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An Election Dream

An Election Dream image
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List Tlmrsi'iiy uight we har) ft dreatn It was an awful riream too. It was one of lliose ilreams makes a fellow shove liis head under the plllow, uu wish tbat mbrnlng pun would - as Boon as convenien; - ,-hove hls phiz up over the back yard fcncc, nnd maUe everylliiiif; Bill i Ie. It we lint] not been of republfcan origin we would uot linve dreamed tliig dreatn. Hut wc rclired witli our stmnach overloadcd wltli electlön returns whicb accounts for the disturbed condition of the aforesald org;an. We tossed on a bed of uncertalnty for 8ome hour?, but linnlly do.ed oilto sleep, wilh vlslons of '10,000," "VVinans,' "Maseaclmsett,'1 "20.000." Majorlty iu Congres,'' "Bill McKinley," and "McICinley Iïill" danciDK I tlie atmospliere ar mud uur liuinble couch. We .-ltiinticred. "Theturiff is a tax." We rulbed our eyes and lo ked uro: n '. On the beadb mrd sat tlie same oíd democratie pirrot, fiat had ]ust yelled the "tlie tarift' is tix" He looked natunil. But around U8 we Siiw a vaiieil assemblage. The room Btretcbed away in the dlstance, iinil brllllant lighti brlgbtened up the scenr. It wns a soit of V:inity Fair i;''therin)r, - a democratie jolllflcatlon. On a rais-d plntfoi m was a band of musician?, who playlnyan Irlsh reel, and in front w is Ilmiiy Wattersoii and the Star Eyed Qoddei-8 of Reform, tiotiug it down in gri-at s ha pc. Mills of Ti xis. was malqueradlos as a knight errant, and was tiraddle of an Australia!! ram, woning a blankct marked "Duiy Free.1' I aappose that u-a-; h s Dump. Cal Biice was cliasins; a rainbow Hround the room, and in hls fun, feil over Mat Qnay, who was figuriog out witb a slate and pencil, what Delamaters miijority iu 1 nrisylvania was. They had ;i lili t over it, tint i I Pattcrson c une a!orL. jrave Mat a black eye, and lu;:ged Cal off. Ahout this lime Massachusetts carne In, wlth lier nose in the ür, and would bardly notice tlie nttentlon paid lier by lier Dew aequaintances. She strutted about the room awhile, feeling awful big witli her democratie goyernor on her arm, but when Michigan carne In wlth head up and sails flying, witli Kil Winaus as best man, supported by all the state ( flicers, backud up by the supreme court and the lei-luture, Maisacbusett'e New Hamp-hire, Kinsa?, Nebraska and Bevernl otlier uiaiilrns tliat were troubled with the bis head, leancd b:ick and gatped for breatb, wliile Don M. Dlcklnso", Mei Ford mid scveral others ru9hed forward to :pply smelHbg sntls and unlace corset stiings. As soon as Frank Dean, Barnes, Saulsbury, Morse and CJhl liad removed ihelrwraps they went Into n sul ü room. and tlicre took tuni9 kickin e:icli othèr. This was a queer wny to celébrate bnt we supposed tliey dld it for exerclse. As Michigan swepl by, Burroijnded by her admlrer?, Gap Allen, Bill Ball, Ooi. lilis?, and (Jhailcy Watklns all of whom liad n servid seats in the side gallery, put t ir llnimbs to their noses and twirled t ipir fiiijfcrs. But Michigan didn't pret nd to notiee V Jim Turner stuek his h -d Ihrough a broken liglit anti yelled "mts," but McElroy flred mud at him a-ul Btopped liis noise. Off in a corner, Grover Cleveland, Dave Uil], Don M. Dickinso'i and Campbell of Oliio were eDgaged in a g:nn of poker with the presidency for a juok pot. Kilgore of Texas carne in about this time and OecatlM he liail forgotten hi ticket iind was refused admlttance he kicked the turnstlle to pieces anil walked In. He had bien iinblbingsomewhat, and meeting Vanee they jnlned 1 a breakdown that would have put a plantatlon daikey to sh.ime. The ffstivities were hlished fr a moment, wlien the presence of SirJoUn Buil and retiiiue was anuounced. Howcvcr as soon :is tliey made their appe irunce, hats umi handkerohiefs wero thrown Into the air, and cheers, In wlilch John ahd his followers juiiK'd, were jfivrii loud (Miiiiigh to awaken the pnrrot who murmured gleepily, 'tlie tariff U h tnx," and tlieu relapsVd into uncoiisciouness BgalD. A general handthakinjz now ei.sueil and as Sir Jolm slapped Grnvfcr on the l)Mck he was beard to remarle "bully boy." Jim Blaine and Toni Reed were overlooking the crowd trom a box in "niggcr lieaven," and Tuin said to Jim, ''no use for an instaotaiieons photograph licre. There is quorntn present." Just then Dana met Watterson on the tloor, and the former repeated his llinjr, to the (ff et that the Star Eyed Goddess of Reform was crosseyed, wbich statement brouglit on Immedlate trouble, and was brouglit to an end by Cleveland coming up, and takinj; from his pocket the mortgage he has on the democratie party, aud tlirowing H over the contestanis whicli bad tlie ffect of neaily miothering tliem both. As ie was growinfi late, tlie revellen sathered together, liugüed a partí n); hug, and gav three clieeis for everytliing and everybody but protectlon and the renubüean party. This racket awoke tlie parrot ngaln wliich immdiately said "tlie tarift' is a tax," whteb so incensed Bill McKinley wbo bad been hid in a barrel close by, that he threvv a tin pi ate "taxed 200 por cent" at tlie poor bird, who gave a loud sqnall and tluttered down into the editorial face, wakinjr us from a sleep that was to us f uil of humiliation and miscry. Bepgar (wbo bas just been klcked out of an inu by tbc porterj - "Bravo ! yoti did that well. I used to be a porter ouee myself." - Fliegende Bletter. A western preacher lately delivered a sermón on moral horse raclng. This, of course, refers to those cases wliere tlie ;iaek, the horse and racing are oud.


Old News
Ann Arbor Courier