Our Wit Ant Humor

OMEWHERE IN the unknown space Where cast-off worldlings land, Two hungry shape3 met face to face And bade each other stand. "Hold!" cried one, "how came you here? What right have you to be Comrade of 'Annie Rooney,' dear. Of 'Daisy' or 'Sweet Marie'?" "Cease," cried the visitant, agape, "Nor daré dispute my claim! Make room, you faded, ancient shape, For Trilby is my name!" -Chicago Record. Vp wlth the Time. Old Hen- No more domestic drudgery tor me: I'd have you know that I'm an emancipated hen, I am. Old Rooster - You still lay eggs. Old Hen- Tes, but they are hatched in an incubator. Hard Times. First Crook - Times are mighty hard just now. Second Crook - 'Deed they are. I sandbagged six men las' night, an' only got flfteen cents out o' the huil lot. Another Convert. Solid Citizen - Enough, sir; I will hear no more. I have no time to waste talkIng with an avowed socialist. Reformer - But you have not heard all our plans. One of them is to have the government erect sound-proof asylums to which all babies shall be committed until they are old enough to go to school. Old Citizen - Whoop! I'm with you. - New Tork Weekly. Heredity. Binks- Speaking of heredity, do you remember Forrester, who bought some wild land and turned it into a farm? Winks - Yes; he was the inventor of a very effective stump-puller. Binks - Just so. Well, his son is a very successful dentist.- New York Weekly. Where She Isn't. Mrs. Oldstyle- Is Mrs. Newage at home? Servant- Mrs. Newage is an emancipated woman, ma'am; she is never at home. Her Mother's Procnostications. He- Why does your mother insist on your having an elabórate church wedding? She- She says its the last chance I'll ever have to show off in good clothes. A Wise Provisión. Little Ethel (who has been looking at pictures) - When boys go to heaven, they just take their hands an' put wings on them, an' they fly around that way. Little Johnny- Wot's that for? Little Ethel- I guess that's so they can't flght.- Jood News. Benefit of High Buildings. Little Miss Freckles - Did youse move up to the top floor because you is gettin' poor? Little Miss Mugg- Course not. Pop has got interested in astronomy, and wanted to be where he could see the moon close. - Good News. An Illastration. Professor- I have shown you that the color of living creatures is usually a close imitation of the color of their surroundings. Now will some one give me an example of this? Student - Chinamen are the color of the Yellow sea, and American Indians are the color of the Missouri river. Beneath lier Station. Liza - Look here, Hamlet Harcourt Jones, ef you doan tek yo arm from around my wasp-like waist, I gwine leave loóse ob a screech das gwine rip a hole in de atmosphere dat will take all de kink out o' you nigger wool - you must member dat you ain't nuffin but Jes a niggar. - Truth. A Difllcult World. Robby- There isn't any telling what to do in this world. Tottie- Wat't zee matter? Bobby - Mamma is always makin' me eat things I don't like, cause they ia. good for me; so to-'day I said I didn'( care for pudding, and instead of makin' me ate a huil lot, she didn't offer me any. Soon. Neighbob - Before givlng you my daughter I ought to know something of your prospects. Jack Ash - If a certain scheme I have in mind turns out well I shall be a rich man. Neighbob - When do you expect thl3 scheme to eventuate? Jack Ash - Well, my idea is for a short engagement. - Ex. Llttle Dot' Conclusión. Little Dot - Uncle George says 1'm "too loquacious." What does thaf mean? Mamma - That means you talk too much. Little Dot (after reflection) - I s'poss big words was made so folks could saj mean things wi'fout hurtin' anybody'9 feellngs.