Wit And Humor

A plncR wlicro duty culis- Tlic Custoni IIoUSQ. Abo-.it tlii most troiiblesome faction Ín imy political party is dissatisfaction. Mon are geeso, women aro (hieles, and bu-íls of":i loathcr flok togetlior; The mi)'t wondorfül tlihig about the ea-s(H-[)oiH is tliat il's uever actuullv a seen serpent. I?y a Brute! Tlio mm who never smoit povrder is the felUny who ueTeï lielil his nose close to a woiuau's cheek. A man -vrho sairt lie spokc from cxpei'tence lately declared that, in bis opinión, "the worst tliing out" ia one'3 last match 011 u ilark niglit. Atmoapherioal knowledgé is uot thorouglily Jistributed in our schools; A boy hum i nskeil, "Wliat is mist?" vaguely replied, "An umbrella." "Stars," sakl an IrisUman, are mncli more uaefíil than the sim, tor they Bhiné in the niglit, when it is darkj but the suu slmies only m tue aaytime, whrii titera U iight eiiough ■without it." "Good morning.Patiick. Yon havo rot u new coat ut last, but it goenis t6 flt you too unie i"- "Oh, thei-e's uothiug surprising in tint; sure, 1 wasn't thcre wheu i was nieiisureit for it." A gentleman liaving á servant with a voi-v thick gkull, used often to cali hira the kiug ot' fools. "I wish," said the fellow 011e day, "you could niake your worda gooJ, as I should then uo the monarch of me world." Considérate Mother (to govorness) : "Misa Siuitli, ilüii't let Alfred aud Jennie git down on the damp grassj lor feaf ttaey shduld catch cold. Whep they are ti're.l you can sit down and takê tkem on your lap." A jealous man, testifyiög in a law suit ttiat he had a guspiciou witli reI o-ard to a certaiu matter, was asked what a suspicion is, to wliidli he replied, "Ie ïs a feelin that impela one to fuul out soinethiiig which he ücn:sü't wisli to knowi" There is notliinL ttiat ao takes the Btavch out of a young muí wiio has beeu weddeil about a year as to have tugo toa shop vvliere tliere is a girl Üiat lio use. I to keep couipany wuh, auü iiiquii-a for thwe large-sizod satcty piits. L wvyer C. (entering tho office of his iïieml, Dr. M., and gpeaKing in a honrse whisper) : "Fre.l, l've got sucli a cold this uiorning tlr.it L c.m't ipeak the truth." Dr. M. : "Wellj i'm glad that it'a uothiug tiiat vviil jntcvicic with your busiueas" Damix JU Lssoinetiniés severe. Thé couversatkou had turued upon Miuei 5L wlio had boen vory beautuuli "lie lrna sonieLhing of a goddew," s lid g, fiütht'ul auiniren "ïesi" said DuniLis, Vuitiquity." Child (scarcely thvec ve.ars old) lookins! wiattully at a dimiuutive pie-Mother : "Mata, I waai you tó I gave your uice iic so your papa can geeitwhen lic conius home;" Chih ; looking still more wisttully i "1 sm 1 could teil papa exactly huw it luoks." a fiêWsBöy vrnose iaoe was scu-rod with Bcratches, a reporte iisked bim what the matter w.- "Feller spoke agiu wy sister, bal ho'd bet siie was cross-eye 1, au il S'úle.lin " "lsyoursisiei-cross-cyuu. asked tlie feportei'. "lL.in't got nd Bister," was íhe rcply ; "it waa the princurple oi' tlic fehiug that 1 goc iioked tor." Au Iowa pchoolmaster knockod (lowií a hornet'a uest lo use in ülustrating a Jceiure, but it" the remarks he mu o iininoulately aftcr wuile hitiug aorosa the counti-y wure incroiy tboso he 111tended to use in the lecture, relative to tue hornet'a uest- aud ihey certiun-' ly refen-eü to the nest-the abóouna was oue totally umit fov chiluf-eu to heai'i