tfegree, painful to him. He ceased, for a time, to mate any further experiments. and assumed a sad despairing look, whieh he rather thought would'move the heart of a brasa monkey, had there been a metalie animal of 'that species in the neighborhood. It fmally oceurred to him that suicide would be the fching to exoite any sligtet partiële of pity that mjght süll linger in his wife's bosom. It so happened that he Iived in a threeStory house, aud the joint bedroom of himself and Mrs. McGinnis was the two-pair-back room. One afternoon he mounted to the third story, caarying the clothes-line with him. He fUsteñed one end of the line around his body, just vinder the arma, and the other to the leg of a Bedsfead. Then opening the window he carefully lowered himself until he dangled opposito his bedroom window, in which situation he attracted his wife's attention. That estimable woman was at last convinced that her husband was in earnest, and that he had aetually hanged himself. Fillod with horror, she sprang to the ■window, and remembering that a person who has hanged himself sliould be cut down as soon as possible, she cut the cord with a large pair of scissors. Mr. McGinnis feil heavily to thegroiind, and when he was subsequenüy picked up he had just strength enough left to remark that at last he was satisfled, and then hostily expircd. Thia incident attbrds a valuable precedent to men who desire to know if tlieir wives really lovo them. It would, houcvui-, be well foi any husband who proposes to hang himseif to so manage the affair that hi's fee shaÜ be but afow inches from thq. ground. When, in trueh circumstances, he is cut down by a hoiTiíied 'wife, hu will be none the worse physieally for his experiment, and his wife wiU be aaved the trouble and expense oí a funeral.


Old News
Ann Arbor Argus