Begole School Skit

This article was a skit that was played at Begole School in the early 30's.

Judge: It has been a great pleasure and as you will see later, a rather sad session for me to be here. I have been requested to put before the people of this community the wonderful advantages which all of you have here, in the Begole School, you have one of the best of Rural Schools in Washtenaw County, as Miss Haas states. “We are noted for our cooperative spirit, and a smooth running school district is a striking example of the broad mindedness with a slice of educated people who are alive to the growing needs of the times.

We have now glowing examples of men and women who as children, has a good foundation which was laid in their early years in the Begole School. Other advantages is our nearness to both the State Normal College, Cleary College, and University of Michigan and the young people can go forth and receive an advanced education and still remain under the parental roof, which in these times is something to be considered, you may give the home training at the most impressionable time of their lives.

I wish also to call to your attention the new improvements which the building has undergone and this without any added expense to the tax payers, as the expense of remodeling came from a surplus of delinquent taxes and other sources, perhaps many of you are wondering why this was not done at a previous time, but by the school law any new building is built from a blue print sent from Lansing and under a committee appointed for that purpose.

The questions before us now is, are we, as modern and up to date as our school buildings! Do we shine not with varnish, but a cooperative feeling and willingness to do our duty in the P, T. A.'s, are we willing to give the teachers the benefit of a doubt, when our angel child comes home with a tale of woe and the school board how about your mistakes? Do you or do you not?

Judge: (Sounding gavel on table) Meeting called to order.

Address: I have been a Judge for many years and have had valuable experience in many trouble's which have been set before me to settle in my time of the bench, and therefore I have been called upon to settle some noise some gossip which has been making the rounds in this community for quite some time, My advice is always to face scandal, therefore it is with pain and tears that I am obliged to call in to this courtroom some of my dearest fiiends(weeps is handkerchief and drinks water)

(Clerk enters: Hear Ye! Hear Ye! The Court of the Begole School is now in session “Judge charges to the Jury” “Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury” if at any time you think I am too severe, either in jail sentence, bond or fines, will you please see me at court:

Recess;

Judge:

The fines are to be paid to the clerk as your case is dismissed. We know you will not feel that they are excessive, as the refreshments are free this evening. The amount collected will be turned over to the P.T.A. treasurer.

Judge: Duane Crittenden we understand that you are a Market Gardener, and for several years have been holding the office of treasurers of the Market Gardeners Association of Washtenaw County. Now then as a member of such an organization can you keep your standing when it has been called to our attention that you are guilty of such measures as selling to innocent people, the vegetable known as Endive for their rose gardens, a bushel of onions you sold to an Ann Arbor woman who cried over them for a week. Of course she could nave been making pickles. Explain to this court, how you came to have friends among Chinamen, Japs and Greeks. IS it because you are entangled with the European Countries in some way unknown to the U. S. A. Government? The last and most serious count against you is that your were seen carrying packages into the back door of a spooky looking house in Ann Arbor called the Haunted Tavern. We feel that a case as unusual as yours should be investigated further. We find you 15 cents or 10 days in jail. Fine paid.

Judge: What is your name?

Mrs. Charles Heimeringer

It has been called to our attention that years ago, when you were a small girl, your Sunday School teacher gave to you the Ten Commandments, since living in this community you have been trying to give them to Mrs. Mort Crittenden, but she refuses to accept them for she knows full well, that if you cannot keep them it would be entirely useless for you to try. Therefore you are fined 15cents. Case dismissed.

Judge: What is your name?

Fred Bailey

You are called before this court charged with smoking while on duty. It is not so much the act of smoking as it is the brand of tobacco you use. We think it must be this weed Marijuana, that makes you do things that your wife says she could never get you to do for her like sweeping and dusting. My only wish is that other men could profit by your example to be so helpful that the wives could spend more time at the 10cents store. The most serious charge against you is that you do not punch the electric clock in the Primary Room, for if it has been exchanged for a new one it would have been punched with an ax a long time ago. On hearing you are a weak man and a valuable asset to the neighborhood we are loath to fine you, but as a case of duty, it will be.15 cents.

Case dismissed.
Judge: Your name please.
Helen Harwood

I am hardly experienced enough to pass on a case like yours, it is very out of the ordinary. You have a garden on Michigan Avenue?

Yes.

It has been charged that even though you have your children with you, you wave at the drivers going by. You are warned to desist and are fined.10cents. Case dismissed Judge: Your name

Paul Slusser

I am not sure that I am within my legal rights in bringing you in this court, but as your misdemeanor occurred in this district, we will accept the money from a fine imposed on you without protest. You are found guilty of wasting your working hours, by running around in the neighborhood and also by staying out too late at night. With the exception of these two bad habits, you have proved you are a very agreeable addition to our community. Your fine will be 20cents or 10 days in jail Fine paid Case dismissed.

Remarks by Judge: We were intending to use our school garage as a jail, but some miscreants have broken out the windows, but we know full well that not any of our children are guilty of this act of destruction.

Your fine will be 20cents or 10 days in jail. Fine paid.
Judge makes loud noise with gavel on table.
Judge: What is your full name?
Margaret C. Miller

You are called here to explain, when and how you obtained all of the canned fruit in your basement this year with a scarcity of all kinds of fruit. We have heard from a very reliable source that you have over 200 quarts more than last year and to settle over doubt that your neighbor has as to where you obtained it.

We felt it the duty of this court to keep up the moral of the younger mother of the neighborhood. Several of your neighbors have been finding foot prints in their gardens, and the latest stories is that Mt. & Mrs. Munger or George B. Miller drive a car for you in the early weary light of day when all working people are in bed. My advice as a Judge is that you be sent up, but feeling the disgrace on your parents and family, I shall impose a fine of. 15cents. I am showing you this leniency on behalf of the ladies of the Pittsfield Aid who feel so badly as it is now. Your case is dismissed.

Judge hits gavel on table.
Your name please.
Alden Day

Judge: You are brought before me for traffic violations and obstructing in a serious manner. You sped up and down on Michigan Avenue with a little red wagon filled with bootleg gasoline. You have been escorted to your home by State Police on several occasions

Considering you hold the office of Director on the School Board which is the most distinguished position, you should set an example for the other members and be able to have given them helpful advice when needed. You are fined 25cents or 10 days in jail.

Case dismissed.

Judge Your name please.:
Mrs. Shepperd

We understand you live on Michigan Avenue. You are charged with being seen in your front yard mowing the lawn dressed in your old wash dress and apron, for this you will be fined 10cents, not for wearing your old clothes but for mowing the lawn, this is a man's job.

Case dismissed.
Judge: Your name please.
Floyd Budd

You are called in this court, charged with smoking cigarettes, also for trying to induce Max Miller, an exemplary young man to do the same for adding to the delinquencies to a young man. We fine you 15cents.

Your case dismissed.
Judge: Your name please:
Fred Parsons

You are brought before this court for misrepresenting apples you have been selling on the Ypsilanti Market. You told a customer “That Green apples were sometimes Red and Red apples were sometimes Green:,” where upon the woman got into an argument with you and you became very disagreeable. Mort Crittenden who has been on the Ypsilanti Market told you that the customer is always right. I advise you to be more careful and less noisy in the future and I am obliged to find you.20cents.

Case dismissed.
Judge: Your name please.
Sarah Parsons

You are called before me not to be charged with Misdemeanor, but as a strong supporter of the Begole School and Sunday School. That you have been very faithful in your position as their leader for the past 5 years of this Sunday School which is held, in this building, you with many other leaders are an untold benefit in the community. The mothers and fathers should be more than anxious to avail themselves of the advantages of the S.S. We have heard many times from the Scriptures. Bring up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.

We Thank you.
Judge: Your name please.
Clifford Reynolds.

You are called here because of traffic violations, speeding on Michigan Avenue and turning into your driveway on two wheels. Far be it from me to care how you drive, but as a member of the School Board you are a bad example to the young people, almost equal to the senior member of the Board. Your case is dismissed with a small fine of.25 cents. I only wish it were in my power to make it.25 dollars.

Case dismissed.
Judge: Sounds gavel: Your name please.
Beatrice Crittenden

Judge: sounds like an Indian Name to us!

It has always been a problem how you happened to be living in this neighborhood-Oh–You married a young man named Duane Crittenden while attending Normal College. The young man in question, has my heart felt sympathy as you coming from the upper peninsular, where Bear and Deer and other wild animals are so numerous, have completely changed his life. You have set forth to make a Hunter and Fisherman out of him and now—where he would be so very happy sitting by the fireside, smoking his pipe with Kentucky Club Tobacco, looking at seed catalogs. Telling how to raise seedless water melons as large as washtubs. You drive him forth to hunt in the land of your ancestors. You are fined 15cents.

Case dismissed.
Judge: Your name please.
Mort Crittenden.

As an old friend of mine and here to for a very reliable citizen, a member of this School Board for 38 years, it gives me great pain to have you brought before this court at this time, but no matter how much I suffer I will do my duty by law and order. (Uses handkerchief as tears flow)

You are brought before me to explain why you call on the teachers during school hours and spending long hours in the primary room where Miss Elesta Murray, teaches we would be willing to excuse you for this lack of dignity not becoming a member of the School Board. But your real crime is telling her Witty stories, over which she becomes so boisterous she laughs out loud which has never been known to have happened before. This upsets the pupils of the primary room, that one small girl fainted, another child was taken violently ill with nausea and Keith Miller who was asleep was awakened and yelled out FIRE—when upon Mrs. Graubner the Supervisory teacher dismissed the pupils for the day.

Mort Crittenden have you any remarks?

No.

You are sentenced to 10 days in jail or pay the fine of 25cents Fine paid.

Judge: Your name please.
Charles Heimerdinger.

You are called before this court as an example that other men in our community might do well to follow. Long before you came from your former home in Manchester we were informed that you would be a very valuable asset to this district in more ways than one.

WE KNOW, you to be a willing helper in the Begole Sunday school, WE KNOW you to be a friend to the needy. WE KNOW you never refuse help to any one in trouble.

But what WE DO NOT know and wish to know is where are you getting the chickens from that you are having for Sunday dinner?

Hoping you will see the error of your ways, I impose a find of 15cents. Fine paid

Case dismissed
Court is adjourned.