A Frontier Settler's Christmas Joke

Hullo thar, Kurnel ! Howdy do? Git down an' tie your hoes, It's BOrt o' elevatin' to ray soul to run across A social feller sien as you- le's see, its uigh n year, Since vour good-natured countenance war noti'ced afouud here. Come in tbe cabin- Katie, here's the Kurnel bliek agin - Wouldn't akuowed the little gal? She war' amazin thin. Wen hi-t yon seed her, Kurnel- now slic e bloomin' as the day, An' the ehanee war' brought about in a peculiar sort o' way. My little wife war' sick. you know, the last time you stopped with us, An' splte o' doctors' dosiu' she kept gittin wuss and wuss, An' oue time I began to think unless thar. war' a cha ' Ths.-'d be a robuet widower a mopiu' -round the range. She got so thin a stranger'd mistake her Lur a An' always tired an' droopin'- every doctor 011 the coast Tliiii come to see her disagreed 'bout whar the trouble stood. An' not a oussed one of 'em could do her auy good. The day 'afore last Chris'mas I war' goiu' to the store. An' Kate hollered to me, staudiu' right thar' in the door. A sort o' halt' way jokin', sort o' serious t'other hall'. She'd hang her stockin's up that night- - au' then we had a laugh ! The thought kept edgïn' on me I could have a heap o' sport. By flllin' 'cm with somethin' of a most ridik'lus sort, Au' w'en I reached the settlement I'd 'bout made up my mind On purchasing'the most outlaudish present I could fiad. The fust thing that I come across war' Santa Claus'B name, An' ap 1 walked to make aclose inspeetiou o' the same, An' lui a 'tarnal outlaw a deservin' o' the rope II' '.twasnt emblazoned on aboxcoutaiuiu' ouly soap I Now knowin' Lanta Claus to be the boss o' Chritï'mas Day, Thïnks I to have sorae Chris'mas fun, here's the proper play, An' so I bought a dozen chuuks. au' hid 'em in a heap O' brnsh behind tbe cabiu till my Katie got to sleep. Talk about laughin' Kurnel! Why, we both nigh had a fit, An' I ain't full recovered from the sorenets of it yit. Wen Katie vamosed out o' bed, hereyes ablazi; with hope, Ad' found her stockin's both bulged out with spiey smellin' soap. We laughed and laughed, and laughed again, an' Katie said that I War' just a 'tarnal jokish brute, an' mean enough to die. lïut then she tuk that promptly back w'en hid hehind the door. She found the very uicest dress they had iu Parker's store. From that day she began tomend, an' 'twasu't long afore 1 noticeil that the weary look wan't on her face no more. She got as chipper as a gal, just like she used to be- Begun again her ol'-time way of playin' pranks on me. I couldn't understand the change, till one day she confessed, That eouiehow she appeared to git a pow'ful lot o' rest, An' said that Chris'mas gif t of mine had lightened of her work, Au' then a big suspicion in my mind begun to lurk! I'd been a 'tarnal, seuseless fooi, uot able fur to see She'd worked herself close onto death 'thout ïnurinurin' to me! The scrubbln' an' the washiu' she had done day nrtur day. War' 'nough to war' the life o' most o' omen plumr. away. An, I'm tninkiu' Provideuce had purty much to do With that 'arChrlstmas joke o' mine, an' Kurnel, if you know Of any ailin' woinan that's about to give up hope, Advise her fur to try a course of Santa Claus's soap. Outimg lor November opens witli a most interesting article, "Yumi, the Japanes-t Loiig-bow," by Robert G. Deittig. The article is profusely Ilustra tel with characteristic sketch9, and contains much pleasant inforxnatioin oí the rise and fall of the and of the skill in its use once possessed by thoee charming1, pictui-esque residents in the land oí chr5-santliheimuins. Sraall - Scallops. Steak holders - Broilers. Piek their art- Btcher.-. Gk to blazes - Pirenwwi. Must be stopped - The organ.