Aoame lep- A Jiaunch of venisoiw Nothing so quiokly driea a woman'd j tear a S kiss. A HOT (liEcr.asion frequently makes eool friendship. Ho',v to acquire short-hand - Fooi arouncl a buzz-síw. The best time to gather apples is ia j Jiie dark, of the moon- when the farmer is in his little bed. " Now lay in yorar coal," says an exchange. The man who woukl proilur snch advice must be a fuel. A Utica bootblack who was driven out of tJiat eity ckiims consideraron here as apolish refugee. - Syracusc Sunday Time.3. Mr. Ssth Cueen is respeetfully rena.sted to see if the oyster cannot be comcetieated in church-fair stews,- Qincinnati ümvmtrc',i:l. THar.E'3 H ovs cf bca;t3 and n love of birds,. .r,a a kir-íi of the lore-od'a w ia(ik thin Ia ;, - Andrew'B Bazar. . íide spaculators in Wall strect ttftbs'' by the ;.- ■ reaswn that thcy gamo'.-l fii:st and gt sheared afterwárd. "Wa k Jiliag at present in the rorv ;iraL3 of tynmny," exclaims a veïtern coribe. Aha! just been marïied, have you?- í Ka ír loo Obgtfv r. Á. liïtlk boy carne to hls mothor recíatly and asid, "?Jamnia, I a] that if I was made o i ; a-.uddy inside when I dri] J.T is not stjaige that writers .„ í:.hís gt pr_zzieI in their choice twesa "that," "which" anfl --v, Uelriivjs s.ra alvvaya more or less troublesome.- Boalon Transcript. A uw Li Dutch Flat, Cal., pickeú up ; roek thj othr day to throw at a cow. veiglit cf it ?. tfracted hU atfceirtion, 3d Oe ázambation it was found to mUia ovar a fcundred do'i&rs in gold. A toung vï-oniaii turnad up hernose, ard s-,id, with a aneer: " I wou't rmmv a faiT2í.-." Th.at is agood arraoTetuenít for tie farmeï. If she had niartli a ij i m, la be the ons to regret it.- loica Siaic E?gisier. A TüiKSE womsn reoently married a Chines UimdïyaM, anti iu three da therea-ter tha uahappj Celastial appeared -t a barber's shop aud orüeied bic pigtail to be eat off, sayiag, iu e.vpla.ui.tion: "Too mu.ch.ee yauk?' A newspai-ïr vrritM adriaes pcwts to " dive down deep icto irrefragable aad imperishable íacís," and therSby ■ niévate themselTss to fue loftfafet hei'hts of sublime ideas and enn..!;;i seutimcnt." To "dive down deep" iu order to "elévate" one's selí is a poetio licease.- N. Y. Mail. A THRKE-YEAE-old litt'.e girl was taught to cióse Jier eveníng prayer, during the leiuporary absence oí "her fatlier, with, "Aadplease watch over my papa." It souaded veiy sweet, but the mother's a; ' may be imao-iued when the child added, " Afld yon d better kap an eye on mamuut, too." A toung lady who liad been raarried ornameüted with the most chai-minolittle ereepe'.'s you eyer saw." ïlieolcï man read the latter and exelaimed, as, by tliunder." - Keokuk The Supreme Court of the District of Cok.]; atelydecided that common centers, hiciuding ïailroads, express compaiiies, etc, cannot release themselves from lia-bility to pay full raice tor pack&gea or property lost or destroyed by liiniting in the reeeipt giyeu fat the goods the aniouut ior whicfci taey propose to bc liable. "IwASTto sell yoïi aa encyclopedia," said i bock agent to ore of our foremost pork uxen the ether day, who, by the Wy, is better posted on pori than h-i is on bcoks. " What do I want yonr eneyclopedifi" enarled the pork man; "i'coiüdn't ride one if I had it." He thought it wcs a new variety of relociDode. - OindnrMti Saturdau Night. A Danbury boy was discovered to be "playinff hookey" yesterday by aa uncle. ïle was workiug a velocipede in the suburbs. It v.-as supposed by the uncle that the boy had taken advaotage of his father's being out of town for the day. But the young man denied the impeachment, and claimed that he stayed from school because of a sore heel - not sore enough to prevent working a ve!#cipede, but too sore for study. - Danbury Arews. A gextleman who recently returned frora an extended sojourn at Constantinoplc writes a furious letter to a San Francisco paper denouncing what aro advertised as " Turkish attendantö" at the Hammam as imposters. He says he took a bath there the other day and began conversing with the rubber-down in his native langnage, whlcb the correspondent speaks tluently. Instead of responding to the famihar aecents of the Golden Horn the nlleged Mussulman iiumediately turned the big cold hose on him ander the impression that The last straw that breaks the back of your patience in the apothecary's shop, after the polite pharmaoist ñas carefully put your three cents' woi'tli of medicine into a ten-cent bottle, wrapped it up in two ceats' worth of paper, tied & with a cent's worth of twine, and used up about five dollars' worth of your time, is to have him light a small lamp and use up fifteen minutes more in sticking the parce! together with sealing-wax. Then, liaving, in a half-hour, gradually goadeá yoa to frenzy, he blandly says, " Only forty cents, sir!" - Exchange. - The Philadelphia Times recently printed a history of the management of Jay Cooke's affaire since his failure, and sald: "Creditors who have nofc parted with their claims nor sold their stock can to-day, connting their receipts from casli dividend, realize the t'ull face of their claims, with a handsorue surplus by vay of interest. Beside this, there wil] be anotlier scrip dividend, Aliich it is believed will beworth in cash iie per oentuna of the claims, wiiicli wil! mi'ke a return of $l,122.o7 for every $1,000 of claims." - Mj -t Liine Johnson has risited Meicersburg, Pa., for the purfe f pnrchasiDg tlie spot of proiind at Cove Gap, tln.v lüiks n;irt!nvest of that towa, wiiich is known as the birthplace of her unele, President Buchanan. Mr?. Johnson proposes to eroct :i monument to the ex-President's memory at that place. - In reoogaitioa of the mathematieal powers of Miss Christine L;uld, i young gradúate of Vassar College, she was reeently hn íted rj (lie Trustees of Jolins Hopkina UniTersity to cotntiuiie her studies there, annual stipeiul equal to that of a recular feliowship. She haa juat been asled, a!so, to pursue a special course at Harvard under I'rofessor Tiercé.