My body lays awake
My mind shut down
Where am I?
Cloudy like a rainy day
I can't think
I can’t FEEL
I can't see
Is this death?
Has it finally come
To fulfil my wishes?
The enhanced but diluted
Feeling in my fingers
My tense but relaxed
Muscles
I don't understand
What is this?
Imagination?
Jitters?
Relaxation?
Why
can’t
I
FEEL?
What is this?
I’ve never FELT this
I don’t know if
I like it
Why now?
Minutes have already passed
Sunlight starts shining
Through my window
I have to get up
The day is starting
As my thoughts start
My senses awake with a jolt
I can FEEL my bed
I can FEEL my skin and clothes
It FEELS normal again
The word to describe my experience
Numb
Plastic Paper feeds us
Plastic Paper clothes us
But Plastic Paper leaves me empty
What more do you want, Plastic Paper?
I gave you my belongings
I gave you my time
Yet you consumed my mind
My friends agree with you, Plastic Paper
How prestigious you are
We save save save and hoard what we cannot afford
Yet I do not see how it is possible to glorify you, Plastic Paper
When all you did was make me blind
The weight of your last pressure stabilizes my soul
Makes me understand the danger of not contributing to the billion dollar war
You owe us your tastebuds
A hot mess of ice cream drips from an unfinished cone, giving me the simplicity of having something to own
I stare at the drain where my Plastic Paper has gone
I understand now that Plastic Paper was Paper Devil's spawn
Your wit is a smirk behind the curtain of drawn eyes and smiling faces
The seamstress can mend my soul but she will fail to mend what has been sewn into my eyes
I am bleeding
I can no longer keep up with everything I owe
But they still won't let me go.
You still owe us one more thing, Adrenaline Junky
I owe them my life
I’d sing to you if I knew the words to my own tunes
Yet now I am nothing more than a croaking voice to put in earbuds too
I wish they would tell me what I did wrong
Provoking me is silence and alienation for not keeping Devils in my pockets
I speak in hoping the world will understand
Only it fails too
Just like I do
We can choose how to use you, Paper Devil
We are not your control
No longer persuaded to keep up with a society that does not feel good enough in their own souls.
Plastic Paper may feed us
Plastic Paper may clothe us
But Plastic Paper is not our pass time
I ask of you not to place me into a coma made for Adrenaline Junkies.
And you Paper Devil, will not own mine.
To conceal our errors, our scars-
Anything
We keep to ourselves and pretend-
Masquerading is
Our closest friend
We do something
We shouldn’t be doing
To conceal our shame
And convey goodness
But
Errant we remain and
Conscience beseeches
To reveal our errors
And ask for assistance
Instead
We stay undercover
Like an earthquake
Releasing tremors
Of Withering
Esteem
And proliferating
Madness-
A constant inner war
That we long to
Be freed from.
All we need to do-
Express ourselves, then
Errors unfold into
Intimations of need
Where peers along
With the One above
Can lift us
To the honest place
We yearn to remain
the flowers lie perfectly still in the pond of water
petals scattered, adrift and reflected
I had watched the vase tip over with someone’s accidental touch
a very light, quite faint motion
and it left the surface of the table, descending with little resistance
the vase was beautiful and ornate
valued as priceless by its owner, for it was a family heirloom
intricate patterns painted across the sides
strings of lanterns intertwined to show a path
with the darkened forest and silver crescent set behind
the pieces are sharp fragments
edges deep and straight enough to cause bleeding
but I hear the bleeding in the owner’s heart when she sees the scene
everyone heard the crash, but only she cradled the broken pieces
I too saw the beauty, but not in the same way
the broken vase was a form of art by itself
for destruction can sometimes be the same as creation
enough to move the mind, enough to create tears of emotion
enough to shake the soul, and enough to be remembered for all time
and I think to myself
is it not still even more astonishing when the pieces are brought back together?
just like when a person rises from their ashes and dust
as a stronger person with a vision to live and a future of hope
in the end, however
I laugh for the irony of the situation
for those flowers were a bouquet of freesias
a representation of joy.
If I could paint with words
I’d dip my fingers into a hundred jars of ink
And I would light a page with a thousand sparks of joy
I’d start by sketching the sun, sky and moon
Twilight wild goosebumps, ghost tales and shivers
A sunrise warm, world caught in a sleepy yawn
Dusk still and quiet, empty of breath and song
Noon scorching with the real, all else burnt to dust
I might then turn to life, motion, excitement
With a galloping herd of zebras, breaking light
As a dark slick crocodile slunk forward
Then snap!, bright red blood flows
And energy grows
And running sprinting panic must escape
And I think I’d have to let the other zebras get away
And turn to still my heart beat
(As it thump thump thumped in it’s cage)
A flower, delicacy, glass, frost, beauty
Color seeping in, lending a vibrance
Spice, reds and yellows and orange
Or maybe sliding into a slick green leaf
Waxy, still, calm
I’d slip into a dream
Dancing figures leaping across a painted sky
Swans intertwined with candy canes
A thousand meters high
And they would spin and twirl
A blur of perfection
But faster
Faster
Faster still and no it’s not good now
But still spinning twisting whirling
A hurricane of light
And out spits a thousand frogs
And red trains chugging forward
A whirlpool of marbles
Falling through a giant’s hand
Flashing colors crazy
Purple yellow up and down
Zigzagging around
And pounding, breaking
A hurricane of sound
Until I can’t take it anymore
And I jump up!
And I settle back down
I don’t think I’ll go back
Quite yet at least
That’s plenty of dreams for me
So I think I’ll paint a lullaby
Warm, soft, safe, and real
Snuggle in a blanket
A glass of warm milk
Childhood returns
Innocent, fun, play a game
Silly, excitement, follow me
Happy giggles, wonder and delight
A teddy bear
A painted doll
A sleepy goodnight
An I’ll leave with just one more quick sight
A thousand lights in sync, twinkling
Far, beyond grasp
Close, I think I can reach
Colorful jewels
Tiny but so huge
I think I’ve shrunken
But I feel so large
The sky’s so large
Life in every direction
And there is so much light
your ideas are selective
you say the news is a bore
“nothing here concerns me”
and prove it first by closing your door
“I dont care”
and you draw your blinds
“it really can’t be that bad out there”
you shut your eyes tight
lean into the silence
“nothing is wrong on my planet earth”
you board up the windows
and nail down the door
“see, nothing's wrong, I'm here and just doing alright”
you turn out the lights
climb into bed
plug in ear plugs
and tie the sheets over your head
you wrap a cloth around your eyes for good measure
viva indifference
the lengths you go to listen to silence
for the screams of the end of the world are ear-splitting
you do not want to know of pain and sorrow
life is easier that way
even as you create silence in your own mind
editing out what you call negative thinking
this negativity is someone’s everyday
this negativity is someone’s every breath
maybe it is so you don't have to care, to hurt, to think, to feel wrong, to feel wronged
you want to lay back and never try anymore a day in your life
because maybe it is easier pretending things are fine
with your headphones in you can't hear the planet being destroyed
you don't want to put in effort for change
you don't want to see the things that’ll make you cry
you don't want to admit that we could fail as a species
and you definitely don't want to save the world today
viva indifference
you build your house in the wilderness of avoidance
far far away from the civilization in a path of pain
you move away, in fear of knowing the truth
convince yourself that you "just don't like the noise"
decay speaks to you in the essence of seeking your tears
“but these tears belong to me I will not shed them upon the weak”
if you don't speak out you are just adding to the destruction
you don't want to believe this
you've plugged your ears again
the end of humanity is your fault if you chose to be naive
but you’ll probably just ignore this too
carry on and hold your indifference tight
you will never change the world
Laughter bubbles from a corner
Hair tucked behind ears,
Faces dotted with rainbow freckles
Hands and arms dance about
Colors fly through the air
Banana yellow,
Radish red,
Hints of blue and green
Bright accents,
Dynamic changes,
Spinning and singing,
Music for our eyes
An hour of bliss,
Unrestrained and bright,
New ideas flow
From young excited minds
The sun dips lower
Colors fade to pastel
Rosy cheeks wave goodbye
Until next week!
Light
and
Dark
Even
and
Odd
Up
and
Down
Cold
and
Hot
Peace
and
War
Clean
and
Dirty
True
and
False
Give
and
Take
Love
and
Hate
Good
and
Bad
Angels
and
Demons
Imagine yourself beyond the picturesque beauty on the outside.
Beyond the cage you hold yourself in.
Who do you see?
You are made up of so many people, your ancestry runs deeper than you will ever know. Perhaps you’re made of slaves or slaveholders.
Do you let that define you?
When you push back the curtains in the morning and let the light hit your face, what does the sun see? Or perhaps, the moon?
The night is dangerous in your town but how do you contribute? When you hear screams do you run towards them or away from them? Perhaps the answer is wired into your DNA. Who have you become
Dark and gloomy days inside
Graceful tears softly cried
Tears drip from lonely eyes
Bottled up secrets and lies
Cold arms linger near
Bright blue eyes full of fear
Long nights spent alone
Left by herself, on her own
Hoping for better days soon
Stars shining with the moon
Sad days feeling lost
What does her life really cost?
All those people don’t care
Friends that her loved won't be there
She’s about ready to end it all
But she stands up feeling tall
Facing the world so big and cruel
Cause if she were to end it she’d be a fool.