Tuf, offer to bet is a fool'a argument. Every miin lias his prejudices and every woman her bras. " Covf,toítsnes3 tranrts tho bag." So doos the baggage-omasher. TflB olivo branch m ar.sin of pcaco - a proco of oïm braach. - Picayitm. A JouRifAt-isT at a futiera] is the write man in tte rite plnco. - N. Y. Nnvs. Wben thj stove is ptit op in tho p:xrlor look otrt for sparks. - Toronto Graphic. Man's dothos aro of his lifo a thiag 1 apar!, they're wanran's wholeexisteace. i - W. J. Lampion. WllEN wo eco XX orXXXon alitjuor cast, we aiways think o crisa cross walking oondcnsed insrde of it Non Haven Register. Yodng man, dori't wate ytmr energies in attenaptfBg to woar too delicate ii shade of elötbea; tho pirts oever care ior thran. Thcir own iinery occupies their alfention. - New lirtocn Register. Some crosty, rusty, fitsty, mu th foflowing toast at a celebra " (ir lire eoginee - may they be !:'. our crtd maid.-- ever rcudy, bat never wantd." Tuk s.-hool-boy will gkiat for half a day on tíc enigmas in apijürfe oolumn, birt whtín he cones to gettin his regu)ar arithmetie fcson hc oonsmers it the greatest bore oa earth, - Rome (A'. Y.) Eentvnel. It is an hones-t coaJcssion o íraílty that makea somt women give ftway 'n secret. They f cd doubtfuï abont being able to tsep it, so they hand it over t? auotlier in the hope of ineuring it safer custody. - Yonkers Ocixettc. Young laily, who can't hoar be play because óf the racket muilo by the lawn-mower: "John, how long .hal! you bo, as I want to practico?" Gnllanï young gardener: "Oh, goo yeouw on, Miss Ainy, gooyoouwoii! I shan'tmind yar n Tiïf, Philadelphia Fxxlger infonns an "nnxious inqnirer" Üiat "poets are born, no,t made." We regret to learn thig, for wo hatl inteoded to take a bloek of wood and a penknife, and wliittte out a fow for the f all trade. - Norristoton Serald. A gbktlewan by tho nñmo of Gnan was recently fired out of a water: patch in Graf toa. Ky. As ho was borne i home on íi shiitter he feebly remarked that he woald have besn ready to go off after he got loadcd, if they'd oniy let him alono. - N. Y. Qnjpkic. The litfle boy who triexl to icst a big me.lon on tho park railing last evening, sadly rêmarked when it dropped t sidewalk, "That's a pnrty sick looiiin; meten, but 'taint nothiiig near as baa broke up as l'll bo wheii Ig-it home without it." - Ntuiarh; &un(kty Oall. A peki'Lexed Gemían who had made a garment íor a vouth, and found hiniseif imatrlo to dispo.- of the surplus iss wbioh appeared when trving it on tlie young candidate, deolared vociferoosly that " do coat is goot. It it is no iault of de coat. De po-y is too slim!" OLDlIr. ITan!.j:;, oí Oi.-on tlumaht his hcirs shouM have nothktf to quarrcl c-ver ho bumed twenty-ïwe tl, iusand dolïiir.s in Grecnback;í. JJk' dkin't die, after alL and novr v.iven tiw h-eivs see him sawing wootl to earn his bread they naturally feel that they aro ahead of him. - Iklroil Vee Pr Livekpad had been i!l for some weeks, and Jones, meeting Smith, asks, "How's Liverpad, any bet! "Well," aays Smith, " hi- physieian is hopefuL" "Tes, yes," reeponds Jones; " that's all very woll; but is his undertaker hopeful? That's more to Uie purpo.so-!" Joks )3 such a peculiar fellow! - Jioslon "Psxtnseript. A Kixhdí; boy bas built asmaíl enguxe or motar wiúeh runs by tha power of eluaeae. Tho struager the eheefle ttie stroagar Üie lawine runs. He thlnkg he has struck a Mg bonanza, and by fuMing a few onions and a small quantit.y of boarding-house butter, enongh strength willbe obtained to hold a mulé by tito liind lega while the smallept kind of a boy twiSts the inule's tail. - Keofouk Cotistüution. A good country parson prcacned a series of sermons on practical morality, and very Lnte'resting and tastruetive they were. A lad in the village who had heard only one of them was coming out of an orchard one day, his poskets bulp;inp; out witli stolen fniit. He met the parson, who noticed his efforta to conocal tlie evidonces of his guiit. " Have you been stealing appIeyP" asked the minister. "Yes, sir," answered the boy, sheepishly, "And you aro trying to luide them from me?" continued the good man. " Yes, sir," said the eulprit, and tlicn added, his i'aee brightening up, " You said last Sunday tha( we must avoid the appearance of evil." At a recent "town meeting" near Boston, the question of laying out a road wás undor oonsideration, and ii wa proposed to appropriate a eertain amount for Ihc wovk. To this one individual strejiuously objected, winding up his remarks by offering to "do job himself for half tho nioney." Just here a knurly Httle Irishman on tho ontskirts of ting spoke out and s:ii!: "Thrno for yez, combe" - and Buncombe smiled with satisf liich faded into dismaj as the Hibi rnian orator continued - "fut I workod furyezfur th this summer, anti niver a cení did yez pay tnc. and if ye do the town wurk in the sni:i'.' way, ye can tako it fit half the prlce of w. otiier felly." - Boston Oommcrcïal Bulletin. Tíit: town of Havre was lfitoly kopt for moro th:m an hoar in a state of excitement by tho oscnpe of a;i American ox landed from raí Englisb. stoamer. The animal ran through the streets, followed by a crowd, many persons üriug gnns and pistola at it uutil, rendered almost furious by tíia ohase, it íxt last, v.-ountlod and exhausted by loss of blood, made a stand ia the Rus St. Quentin, whcre it withstood f;;r o qaarter of an hour quifo a fusflade of íire.-irms until brouwt down by a shot from a rifle. Several persons were iowa by the Ox, :'.:;! ouo rooaived a stray btiHot in hls face. - In sailiug np the Penobscot rivcr in Maine, recently, the Captain of a gchooner heard cries of distress coming from the shove near Haéipden. He anchorèd and went on shore, and iu a he found a farmer pinned to tho earth by a large rock that had fallen npon !iin rvliii '■ ín an effort to sink it. The man' s leg was broken, and he was in great agony. The Captain procured tl ace of fivemen and removed the roei;, which 'as a one. In returning to his v cl tlic Captain broke Jii own anklo iu Jumping over a fencc.