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O M E lawmakers i quite recently I sat ' Very gravely discussing the theater hat, With the purpose of calling it down from its perch At theater, opera, lecture or church, Or suppressing it wholly from decking the pates Of their charmingly lovely but obstinate mates. Then they drew up a bilí with this object in view, But lacked enough ballots to carry it through; For each marricd man in that legislature Knew something at least of one voman's nature, And said in effect, that contrariwiso Must be any statutes that they shoulddevise - That victory only by them could be won By commanding the ladies to keep their hats on. - Truth. Slie Gave Thanks. He (earnestly) - And now that we are engaged, Ethel, wlll you pray for me? She - Oh, no, George. I've been praying for you for the last eight years. But, now that I've got you I'll thank the Lord for you. I really think I ought to. Literary Usury. Rebecca - Oh, Ikey, dat poy Leopold reads his books vit such great interest! Ikey - Mine gracious, Rebecca - great interest! We can't afford it. Hard to Avoid. "Like all men, you have a pet name for youí wife, I suppose?" "Oh, yes." "What do you cali her?" "I cali her my income tax, usually." Impending Trouble. "Is there a surgeon aboard?" hastily asked the excited passenger on a Third avenue car as he rose up and looked anxiously about. "I am a surgeon," answered a man near the door. "Thanks," rejoined the excited passenger. "Don't get off for a few minutes, please. I see a fellow up there at the next crossing that always grabs my arm about the elbow with his left hand, while he gives me the pump-handle shake with the other hand. I was vaccinated a week agro, lost $10 on a baseball match yesterday and my wife is cleaning house. If that man gets on this car there'll be bloodshed." - Texas Siftings. A Chronic Flirt. Mrs. Pete Amsterdam is much given to flirting. On catching her winking the other eye for about the fortieth time, Pete told her to go to a certain warm climate. "Did you tell me to go to hades," she asked. "Yes, I did, but I'll take it back. You needn't go. You wouldn't be there ten minutes before you would be flirting with the devil." A Long Range Kiss. Johnnie Masher - May I kiss you with the ardor of the rising sun kissing a beautiful flower? Miss Flirty - Yes, I will grant your request if you will stay as f ar away f rom me as the sun is. He llhii. "So Mr. Westside is not in?" "No, sah. What name shall I tell him, when he returns, sah." "No name necessary; I am an intímate friend oL his."