Wit And Humor

Nover jump at conclusión. 1 1 's as Imd asjiMiiphvroutol" bed and landing on tlie Hule -nd of a tack. Á irl in Roekfoni, Mc, bad her oisct torn froni lier by a stioke ot srhthini.', but reccived no injury herelf; Tlif! yoiniír nmn, however, veas killed.- Slint ra Frce Press. A well-conked br-:ikl:ist, yrill do nore tovvanls urewsrviHg penco ui ut. ffimily t lin.ii wiil noren mottom on the wal 1, even tliotijih tlicy 'e fnuued in lie innsl cUoorate ui' gilt niokUiys.- Boston Globe. A few y.'us since, nt the celcbnition of uur mitional aiiniversai-y, a pour peilillor who was unweut, llnf cal lei iion tbr a toast, tillered tlie folloWlBg : "llore is a lioaltli to povovty ; it sticks to a ïuaii wlion all lus IViends lorsake hiin." Jmte- "Hovr comes it that you dred break iuto tliis ieuiloinans house in tlie ik-ail "f ni-lit?" Pnsoner- "Why,julge, the other tune you i-eiiroaulié I lite lor stealiní i" lroai day. Am I not to be allowud to worK Two yoiing motliers talkcd of the fu une oí their bables, se vcnil weeks olil. '"I," saul one of tlie motliei-s, "eaniiot decide wliat to niake of niy son." "Olí, 1," Siti.l the otlier, "vvill tnake mine an author- very celebra ted." Landlady- "I fear, Brigitte, that these two herring are scarceljr sunicient for tlie wliole seven o f us. Biioitte- "Oui, niadauíe, I thought so, too, and so 1 adde.l tlie heads of those we liad yestenlay." "Miss Brown, Ivo been to learn how to teil torl.uiie.%" said a youilg follow to a bi-isk brunette. '%Just let me liave your lmml, if you picase.' "La, Mr. Vlnte, how suddou you are! Wcll, o and ask pat" Governor to Sniall Boy- '"Benny, I sliall Ueep you in if you don't learu your lessons to-morrow ; I'in goiug to turn over a uew leaf witU you. Small Boy- "You can't turn over a uew leat ; it's tear'd out." An innocent youLh f rom tlie public school bring liis Meeding knuckles to Uis inotber, asktng for lier syniuathy "llow were they daniaeiii" askêd the lady. "Oh, only againstthe other iellow's cheek-bone." "Poor lellor; how is lus clicek-bone?" Ihe scholiir retires in indign;ition at the glaringabstirditiesof the female logic. Jouesiulth was intently scanning; the stock list in liis Bulletin, vrheu his wile entered with her head tied up and beiran to pace the floor, dist.-.r.tol. "Oh. üus," said she, "i have sueh a borrilla oar-ooUor' "II m, inuttered tUe brute, abseully, without lookiiígui), "youniust haveit out. Mr. Jonesinith," said the luty, coldly, "dou't yon thiuk I ouuld save lt b'y'having it tilled?" A poet asks: "Wlicrearethedreams ot the days gone by ?" Túis a a singular quory, e ven for a poet. lúe Urcains of Üie days gone by are hke the days thcinselvcs- gone by. A arcam can't be ui-wierveil Hke (jumces and pears and other Iruit. llie poet can witness justas livelyand Btaruittg dreams as those that have fletl, if iie will eat a minee pie, a dozen rsivr oysters, and sonie pickled pigs' leet, and diiuk a pint of eider belore goin to bel. A little washing soda was wanted for cleanin ses; so George was uiven a uMue and dispatuliea to the apothccary to get it. (ieorge soon re tun.s, but no so.la. "Vhy didn't you tret the so.ia, Georsc?'' chornsed the tainily. "ldid." "VVhero is it theu?' "i drank it." "Drank il?" "Yes; the man saiil it woukln't keep to briníí honie." A liglU Uawns on the lan.il y's niind, lt asks cageny "Wliat dld yod ask toir' "soda." "Duln't ycju suy washing soda?" "No only sotla." Family laughs as thou.H it were ci-azy. Goorne doesn't knuW wliat all tlie iun's about, but he ia gubsequently heard to say : "TUatras boss-drink." Jemsalem, accoi-dingto British consular reports, is a growing town. lhe forei"n ilebi-ew population has inr.,PliL,d considct'ably öf late years; ïhat community is now estimatcrf at 15,000, inclniHng native Jews, against 10 000 in 1873. The desire to avoid coinpulsory military service, now entorcedin most European countncs, and the right of holding real property in Tnrkey, conceded to foreign subiects bv the protocol of 1868, probably account for the increased immigration. The Germán colony at Jerusakm now iiuinbei-6 nearly 400 persons ; that at Jaiïa about 300. ïhere is a third German settlement at Caiffa of about equal niiinber with the last mentioned. The seti Iers are mecuamus, aiumv-v., carriers uud agrieulturists, and are lairly prosperous. The clnet industries remain wbat they were- the manufacture of oil, soap and anieles in olive wood and mothcr-ot-pearl ; the production of the latier articles has ïreatly increaeed, as the sale is no lon"-er coiifiued to visitors and pilo-rinis, large quantities being exporUjd to Eui-opo and America. A new hidustry has sprung up iv the Sandwich lslands, and thatit may Ihrive aiul prosper is tlic wish and praver of everv lionest and virtuous ciiizen oí San Francisco who does not w sil to be croaked to death. It srems that this ciiy was visited by Col. li. J lliri un eminent royalist of llonolñln.und, while takiiigiuthe sighu of tlie sitburbs, the gallant Coloncl s ears were lluillcd with tlie swecu-st inusic lio had ever heard on eartli. At first he thought the angelio world ot soii' was oponed unto imii. out uur a inoüíenl's rellection lie disco vercil tliat tliuinusic w.M bnllfrogmiwïe, Now, it seeuis that tlieie are 110 fro Lu tlie Sandwich Ulands, and for ihis very reason tliere is a periect passion lor tl.ein anioiig ilie islai.deis, wlme and biown. Tney are looked iou there as cauary birds are will us. Ilie Coliu.1 hiiviiiü au eye lor business, was seized witl a Imlliant moa, so he coral led 7,777 froga oí both geudera and shipped tlieui to Honolulú, lie has disuibuled the crea tures aniong the missionaris, newspier nien, diplomáis, nativo ekiefa and oth.-r iuiuhcal aristócrata. They me dliglitLÍ wiili Uie prestíiits, and, being. well paid for, Col. lian has a goud thiug in lus entorise. By this unie lUnolulu nuist be a ravisiiins' phue lyr a dcaf uaui-San Francisco JS'cwa-1-tlt&r. i i r ■ - ■ The estin.HU-d product ion of t .„ar in Kurope for 1879-80 wUlWJj , 375.000 .ons of wbteh Gern. 'J Lus; Ausum-lli.nsiarv. 30,000 t , , ,.o ilolUnd aud otlicr couiunes, l 000 loUci.